It's tough to write about tough topics but tough times call for tough measures and let's see how many times I can use the word "tough" in one sentence...
I've been working with people who are in transition in their work lives. Some are doing this by choice and some are doing it because of circumstances they didn't choose. Call it anything you like but downsizing, lay-offs, restructuring and all the other words for it means that there are people who were used to doing one thing every day and suddenly they're not doing it anymore. Along with that can go a loss of financial and emotional security, sense of self-esteem and work ego. It all can bring up lots and lots of issues but the emotional impact can be lessened, and a sense of empowerment and potential attained if it's approached and dealt with in a proactive and positive way.
Transition Coaching and Mid-Career Coaching can be one of the most liberating and wonderful experiences of people's lives, even if they came to it under circumstances that weren't of their own choosing.
Jed G. got downsized from a job in a career that he'd been despising for the last couple of years. He was bored of the work, he didn't like the CEO of the company who was the person he reported to, he worked too many hours for his own liking and there were facets of his working personality that he'd wanted to explore but had never taken the time or opportunity to do so. Then he got downsized.
I'd worked with Jed a couple of years ago on some training programs for his team and company and throughout the years he'd called me in to do some short term coaching for his employees for team-building, stress-management, conflict resolution and project management so I was familiar with his work situation and the work style that he was used to.
Things were different now. First we had to work through the shock and all the other emotions that came along with his downsizing. Although he was lucky in that he received a good severance package he could not believe that this had happened to him. He'd been working for over 25 years, working his way up the corporate ladder and he was in total shock. Part 1.
After working through some of the initial issues brought on by the downsizing and keeping in mind that it's a process that goes through different emotional phases we began the work of looking at a new and different future for Jed.
"How do I know what I want to do? I've been doing the same thing for so many years I don't know what I want anymore. I wanted relief, and I got it but not the way I wanted it." That was what he said when we first started.
Enter 6P Coaching. (There are 7 steps but we'll focus on the first 6 for now).
For those of you who wanted to know some of the elements of rediscovering yourselves, you can try this at home and let me know how it goes. I use the system with clients all the time and it's a great tool. It allows people to articulate their likes and dislikes, to examine what's been working and what hasn't and to look toward the future in a new way. Whether they were actively seeking out a different and new future or whether life chose a new one for them.
1. Materials:
Use any organizational method that works for you. This can be a tactile exercise or an intellectual and technological one or a combination of all three, whatever works best for you.
I usually recommend file folders for the tactile part since it includes components like pictures, articles, ads, sometimes even food wrappers! Anything that conjures up a thought, like or dislike. Computerized systems also work for files and information.
2. The areas will be called
Priorities
Passions
Preferences
Perks
Promotions
We'll also add one called Passes which will contain anything that you DON'T want. Think of this as an Ugh, No Way, Never-In-A-Million-Years, or Don't-Even-Get-Me-Started folder. Anything that works for you to describe what you DON'T want.
3. Now Go! Write down and collect as many things as you can think of for each area. Fill the folders with words, pictures, songs, thoughts, anything that comes to mind. You can use magazines or newspaper articles, book reviews, movies. Look through trade magazines. If you see a movie or book ad or lecture series, anything can be relevant make a note of it or clip the reviews or outlines of any that resonate with you in one of the above ways.
4. Put it into the appropriate folder. For example; a place, or a feeling you'd like to have at a work situation, a skill you'd like to have, or something that you absolutely wouldn't want. A work situation or supervisor you read about. A work environment that you hear about or imagine.
What you're doing is articulating what works for you. If we were to do it in person or together we'd review and discuss the choices and analyze the patterns. Then the work of exploring new possibilities begins.
Combining this information with information we gather through the TIERS(c) (Temperament, Intellect, Expectations, Reality, Satisfaction) Coaching process we develop a solid picture with lots of information on what will work for you and sustain you professionally, financially, intellectually and emotionally as you move ahead to a new phase of your professional life. We then explore which possibilities will work and move ahead to get and achieve them.
In Jed's case he's always wanted to start a Non-Profit organization relating to a disability that his daughter has. We're working together to make that a reality for him.
Jed's initial reactions and experience of shock, dismay, fears, loss of self-esteem and sense of identity "this is who I've been for the last 27 years - who am I now?" have turned around and Jed said last week what I hear all the time from clients who have gone through the experience and worked their way through it "I never in a million years would have believed that I would think of being downsized as the best thing that could have ever happened to me!"
Good luck with the Priorities, Passions, Preferences, Perks, Promotions and Passes(c). If you have any questions or would like to send me some of your thoughts please feel free - I always love hearing from you.
Change is inevitable. Make the right changes for you.
Enjoy the day,
Rebecca "Kiki"
Monday, January 28, 2008
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Weingarten's Theory of Readiness - When? How? Best Way To?
This post has been deleted as the copyright protected content has been used without permission or compensation.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Transitions and Tolerating
This post really is in answer to questions I've gotten over the last week regarding the mid-life crisis article post, the falling down professions post and the phrase I used in the Barnes and Noble post about tolerating negative feelings. They're all connected so I'll just dive right in.
Here are some of the questions -
"When is the right time to make a transition?"
"Am I too old/young to be feeling this way?"
"Am I too old/young to be making a career transition?" "HOW can I make the transition? It feels too difficult."
"I'm in the midst of making changes but having trouble dealing with my feelings about it, I'm not sure, I can't take the reactions of the people around me, I don't want to hurt anyone else by my actions."
"Maybe I AM a cliche but am I supposed to sacrifice myself and the rest of my life in order to keep on living the way I have and hating my career, life situations?"
"I'm in a career that I hate and would like to make a change but I need to keep working while I do it, it's getting harder and harder to get up in the morning..."
"Why do I feel guilty putting myself first and making a change that will make my life better?"
"What do you mean by 'tolerating negative feelings'"?
