Ask For Help - A Little Can Go A Long Way

If you have a question or issue you'd like help with send me an email to kiki at daily life consulting dot com and if I can I'll try and post a response here. That's the very short answer to a lot of the questions I've gotten recently. If you're not ready for coaching (financially, time-wise or emotionally) you don't have to jump right in but you don't have to suffer either. I can't take it when people suffer or struggle through something. I know I can't solve all the world's problems but....so here's what it's all about.

People ask me all the time how I came to do the things I do. Short answer, I really love helping people live better lives. I love helping people live the lives they want to live.
I became a teacher in order to be the kind of teacher I wished I had had. Guidance and Counseling? I wanted to guide and counsel in the way I wished I'd been. Coordinating NYC Youth Services? I wanted children all over NYC to get the directed help and programs that they needed in the simplest and most efficient way possible, and hopefully set an example for other cities in the US to develop databases and systems to enable them to do the same.

Psychology and my mental health studies are a way of giving me more information to help me achieve my goal in helping others achieve theirs. The creative arts a whole other story. But back to Coaching.

Coaching is a combination of all of the above. Teaching, Guidance, Counseling, developing and creating programs to assist people in attaining their goals, guiding people toward services and programs that can enrich their lives.
I like to help people. It's my nature. It's a result of what I've seen people go through in life. It's just who I am. Really, don't apologize if you send an email or ask a question you need some assistance with. Sometimes I can just post a general answer.

For example - shout out to the young woman on the Brooklyn bound F train from Manhattan on Friday afternoon at about 4:30pm - it took everything I had not to go over and just give you a one shot coaching burst just to get you out of your funk!

Here's a young woman who is describing her life to some friends she hadn't seen in a while. She's now a lawyer and apparently gave up her dream of being involved in sports on some level. Her friends were shocked "but you looooooove sports....you were always so into it....I can't believe you're not doing anything sports-related."

So here's this young woman who probably killed herself to get through Law School and now she's miserable (you should have seen the body language and tone of voice). I couldn't take it but at the same time I didn't think it was appropriate to hand her my card or start giving her unasked for advice and guidance. (If you happen to read this - send me an email - there are lots of ways that you can incorporate the things you love into your life.)

So ask for help, even if all you need is to let someone know you feel like you might need it at some point. It might not sound like a "big issue" but if it's bugging you, that's big enough.

Send an email to me at kiki at daily life consultin dot com and put 'a little help needed' in the subject line and I'll try and respond as soon as I can either via email or as a blog post.

Enjoy the day your way,
RK
Rebecca Kiki Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA
Daily Life Consulting

More On Goals

I received lots of emails and questions regarding the Goal Post that I posted earlier this week.

Lots of questions. Some specific. Some general. I'll free associate some thoughts I had and some of the discussions that have followed as a result.

Goal Posts: Wouldn't it be great if we had them clearly set out there?
Guide/Instruction Book: Ditto how terrific it would be to have one for each goal.

What do you think of when you hear the words "setting goals"?:
People have different reactions.
Some love setting them and just blasting forward.
Some people imagine how terrific they'll feel when they've achieved their goals. Some people think of the financial rewards.
Some people think about the emotional rewards.
Some people think about the intellectual rewards.
Some people think about the ego-gratification rewards.
Some people think of the look on their friends' faces at the reunion.
Some people become overwhelmed by the thought of all that goes into achieving them.
Some people immediately think about everything that can go wrong on the way.
Some people think about all the difficulties that will be involved.
Some people think of the sacrifices they may or may not want to make.
Some people have more than one goal.
Some people have goals that seem to conflict with one another.
Some people like to make charts to plan them out.
Some people like visual cues.
Some people like financial milestones.
Some people like emotional milestones.
Some people like intellectual milestones.
Some people like psychological milestones.
Some people like the idea of a good day's work.
Some people think there is no such thing as a "good" day at work.
On and on and on.

If it were simple and everyone knew exactly what they wanted and exactly how to get it everyone would be doing it already wouldn't they?
Something gets in the way.
Sometimes lots of things get in the way.