"What causes burnout or the desire for a change? Are there things that are 'normal' and those that are just silly and unrealistic?
I don't think anyone is ever "too old" or "too young" to be making a transition. If somehow one finds oneself in the wrong career or profession why wait any longer? Why spend any more time doing something you don't want to be doing and that is impacting negatively on your life? Here are a couple of examples of how the need and desire for a change can surface at any age. Clients who are making transitions in their
20s, 30s, 40s, 50s,60s, and yes - 70s, and an inspiring story from my 90 year old mentor who is still working!
T.N. is 28 and on the corporate track. He had it all planned out and was living out his plans. College, Grad School, a few years in the corporate world then on for an MBA which would lead him to the position that he wanted. All seemed to be going well on the surface, T and I began working together when he was researching MBA programs and realized that the life he thought he wanted was not actually the one he wants. What now? What next?
J.S. is 36 and a successful attorney. She recently had her first baby and took a 6 month maternity leave. She and her husband had agreed that she would go back to work after the 6 months since she's the primary earner in the family. She's ready to go back to work but her husband thinks she should take more time off to stay home with the baby. J.S. and I are working on different ways for her to work full time but spend some of that time at home as a compromise since she does want to spend more time with the baby than she thought she would when she was first planning her maternity leave.
A.D. is a 48 year old doctor with a thriving practice. A workaholic since high school, his studies and work served as a haven for him. He loves study, he loves work, he teaches at a teaching hospital and loves the interaction with the med students. During difficult times in his personal life his work was a way of getting away from all of it. He was able to concentrate fully on the needs of his patients and the work he loved. But during the last couple of years since his divorce he's found that his work doesn't provide him with the haven-like feelings it did. He wants more of a "life" for himself and that's causing him to feel more resentful at work.
H.B. is a 54 year old filmmaker. She loves her work but has been feeling and putting up with the age-ism and sexism in her industry for too long. It's making her hate the work atmosphere she finds herself in and resentful of her some of her colleagues and the system in a way that is impeding her ability to be creative and work.
V.L. is a 56 year old woman who is retiring from a career as a teacher. She wants to continue working in some area but not sure what or how.
B.R. at 64 was a successful business owner for most of his working life. It included working "all the time" and not spending as much time as he wanted to doing "the things I love" but now he's not even sure of what those things are anymore. He wants a working retirement but isn't sure how to structure it or how to fill the extra time he'll have.
T.D. is in his mid 70s and has been retired for a couple of years. He's gotten his second wind and decided he wants to become technologically savvy, use the internet and possibly write a blog/book about his life.
Then there's my 90 year old mentor/professor who told me last week about the new patients she's started working with! Yes. You heard that right.
Are any of these situations easy? No. Do they bring up uncomfortable feelings during the process of deciding to make a change and while making the change? Yes.
When it comes to feelings, let's face the fact that we all have them all the time. We like some and chase experiences that allow us to feel them. We dislike others and try and mostly try and avoid circumstances that will bring them up.
The point is to acknowledge the discomfort and not let it dictate the choices you make. If you're feeling uncomfortable about making a change or the process required to do it the point isn't to say "this isn't the right thing for me". The objective is to be aware of it, figure out what's causing it and make decisions based on what's best for your future and the future you want to have.
That means tolerating some negative feelings. They're just feelings. They're not in charge. You are. They can be a useful tool. You can include them to figure out what's working and not working. What you want and what you don't want. Which techniques work for you and which don't. Which changes work for you and which don't.
So when you're thinking of making a change.
* The first step is to work through what the right change will be for you NO MATTER HOW OLD you are.
* Then ask yourself what you're willing to do and feel in order to get it.
Enjoy the day,
RK
Here are some of the questions -
"When is the right time to make a transition?"
"Am I too old/young to be feeling this way?"
"Am I too old/young to be making a career transition?" "HOW can I make the transition? It feels too difficult."
"I'm in the midst of making changes but having trouble dealing with my feelings about it, I'm not sure, I can't take the reactions of the people around me, I don't want to hurt anyone else by my actions."
"Maybe I AM a cliche but am I supposed to sacrifice myself and the rest of my life in order to keep on living the way I have and hating my career, life situations?"
"I'm in a career that I hate and would like to make a change but I need to keep working while I do it, it's getting harder and harder to get up in the morning..."
"Why do I feel guilty putting myself first and making a change that will make my life better?"
"What do you mean by 'tolerating negative feelings'"?
"What causes burnout or the desire for a change? Are there things that are 'normal' and those that are just silly and unrealistic?
I don't think anyone is ever "too old" or "too young" to be making a transition. If somehow one finds oneself in the wrong career or profession why wait any longer? Why spend any more time doing something you don't want to be doing and that is impacting negatively on your life? Here are a couple of examples of how the need and desire for a change can surface at any age. Clients who are making transitions in their
20s, 30s, 40s, 50s,60s, and yes - 70s, and an inspiring story from my 90 year old mentor who is still working!
T.N. is 28 and on the corporate track. He had it all planned out and was living out his plans. College, Grad School, a few years in the corporate world then on for an MBA which would lead him to the position that he wanted. All seemed to be going well on the surface, T and I began working together when he was researching MBA programs and realized that the life he thought he wanted was not actually the one he wants. What now? What next?
J.S. is 36 and a successful attorney. She recently had her first baby and took a 6 month maternity leave. She and her husband had agreed that she would go back to work after the 6 months since she's the primary earner in the family. She's ready to go back to work but her husband thinks she should take more time off to stay home with the baby. J.S. and I are working on different ways for her to work full time but spend some of that time at home as a compromise since she does want to spend more time with the baby than she thought she would when she was first planning her maternity leave.