While mulling this over the image of a stagecoach came to mind. Maybe I'd seen 3:10 To Yuma that one time too many but there it was. Then I thought of those scenes where something's holding the stage up. The driver's got to get the wheels out of the mud, or the horses are skittish because they sense a storm a brewin'. Maybe the driver's got to dump some of the baggage on board because it's holding them back from moving forward. The next image I had was of the driver just jumping on those horses and driving on to his destination. In the timeless dialogue of old westerns - that yee-ha! moment.

Sometimes that's what the process is like. Figuring out where you want to get to.
Figuring out how to get there.
Overcoming obstacles along the way.
Developing the tools you need to get you there, sustain you and enable you to move forward on your own.
Finally taking the reins yourself and having your own yee-ha! moment and life.

(Remind me not to free-associate in the ether here. Sometimes I "do go on" as they say.)

Well anyway, hope this answers some of your questions and comments. If there's more information you'd like or to talk about this more please email me at rebecca at dailylifeconsulting dot com.

Enjoy the day - any which way,
RK
Rebecca Kiki Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA (APA)
Daily Life Consulting

Workplace Harrassment - Bullying - When the Bully Sits in the Next Cubicle (or office)

Important and excellent article in today's NY Times When the Bully Sits in the Next Cubicle about harrassment and bullying at the workplace. I added "or office" because this kind of bullying goes on at the management level as well. I work with clients who have experienced it or who are experiencing it.

If you feel or think you're being harrassed do not minimize your thoughts or feelings about the matter. I say this from both sides of the coaching relationship.
I won't go into the details here on my personal experience but suffice it to say that it is really horrible. It is because of this that I am so compassionate and understanding when working with people at the highest level of management who come in for coaching to deal with the issue. Sometimes they think they're "imagining it", being "too sensitive", begin to "doubt their own capabilities", "feel paranoid", "feel depressed", "don't want to go to work in the morning" and more.

Coaching Tip: (and yes, I will shout this one)
DO NOT MINIMIZE WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH!!!
Check out the the survey developed by Researchers at the State University of New York in New Paltz of behaviors that can constitute bullying. If not addressed, and taken care of, the affects can be long lasting and can really damage your professional confidence and sense of self. Don't wait to take action. Speak to someone YOU TRUST either in your HR department, or find a coach or advisor who can help you get through it.

I was lucky that I had amazing support and the personal and professional training, experience and integrity to see what was going on. I also had the support of people higher up than those who were doing the bullying so that I was able to see the situation for what it was. As a firm believer of my own Boomerang theory, I knew it was inevitable that the people in question would get their just desserts. I did what was right for me in order to move forward successfully and was lucky enough to see that indeed what they had sent out into the world ricocheted and came right back to them.

For more information on the topic please feel free to email me at rebecca at dailylifeconsulting dot com.

Good Luck,
RK
Rebecca Kiki Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA
Daily Life Consulting

Goals, Goal Setting, Anxiety, Achievement, Success - Shall I go on?

Clients are coming in with new ambitions, new ideas, new energy and ready to set and achieve new goals. Great news. Bad news? Thinking it can be done in a flash like everything else we've gotten used to doing with the press of a button or click of a mouse. One problem - we're not computers. So setting goals and achieving them can sometimes feel like it's taking time. Nowadays when things take time people can become frustrated, distracted, impatient. So let's look at this as humans and not machines.

Setting Goals. SETTING GOALS. Setting goals. Goal setting. "I want to set some goals."
"I want to achieve my goals."
"I can't seem to set goals."
"I can't seem to achieve my goals."
Questions and comments I hear all the time.

I have a question. What are goals?
I guess that begs an answer. Hmmmm. Well, goals are or can be;
Exciting
Thrilling
Fun
A pain
An adrenaline inducing concept
Elusive
Confusing
Conflicting
Multiple
Desired
Difficult to achieve
Easy to achieve
Easy to figure out
Difficult to figure out
Difficult to articulate
Easy to articulate
What one is expected to do
What one wants to do
What one needs to do
What society wants
What the family wants
What the soul wants
What the psyche wants
What the intellect wants
What the five senses want

How's that for a start?
Confusing? No kidding.
Maybe the dictionary can help us narrow it down. I went to Dictionary.com and received 10 responses to a request for a definition. Ok, they're confused too.