A.D. is a 48 year old doctor with a thriving practice. A workaholic since high school, his studies and work served as a haven for him. He loves study, he loves work, he teaches at a teaching hospital and loves the interaction with the med students. During difficult times in his personal life his work was a way of getting away from all of it. He was able to concentrate fully on the needs of his patients and the work he loved. But during the last couple of years since his divorce he's found that his work doesn't provide him with the haven-like feelings it did. He wants more of a "life" for himself and that's causing him to feel more resentful at work.
H.B. is a 54 year old filmmaker. She loves her work but has been feeling and putting up with the age-ism and sexism in her industry for too long. It's making her hate the work atmosphere she finds herself in and resentful of her some of her colleagues and the system in a way that is impeding her ability to be creative and work.
V.L. is a 56 year old woman who is retiring from a career as a teacher. She wants to continue working in some area but not sure what or how.
B.R. at 64 was a successful business owner for most of his working life. It included working "all the time" and not spending as much time as he wanted to doing "the things I love" but now he's not even sure of what those things are anymore. He wants a working retirement but isn't sure how to structure it or how to fill the extra time he'll have.
T.D. is in his mid 70s and has been retired for a couple of years. He's gotten his second wind and decided he wants to become technologically savvy, use the internet and possibly write a blog/book about his life.
Then there's my 90 year old mentor/professor who told me last week about the new patients she's started working with! Yes. You heard that right.
Are any of these situations easy? No. Do they bring up uncomfortable feelings during the process of deciding to make a change and while making the change? Yes.
When it comes to feelings, let's face the fact that we all have them all the time. We like some and chase experiences that allow us to feel them. We dislike others and try and mostly try and avoid circumstances that will bring them up.
The point is to acknowledge the discomfort and not let it dictate the choices you make. If you're feeling uncomfortable about making a change or the process required to do it the point isn't to say "this isn't the right thing for me". The objective is to be aware of it, figure out what's causing it and make decisions based on what's best for your future and the future you want to have.
That means tolerating some negative feelings. They're just feelings. They're not in charge. You are. They can be a useful tool. You can include them to figure out what's working and not working. What you want and what you don't want. Which techniques work for you and which don't. Which changes work for you and which don't.
So when you're thinking of making a change.
* The first step is to work through what the right change will be for you NO MATTER HOW OLD you are.
* Then ask yourself what you're willing to do and feel in order to get it.
Enjoy the day,
RK
Thursday, January 17, 2008
What's Gotten Into Kids These Days? Wall Street Journal
A quick note for those of you who are parents of young children. Clients often deal with these issues and I wanted to direct you to a post about the issue that I posted at Daily Life Coaching 4 Kids.
Enjoy the day,
RK
Enjoy the day,
RK
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Crisis? Maybe He’s a Narcissistic Jerk - NY Times
Crisis? Maybe He’s a Narcissistic Jerk By RICHARD A. FRIEDMAN, M.D.
January 15, 2008
This article about the male mid-life crisis sure got everyone going yesterday! People wanted to know if this was them, their husband, their ex-husband or their future selves, husband, ex-husband and on and on. Is that why they're making a change? Planning a career change? Working on Work/Life Symmetry and Balance issues? Working on a transition from one lifestyle to another? Trying to change their workaholic ways? Working on stress management? Time management? Trying to Find Focus? It was a Rorschach test and everyone was taking it.
Here are a couple of quick thoughts and answers to some questions.
When you're making your first career decision as a young adult you often don't have all the information you need to make the best one to fit your life, temperament and your expectations can be wildly different than the reality of the work lifestyle. (All the things we work on in TIERS(c) coaching). Somehow you get pulled in and due to different kinds of obligations, societal pressures, momentum you end up staying there. You put up with it and you put up with it even if you don't like it and it isn't working for you until -
Dr. Friedman made a good point that often the change is made based on life circumstances and not only age. Very true.
Some of my clients are men (and women) in their 40s and 50s who are changing their lives. Age plays a role as the article describes.
It's always a good time to change your life for the better, whatever the prompts are. Life is too short and too precious not to be doing the things you want to and living the life you want to live, especially if there are things that you have it in your power to change for the better.
FYI - Dr. Friedman does say that he's 51....hmmmmm....
Enjoy the day - really!
Rebecca "Kiki"
January 15, 2008
This article about the male mid-life crisis sure got everyone going yesterday! People wanted to know if this was them, their husband, their ex-husband or their future selves, husband, ex-husband and on and on. Is that why they're making a change? Planning a career change? Working on Work/Life Symmetry and Balance issues? Working on a transition from one lifestyle to another? Trying to change their workaholic ways? Working on stress management? Time management? Trying to Find Focus? It was a Rorschach test and everyone was taking it.
Here are a couple of quick thoughts and answers to some questions.
When you're making your first career decision as a young adult you often don't have all the information you need to make the best one to fit your life, temperament and your expectations can be wildly different than the reality of the work lifestyle. (All the things we work on in TIERS(c) coaching). Somehow you get pulled in and due to different kinds of obligations, societal pressures, momentum you end up staying there. You put up with it and you put up with it even if you don't like it and it isn't working for you until -
Dr. Friedman made a good point that often the change is made based on life circumstances and not only age. Very true.
Some of my clients are men (and women) in their 40s and 50s who are changing their lives. Age plays a role as the article describes.
It's always a good time to change your life for the better, whatever the prompts are. Life is too short and too precious not to be doing the things you want to and living the life you want to live, especially if there are things that you have it in your power to change for the better.
FYI - Dr. Friedman does say that he's 51....hmmmmm....
Enjoy the day - really!
Rebecca "Kiki"
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Barnes and Noble Finding Focus/Writing Workshop - Coaching Tips
The most powerful concept that came out of yesterday's workshop was the one that is probably one of the most difficult to do. How to continue writing when the feelings that can come up during the writing feel too uncomfortable? Overwhelming? Unpleasant?
People were asking for ways to avoid having that experience but I believe that in writing, as in life, the best thing to do is to learn how to tolerate the feelings. How to be with them in order to continue.