Some people start their coaching thinking they'd like to achieve x,y or z goal only to find as the coaching progresses that what they thought they wanted isn't actually what they really wanted.

So, if you're feeling confused or not sure, or don't know what you're thinking, or thinking you're not knowing what you're thinking, let me put your mind at ease.
You're not the only one.
You are not alone.
You don't have to do it on your own.
You don't have to have it figured out in one day or one session or one month.
It's an ongoing process that doesn't have to be written in stone.
You can change your mind.
You can have more than one goal.
You can have more than one goal at a time.
You can have multiple and/or conflicting goals.
It's a matter of working through it, figuring it out, getting it clear in your mind and self, taking steps to achieve it/them and overcoming challenges along the way.

You can do it.
You don't have to do it alone.
It can be done.

So now really have a great day your way,
RK

Rebecca Kiki Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA
Daily Life Consulting
rebecca at dailylifeconsulting dot com

Decision Making - Keeping Your Cool - Re:Speed Secrets of a Racing Prodigy

I love speed racing (to watch, not participate in, although it was a childhood wish of mine to be a race car driver...ah yes...while most little girls were wishing for ballerina slippers I was wishing for race car helmets but that's all for another day...) where was I? Oh yes, that's one of the things that drew me to the article in the WSJ "Speed Secrets of a Racing Prodigy" about Lewis Hamilton. The article describes his racing with F1 which is Europe's Nascar but with some grueling differences.

What I found fascinating was the description of Hamilton's special skill and nerves of steel to "pass by braking - waiting longer than the other driver to hit the brake before entering a turn". The article by Darren Everson continues on to describe how he learned this special skill through preparation for it by working with Kerry Spackman, a neuroscientist employed by Hamilton's team. "Dr. Spackman tries to help drivers improve decision-making by getting them to feel a greater sense of calm." Fantastic!!! I'll say that again because the concept works in most areas of life.

"Dr. Spackman tries to help drivers improve decision-making by getting them to feel a greater sense of calm."

That's one of the goals of our coaching and one of the skills I work with clients on.
Hysteria, anxiety, stress levels, internal and interpersonal conflicts all impede our ability to make the best possible decisions at any given time.

Yes, there are people who make decisions best when under pressure but even under those circumstances they need (or have already) developed a way of maintaining internal calm that allows them to make the best decisions.

There are many ways and techniques of developing a greater sense of calmness when making decisions. Different people respond in different ways, but the goal remains the same. To stay as calm as possible in order to make the best decision possible.

Quick Tip: I worked with one client who just froze when he had to make on-the-spot decisions which was a BIG problem since his work involved many on-the-spot decisions which were crucial to his work. We worked together using a number of techniques but the one that he enjoyed the most and that worked for him was the old egg-timer technique.

I used one of those old-fangled egg-timers and set it in minute and then second increments. He was given a "problem" and had to come up with the answer/solution in the alloted time. At first even the simplest problems were impossible since it was the pressure that caused him to freeze. Eventually the time constraint wasn't a problem an he enjoyed beating the clock to come up with more and more complicated solutions.

Whatever works!

Enjoy the day your way,
RK
Rebecca Kiki Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA (APA)
Daily Life Consulting

Why We're Powerless to Resist Grazing On Endless Web Data - Wall Street Journal (No Comment)

I so love this article in the Wall Street Journal - Why We're Powerless to Resist Grazing On Endless Web Data by Lee Gomes. For one thing it helps me understand myself and my clients better, for another it helped me decide once and for all to shut the "comments" function on these blogs. Most of you respond via email or during sessions so it never made much sense and now, well, it's just better all around.

What is it about information? I'm an information and knowledge junkie myself. I can't get enough of it. I love learning new things and figuring out solutions of all kinds. (That's now - don't ask about grade school and high school!) The article also points me in the direction of Irving Biederman, a neuroscientist at USC who studies the evolutionary and biological basis of the human need for information. How cool is that?