There are times that the material you're working on is bringing up too many uncomfortable feelings. The impulse and desire to stop is overwhelming but often working with those feelings and using them in your writing can create some of your most powerful and surprising writing.
Thanks all, it was a great group with outstanding thoughts and ideas.
People were asking for ways to avoid having that experience but I believe that in writing, as in life, the best thing to do is to learn how to tolerate the feelings. How to be with them in order to continue.
There are times that the material you're working on is bringing up too many uncomfortable feelings. The impulse and desire to stop is overwhelming but often working with those feelings and using them in your writing can create some of your most powerful and surprising writing.
Thanks all, it was a great group with outstanding thoughts and ideas.
TIERS(c) Coaching - Finding Focus Coaching - Questions Answered...
I'm often asked about how I developed the TIERS(c) Coaching System and some of the other programs that I've developed and use.
Other questions that I've gotten from many of you since the last couple of postings are about the terms "multi-disciplinary" and "inter-disciplinary". Some others often asked questions are about your lives, work and work/life and how to find a symmetry and balance that will make them both pleasurable, meaningful, integrated and successful. (Other questions as to time and methods I'll answer in a later post.)
I'll try and answer the questions briefly here since they are all connected. The "long answer" is pretty long so I'll leave that for another time.
Here goes. Mostly it's about a search which has led me to some terrific knowledge, experiences and still continues....this section focuses on my studies and on work since I was doing both at the same time.
Once upon a time in a burg named Brooklyn there lived a girl (originally from Bennington, VT.) who had just started college and was majoring in Education and Psychology (Disciplines 1 and 2 in the multidisciplinary topic). She had always wanted to be a teacher and also loved psychology. She believed that in order to really reach students and people and help them to learn and live the best way they can, you had to understand them as best as you could. (FYI she had originally wanted to major in English but was so traumatized by her English 1 professor that she changed majors to the other two subjects - never fear she came back to writing and English later in grad school.)
On and on. School. Work. School and Work at the same time. Grad school -
Ok - I have to stop myself here because the "short answer" is starting to look a whole lot like a very very long answer (I actually just took out 2 paragraphs - I guess that writing workshop last night really got me going....)
Long story short.
The disciplines in "Multidisciplinary" as far as areas of study are Education, Psychology, Guidance, Counseling, Writing, English, Psychotherapy and Analysis, Administration and Supervision, Creativity and most recently the Neuropsychobiology of feelings, emotions and behavior. (Yes, I love to study but only after a very illustrious history as a mediocre student (and sometime behavior problem) up to and including my senior year in college...)
Throughout my work experience as an Educator, Program Developer and Trainer (for NYC,CUNY and others), Counselor, Coach, Web Pioneer, Director of Integration and Coordination of Youth Services for NYC/NYS, Writer, Playwright (and some more that I can't think of right now)I've always combined my knowledge and training and allowed one area to inform the others. Hence the Interdisciplinary.
I'm Ok with having two opposing opinions and feelings about the same topic. I'm ok with exploring and developing new ways of tackling old problems. I believe that it's imperative that we become more interdisciplinary in many areas of our education and work lives.
So. The TIERS(c)(Temperament, Intellect, Expectation, Reality, Satisfaction) Coaching and Finding Focus Coaching and all the other programs and methodologies are an outgrowth of this search.
The answers to the question I often ask "How can I best assist people in achieving their desires and potential and to actually find out what those are".
Hope this answers some of your questions.
Keep sending emails and questions. I love hearing from you.
Enjoy your day,
Rebecca "Kiki"
Other questions that I've gotten from many of you since the last couple of postings are about the terms "multi-disciplinary" and "inter-disciplinary". Some others often asked questions are about your lives, work and work/life and how to find a symmetry and balance that will make them both pleasurable, meaningful, integrated and successful. (Other questions as to time and methods I'll answer in a later post.)
I'll try and answer the questions briefly here since they are all connected. The "long answer" is pretty long so I'll leave that for another time.
Here goes. Mostly it's about a search which has led me to some terrific knowledge, experiences and still continues....this section focuses on my studies and on work since I was doing both at the same time.
Once upon a time in a burg named Brooklyn there lived a girl (originally from Bennington, VT.) who had just started college and was majoring in Education and Psychology (Disciplines 1 and 2 in the multidisciplinary topic). She had always wanted to be a teacher and also loved psychology. She believed that in order to really reach students and people and help them to learn and live the best way they can, you had to understand them as best as you could. (FYI she had originally wanted to major in English but was so traumatized by her English 1 professor that she changed majors to the other two subjects - never fear she came back to writing and English later in grad school.)
On and on. School. Work. School and Work at the same time. Grad school -
Ok - I have to stop myself here because the "short answer" is starting to look a whole lot like a very very long answer (I actually just took out 2 paragraphs - I guess that writing workshop last night really got me going....)
Long story short.
The disciplines in "Multidisciplinary" as far as areas of study are Education, Psychology, Guidance, Counseling, Writing, English, Psychotherapy and Analysis, Administration and Supervision, Creativity and most recently the Neuropsychobiology of feelings, emotions and behavior. (Yes, I love to study but only after a very illustrious history as a mediocre student (and sometime behavior problem) up to and including my senior year in college...)
Throughout my work experience as an Educator, Program Developer and Trainer (for NYC,CUNY and others), Counselor, Coach, Web Pioneer, Director of Integration and Coordination of Youth Services for NYC/NYS, Writer, Playwright (and some more that I can't think of right now)I've always combined my knowledge and training and allowed one area to inform the others. Hence the Interdisciplinary.
I'm Ok with having two opposing opinions and feelings about the same topic. I'm ok with exploring and developing new ways of tackling old problems. I believe that it's imperative that we become more interdisciplinary in many areas of our education and work lives.
So. The TIERS(c)(Temperament, Intellect, Expectation, Reality, Satisfaction) Coaching and Finding Focus Coaching and all the other programs and methodologies are an outgrowth of this search.
The answers to the question I often ask "How can I best assist people in achieving their desires and potential and to actually find out what those are".
Hope this answers some of your questions.
Keep sending emails and questions. I love hearing from you.
Enjoy your day,
Rebecca "Kiki"
Monday, January 14, 2008
Barnes and Noble Finding Focus/Writing Workshop
The Barnes and Noble Finding Focus/Writing Workshop is tonight at 7:00pm (Brooklyn Heights Barnes and Noble).
Some questions that I've gotten that I'll be addressing this evening include -
* What if you want to write something but when you sit down to write you end up writing this other thing?
* Could you talk more about 'wanting to write the best thing you can, and wanting to get the story out?'
* Some techniques for automatic writing?
* Identifying - and dumping - your inner critic/s (especially during a first draft).
* Creating compelling characters.
* "Why do I sometimes find myself hating my characters?" and
* What to do when you start hating the characters you've created.
It should be terrific - see you then!
RK
Some questions that I've gotten that I'll be addressing this evening include -
* What if you want to write something but when you sit down to write you end up writing this other thing?
* Could you talk more about 'wanting to write the best thing you can, and wanting to get the story out?'
* Some techniques for automatic writing?
* Identifying - and dumping - your inner critic/s (especially during a first draft).
* Creating compelling characters.
* "Why do I sometimes find myself hating my characters?" and
* What to do when you start hating the characters you've created.
It should be terrific - see you then!
RK
Thursday, January 10, 2008
A Welcoming Note - General Info and Answers to Questions
Hi to all and thanks for your emails, thoughts and questions!
During the last couple of weeks I've gotten an unprecendented amount of emails from many of you as well as visitors to the blog. Some of you I know as clients, workshop and seminar attendees or professional colleagues. Some of you are people I'm hearing from for the first time who've found me and the blog through a friend, article, the internet or just luck! So I just want to take a moment to say "hi" and tell you about Kick Start Self Coaching (http://kickstartselfcoaching.blogspot.com)
The blog originally started as a way for me to communicate with my clients. To answer questions that I've gotten from clients, workshop and seminar participants and others regarding issues that have come up, articles that I read that I think would be interesting and/or helpful. Some clients like to have contact between sessions and this was a way for them to "check in" and see what's going on besides their personal contact.
To the people who haven't yet met me it sounds like I can't possibly do all of these things but those who know me know that as annoying as that may make me sometimes(to some), I do. Simply, since I am interdisciplinary and multidisciplinary by training and experience (and temperament)in Education, Guidance and Counseling, Education and Government Program Development and Training, Mental Health, Writing, Drama, Creativity and Community Building and Organizing in Youth Development and Integration (a short bio is at http://www.dailylifeconsulting.com/kiki1.html) coaching areas include -
Transitions
Careers
Education
Work/Life Balance
Time Management/Stress Management
Burnout
On the Creativity front they include -
Writing
Writing Blocks
Unlocking Creative Blocks
Creativity Coaching
and Storytelling (character analysis, story analysis, script and story coaching and doctoring).
On the program front they include -
Finding Focus
Finding Focus/Career
Finding Focus/Career Transitions.
Finding Focus/Writing
Finding Focus/Creativity
Work/Life Symmetry
TIERS(c)Coaching (Temperament, Intellect, Expectations, Reality, Satisfaction
Work/Life Symmetry
The Daily Life Coaching 4 Kids http://dailylifecoaching4kids.blogspot.com and Running Snail Educational Consulting and Edutainment are pretty much what they sound like based on my education, training and experience in teaching,developing, creating and implementing programs and entertainment/edutainment for children.
Having said that, this week I got a lot of responses to the posts about the Falling Down Professions article in the NY Times and it's been great hearing from all of you. I have been thinking through program ideas directed specifically to these two professions - doctors and lawyers - and will keep you posted but in the meantime Transition Coaching or Burnout Coaching are two great options for you.
Meanwhile, keep your email questions and comments coming - I'm always happy and interested to hear from you. I'll answer them in as timely a manner as possible. During the week you can expect a 1-2 day response time, over the weekend it would be a longer response time - but I will answer.
Having said all that
No, I don't do it all at once.
No it didn't happen in an instant.
Yes. I love it. All the topics at different times.
Yes. It takes planning and training and being able to integrate and separate different areas.
Yes. I love hearing from you.
No. My current area of study is actually in a different, although related field.
Yes. I intend to keep on keepin' on.
And like I always tell people - so much of what I needed to know about coaching I learned by teaching first grade (not to mention non-english speaking immigrant first-graders). You take it one step at a time. You keep on trying until you get it right. You build from one experience to another and add to your knowledge bank. You ask lots of questions. You try new things. You fail. You try again. Then you start again with something else. You grow and you learn. You learn as you grow and you grow as you learn.
Have a great day,
Rebecca Kiki
During the last couple of weeks I've gotten an unprecendented amount of emails from many of you as well as visitors to the blog. Some of you I know as clients, workshop and seminar attendees or professional colleagues. Some of you are people I'm hearing from for the first time who've found me and the blog through a friend, article, the internet or just luck! So I just want to take a moment to say "hi" and tell you about Kick Start Self Coaching (http://kickstartselfcoaching.blogspot.com)
The blog originally started as a way for me to communicate with my clients. To answer questions that I've gotten from clients, workshop and seminar participants and others regarding issues that have come up, articles that I read that I think would be interesting and/or helpful. Some clients like to have contact between sessions and this was a way for them to "check in" and see what's going on besides their personal contact.
To the people who haven't yet met me it sounds like I can't possibly do all of these things but those who know me know that as annoying as that may make me sometimes(to some), I do. Simply, since I am interdisciplinary and multidisciplinary by training and experience (and temperament)in Education, Guidance and Counseling, Education and Government Program Development and Training, Mental Health, Writing, Drama, Creativity and Community Building and Organizing in Youth Development and Integration (a short bio is at http://www.dailylifeconsulting.com/kiki1.html) coaching areas include -
Transitions
Careers
Education
Work/Life Balance
Time Management/Stress Management
Burnout
On the Creativity front they include -
Writing
Writing Blocks
Unlocking Creative Blocks
Creativity Coaching
and Storytelling (character analysis, story analysis, script and story coaching and doctoring).
On the program front they include -
Finding Focus
Finding Focus/Career
Finding Focus/Career Transitions.
Finding Focus/Writing
Finding Focus/Creativity
Work/Life Symmetry
TIERS(c)Coaching (Temperament, Intellect, Expectations, Reality, Satisfaction
Work/Life Symmetry
The Daily Life Coaching 4 Kids http://dailylifecoaching4kids.blogspot.com and Running Snail Educational Consulting and Edutainment are pretty much what they sound like based on my education, training and experience in teaching,developing, creating and implementing programs and entertainment/edutainment for children.
Having said that, this week I got a lot of responses to the posts about the Falling Down Professions article in the NY Times and it's been great hearing from all of you. I have been thinking through program ideas directed specifically to these two professions - doctors and lawyers - and will keep you posted but in the meantime Transition Coaching or Burnout Coaching are two great options for you.
Meanwhile, keep your email questions and comments coming - I'm always happy and interested to hear from you. I'll answer them in as timely a manner as possible. During the week you can expect a 1-2 day response time, over the weekend it would be a longer response time - but I will answer.
Having said all that
No, I don't do it all at once.
No it didn't happen in an instant.
Yes. I love it. All the topics at different times.
Yes. It takes planning and training and being able to integrate and separate different areas.
Yes. I love hearing from you.
No. My current area of study is actually in a different, although related field.
Yes. I intend to keep on keepin' on.
And like I always tell people - so much of what I needed to know about coaching I learned by teaching first grade (not to mention non-english speaking immigrant first-graders). You take it one step at a time. You keep on trying until you get it right. You build from one experience to another and add to your knowledge bank. You ask lots of questions. You try new things. You fail. You try again. Then you start again with something else. You grow and you learn. You learn as you grow and you grow as you learn.
Have a great day,
Rebecca Kiki
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
The Falling Down Professions - Quick Tips
Ok - quick and dirty - here's the deal. Most of you who have written and spoken to me about being in one of the "falling down professions" want relief NOW. TODAY. YESTERDAY. LAST WEEK/MONTH/YEAR/ DECADE?.
Each situation is different but first - don't do anything drastic. It takes time to figure out what you want, what to change and how to change it. The change that's right for your friend who emailed the article to you and who you've been complaining to for the last ______ might not be the right change for you.
Start by thinking about what it is that you would like. Sounds simple. It is but it's also complicated.
Now, to get relief immediately begin incorporating pleasure into your daily life. Sounds simple. It can be. Think of the things that make you smile, laugh, feel a bit more relaxed, a bit less tense. It can be physical activity, it can be intellectual stimulation, a vacation day or hour, a walk in the park, a spa day, a skiing trip, a weekend in a warm climate, whatever works for you.
This allows you to feel better about your daily life and gives you more energy to think and plan for a better future.
What will you do today? What will you plan for tomorrow? One tiny thing at a time can make a big difference.
RK
Each situation is different but first - don't do anything drastic. It takes time to figure out what you want, what to change and how to change it. The change that's right for your friend who emailed the article to you and who you've been complaining to for the last ______ might not be the right change for you.
Start by thinking about what it is that you would like. Sounds simple. It is but it's also complicated.
Now, to get relief immediately begin incorporating pleasure into your daily life. Sounds simple. It can be. Think of the things that make you smile, laugh, feel a bit more relaxed, a bit less tense. It can be physical activity, it can be intellectual stimulation, a vacation day or hour, a walk in the park, a spa day, a skiing trip, a weekend in a warm climate, whatever works for you.
This allows you to feel better about your daily life and gives you more energy to think and plan for a better future.
What will you do today? What will you plan for tomorrow? One tiny thing at a time can make a big difference.
RK
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
The Falling Down Professions - NY Times - Follow- Up - Whoa!
Ok - I have gotten responses to posts but I must say that this was unbelievable. I've gotten so many emails with so many questions about coaching for this issue that I'm thinking about how to approach this issue in particular and perhaps developing aprogram especially for people in these two professions. Give me some time. The wheels are turning.....
In general I will say "yes" and "no" and "but" to all your questions and concerns.
YES!!!!!!!! You can make a change at any time of your professional life. YES you can have a rewarding, satisfying and enjoyable life starting now. YES you can make smaller changes while you make the big changes so that your daily life feels more comfortable and you liberate some of your energy, new ambitions and desires. Yes to a lot more....
NO. It doesn't mean it will be very, very easy or without any emotional or psychological conflict. There are sometimes conflicting feelings about whether to leave, why to leave, alternative career paths, familial, social and societal expectations to deal with. There are the whys and wherefores and the nitty gritty of making the change and the difficulties that sometimes come up.
BUT. You're not alone. I love working with clients through transitions. Having gone through them myself I know the difficulties that can come up. I know the issues. I also know how to work through them. I know how to guide, assist and support you in making the right change for you. It is my great pleasure to work with people and see them go on to shine in their chosen field and positions.
If I haven't answered you personally yet, I will do so within the next day or so.
Meanwhile, many of the email questions which I cannot and would not share here sounded much like that of James which he posted and which I've included here.
James asked - Is there really a way of transitioning from one of those professions? I've spent almost 20 years hating every day of it but having put all the energy and time into it, not to mention the financial rewards I'm not sure what the answer is.
Rebecca "Kiki" Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA said...
Hi James,
Ok - not to make light of your question but have you spent the 20 years putting the energy into hating it - or into doing it? Hmmmm.
The financial rewards make it very very seductive and rewarding and therefore harder to make a change.
Now for an answer - yes it is possible to transition and you can transition while retaining some of the elements that are rewarding and positive. No need to throw away what you've done and achieved. You use the best parts of it and take them with you.
I don't have enough information about you or your situation to say more. If you'd like to email me some of the info or a question or to continue this conversation please feel free to email me at rebecca at dailylifeconsulting dot com
Good luck and try and enjoy whatever you can of the day,
RK
Hang in there everyone! You can make the change. I know it. I'm rooting for you!
Rebecca Kiki
In general I will say "yes" and "no" and "but" to all your questions and concerns.
YES!!!!!!!! You can make a change at any time of your professional life. YES you can have a rewarding, satisfying and enjoyable life starting now. YES you can make smaller changes while you make the big changes so that your daily life feels more comfortable and you liberate some of your energy, new ambitions and desires. Yes to a lot more....
NO. It doesn't mean it will be very, very easy or without any emotional or psychological conflict. There are sometimes conflicting feelings about whether to leave, why to leave, alternative career paths, familial, social and societal expectations to deal with. There are the whys and wherefores and the nitty gritty of making the change and the difficulties that sometimes come up.
BUT. You're not alone. I love working with clients through transitions. Having gone through them myself I know the difficulties that can come up. I know the issues. I also know how to work through them. I know how to guide, assist and support you in making the right change for you. It is my great pleasure to work with people and see them go on to shine in their chosen field and positions.
If I haven't answered you personally yet, I will do so within the next day or so.
Meanwhile, many of the email questions which I cannot and would not share here sounded much like that of James which he posted and which I've included here.
James asked - Is there really a way of transitioning from one of those professions? I've spent almost 20 years hating every day of it but having put all the energy and time into it, not to mention the financial rewards I'm not sure what the answer is.
Rebecca "Kiki" Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA said...
Hi James,
Ok - not to make light of your question but have you spent the 20 years putting the energy into hating it - or into doing it? Hmmmm.
The financial rewards make it very very seductive and rewarding and therefore harder to make a change.
Now for an answer - yes it is possible to transition and you can transition while retaining some of the elements that are rewarding and positive. No need to throw away what you've done and achieved. You use the best parts of it and take them with you.
I don't have enough information about you or your situation to say more. If you'd like to email me some of the info or a question or to continue this conversation please feel free to email me at rebecca at dailylifeconsulting dot com
Good luck and try and enjoy whatever you can of the day,
RK
Hang in there everyone! You can make the change. I know it. I'm rooting for you!
Rebecca Kiki
Neuroeconomics - Decision Making and the Brain
Neuroeconomics
Decision Making and the Brain Symposium at NYU (New York University) January 11-13 organized by the NYU Center for Neural Studies.
One of my heroes, Antonio D'Amasio, will be presenting on Friday, January 11th. If you're in the NY area and are interested in the topic you can get more information here.
Decision Making and the Brain Symposium at NYU (New York University) January 11-13 organized by the NYU Center for Neural Studies.
One of my heroes, Antonio D'Amasio, will be presenting on Friday, January 11th. If you're in the NY area and are interested in the topic you can get more information here.
Monday, January 7, 2008
The Falling-Down Professions - NY Times
The Falling-Down Professions by Alex Williams - great article. Doctors and lawyers that I work with are so conflicted by the different feelings they have about their work and the way it impacts their lives. Especially since they've devoted so much time and energy to becoming good/great at their professions and are highly driven and motivated. What now? What next? Am I losing the meaningful part of the work that I wanted? What sacrifices have I had to make personally and was it worth it? Can I change direction and lifestyle now? How can I change my lifestyle? How can I transition to a different way of working, living and possibly a different career track in the same field.
Williams describes the professions and the work world and how it's changed and with it changed people's attitudes. He also makes some terrific points about students attitudes to the work and careers. I come across it all the time with the college, graduate and post-graduate students I work with.
FYI - it's never too late to make a change. Your future is in front of you.
RK
Williams describes the professions and the work world and how it's changed and with it changed people's attitudes. He also makes some terrific points about students attitudes to the work and careers. I come across it all the time with the college, graduate and post-graduate students I work with.
FYI - it's never too late to make a change. Your future is in front of you.
RK
Thursday, January 3, 2008
You Know More Than You Know You Know
You know more than you know you know. There it is in a nutshell. A new way of looking at yourself in 2008. It's an interesting issue that comes up often with clients as a result of a gap between personal strengths and abilities, and self-knowledge of those strengths and abilities.
For example, S.K. is working on an early transition plan. He's planning on retiring from his current position while still in his 40s and and knows that he has no intention of just "sitting around". During the course of our work one of the areas he's been exploring is what he might enjoy and what he might be well suited for. Sam has worked in finance for over 25 years and today he said "but what do I
know? I've only done this one thing my whole working life. What else would I know how to do?". What else? If you met Sam you'd be amazed at his knowledge, skills and areas of expertise but to him it's "just what I do".
T.V. is a graduate student finishing her studies in Psychology. For T. the question to answer is how does her interest in psychology translate into every day life and work? We've been working through her areas of expertise and interest and today reviewed a chart that she made of all of them. She was amazed at the things she knows and what she's able to do. To Thea it's "just what I do".
I was interviewed for an article by J. and when I pointed out all the elements that went into the interview and all the things he had to know how to do in order to get that interview going and completed, he was amazed. To Joe it was "just what I do."
I did it myself. I was interviewed by G. for an article she's writing and she commented on an online Q&A session that I'd done for a group she belongs to. She said the nicest things (thanks G!) and then said that she'd been really amazed by my ability to go from one topic to another and deal with different issues in different areas. I was speechless(not a usual occurrence) simply because I hadn't thought of it that way. I know that I'm multidisciplinary and use information from all areas for the different work I do so to me it was "just what I do."
What do you just do?
Here's a quick exercise I often use with clients to help them become aware of the multitude of skills, abilities, areas of expertise, tips and shortcuts they have and know but don't realize on a daily life basis because by now it's so routine, so familiar, so comfortable that it's "just what they do."
Materials - writing instruments, your memory, your day planner if you need it.
What to do-
1. Think back on your day. No pressure, no right or wrong answers. Just what you did.
2. Write down everything. If you started the day with exercise, or meditation, or breakfast, or getting the kids out on time, or trying an alternate route because there was traffic on your usual route.
3. Write down what you did for work or school (if school is in session or if you're working on a project).
This part requires a bit of analyzing and identifying of the above.
4. Describe what you did in order to complete #s 2 and 3 above.
For example, S.K. started off by reading the Wall Street Journal as he ran on the treadmill and mentally prepared for the conference call that was going to happen next week that he had to have information for, as well as a business lunch with the CEO of a company a client of his was interested in. Now to Sam that might be "just what I do" but to me it sounded like a lot of skill and knowledge went into that "just what I do". S.K. might do it but he wasn't aware of the things he knew that he knew in order to "just do it." (How much fun was that sentence?) So S.K.'s list included planning ahead, multitasking, researching, delegating tasks, intellectual planning of questions, training in computation, calculation and analyzing, negotiating skills and techniques and more. All traits and skills that can be transferred and used in many ways.
What did you do today?
What strengths, abilities, knowledge and training went into accomplishing them?
Break it down into the smallest pieces that you can. You'll be amazed at what you know how to do.
When it comes to transitions a favorite quote of mine "Begin from where you are. There is no where else." (I hate not to attribute things to the person who said them but I was sure it was Rainer Maria Rilke but can't find confirmation online so I'll keep looking and attribute it another time.)
I'll add to that to embrace and acknowledge who you are where you are. What it took to get there. What you know as a result of where you are and how you can take it and use it in your new future.
You know more than you know. Amaze yourself!
RK
For example, S.K. is working on an early transition plan. He's planning on retiring from his current position while still in his 40s and and knows that he has no intention of just "sitting around". During the course of our work one of the areas he's been exploring is what he might enjoy and what he might be well suited for. Sam has worked in finance for over 25 years and today he said "but what do I
know? I've only done this one thing my whole working life. What else would I know how to do?". What else? If you met Sam you'd be amazed at his knowledge, skills and areas of expertise but to him it's "just what I do".
T.V. is a graduate student finishing her studies in Psychology. For T. the question to answer is how does her interest in psychology translate into every day life and work? We've been working through her areas of expertise and interest and today reviewed a chart that she made of all of them. She was amazed at the things she knows and what she's able to do. To Thea it's "just what I do".
I was interviewed for an article by J. and when I pointed out all the elements that went into the interview and all the things he had to know how to do in order to get that interview going and completed, he was amazed. To Joe it was "just what I do."
I did it myself. I was interviewed by G. for an article she's writing and she commented on an online Q&A session that I'd done for a group she belongs to. She said the nicest things (thanks G!) and then said that she'd been really amazed by my ability to go from one topic to another and deal with different issues in different areas. I was speechless(not a usual occurrence) simply because I hadn't thought of it that way. I know that I'm multidisciplinary and use information from all areas for the different work I do so to me it was "just what I do."
What do you just do?
Here's a quick exercise I often use with clients to help them become aware of the multitude of skills, abilities, areas of expertise, tips and shortcuts they have and know but don't realize on a daily life basis because by now it's so routine, so familiar, so comfortable that it's "just what they do."
Materials - writing instruments, your memory, your day planner if you need it.
What to do-
1. Think back on your day. No pressure, no right or wrong answers. Just what you did.
2. Write down everything. If you started the day with exercise, or meditation, or breakfast, or getting the kids out on time, or trying an alternate route because there was traffic on your usual route.
3. Write down what you did for work or school (if school is in session or if you're working on a project).
This part requires a bit of analyzing and identifying of the above.
4. Describe what you did in order to complete #s 2 and 3 above.
For example, S.K. started off by reading the Wall Street Journal as he ran on the treadmill and mentally prepared for the conference call that was going to happen next week that he had to have information for, as well as a business lunch with the CEO of a company a client of his was interested in. Now to Sam that might be "just what I do" but to me it sounded like a lot of skill and knowledge went into that "just what I do". S.K. might do it but he wasn't aware of the things he knew that he knew in order to "just do it." (How much fun was that sentence?) So S.K.'s list included planning ahead, multitasking, researching, delegating tasks, intellectual planning of questions, training in computation, calculation and analyzing, negotiating skills and techniques and more. All traits and skills that can be transferred and used in many ways.
What did you do today?
What strengths, abilities, knowledge and training went into accomplishing them?
Break it down into the smallest pieces that you can. You'll be amazed at what you know how to do.
When it comes to transitions a favorite quote of mine "Begin from where you are. There is no where else." (I hate not to attribute things to the person who said them but I was sure it was Rainer Maria Rilke but can't find confirmation online so I'll keep looking and attribute it another time.)
I'll add to that to embrace and acknowledge who you are where you are. What it took to get there. What you know as a result of where you are and how you can take it and use it in your new future.
You know more than you know. Amaze yourself!
RK
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
The New Year’s Cocktail: Regret With a Dash of Bitters - NY Times
Happy 2008 everyone! No, I'm not sure what I'm doing in front of the computer this morning...but this article is the perfect antidote to New Year's Day. The New Year’s Cocktail: Regret With a Dash of Bitters By BENEDICT CAREY
Love it. Some interesting insights about how to look at one's life and choices. Enjoy and we'll talk more tomorrow when it's not so, so, so New Year's Day-ish.
RK
Love it. Some interesting insights about how to look at one's life and choices. Enjoy and we'll talk more tomorrow when it's not so, so, so New Year's Day-ish.
RK
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