Quick Coaching Tip: Graze for information but try and control your intake. Don't overload. If you have a tendency to overload on information try and set a time limit for grazing with breaks in between for R&R (that doesn't include knowledge or information absorption!)

Career (Crisis) Short-Term Coaching - Some Info

Times are tough. That's the reality. It's hitting lots of people either directly or indirectly.

We've been getting lots of calls and emails from clients old and new, from early-career to mid-career to pre-retirement to "should I take the buyout/early retirement incentive?" to boomers to burnouts to layoffs and downsizing to professionals running their own practices to creatives all with issues they want and need to handle, resolve, figure out or strategize. This is the time many people come for some short-term coaching.

What is short-term coaching
Coaching, Guidance and Strategizing for a short period of time.

How long is short-term coaching?
The length of the coaching differs depending on the issues and concerns. It runs from 2 sessions to 8 sessions with different permutations depending on your needs.

* 2 session phone and/or email or face-to-face coaching
* 4 session phone and/or email or face-to-face coaching
* 6 session phone and/or email or face-to-face coaching
* 8 session phone and/or email or face-to-face coaching

Coaching areas include, but are not limited to-
Troubleshooting
Strategizing Options
Layoff/downsizing/early retirement next-step options
Burnout-but-have-to-stick-with-it-for-now management techniques
Executive coaching for dealing with a smaller staff and/or low morale
Productivity issues and incentive strategies for difficult times/situations
Stress management
Time management (especially for those who have to do more with less)

Good luck!
For more information email me at rebecca at dailylifeconsulting dot com
RK

Rebecca Kiki Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA (member APA)
Daily Life Consulting

Putting Ideas To Work - Knowledge Management article - Wall Street Journal + Intro EtherThink Inc.

Yesterday's Wall Street Journal's Journal Report was about Technology and Knowledge Management. If you haven't read it, do it now. It's full of terrific articles with down to earth information and direction. One article in particular Putting Ideas to Work dovetailed with our Hi-Tech/Hi-Touch EtherThink Inc. which will be rolled out within the next few months. It's an addition and adjunct to our coaching programs for corporations, businesses, professions and individuals.

Basically EtherThink Inc. works with you to ask and answer these Hi-Tech/Hi-Touch questions and more.
How can I best communicate my(corporation/business/entertainment/media/personal) ideas, thoughts and information using the newest technologies?
Who is my audience?
How do they think?
How can I reach them using technology?
How can I translate my information to a technological language and medium?
How can I interact using the technology available?
The challenges of communicating using technology get more complicated as more becomes available.

Using training, education and experience in the Hi-Tech h arena as well as training, education and experience in the Hi-Touch areas of human development, education, mental health, psychology, educational programming and more EtherThink Inc. will assist you to combine, coordinate, translate and create ways of communicating using the latest technologies to reach your very human audience.

Is there information you'd like to transmit and for others to receive technologically? Information, entertainment, personal communication, educational or medical information, no matter what the information is there's a human at the end of the line. Who that human audience is, how they think, how they absorb and retain information, what are the best ways to reach them, what technologies are they using or will be in the future? EtherThink Inc. has been providing the service for educational, government, entertainment and media corporations for over a decade.

EtherThink Inc. is for you if you are a corporation, institution, educational institution, entertainment conglomerate, medical institution or private practitioner, art institution, parent, teacher, counselor, artist, writer or anyone who deals with those strangest of species...Humans.


We've been doing "Tech-Translation" projects for over a decade since the very dawn of the Internet (in caps) and we were trained by some of the creators and inventors of the medium itself. We were knee deep in it when no one even knew what it was. It was an odd time, imagine back in the early-mid '90s telling people they'd be shopping, communicating, entertaining themselves and more on their PCs and other even more portable devices. Yah. You get the picture - people were polite in that "there, there" kind of way.

We've consulted and developed people-friendly government, education, corporate, entertainment and media enterprises. We've "translated" some of the most difficult concepts to easy to understand information for individuals, professions and companies of all kinds. It's a part of the work we do. EtherThink Inc. is a way of articulating it, organizing it and making it an additional possibility for any of your technological needs.

EtherThink Inc. also works with individuals and media to develop content for children and young adults and to assist parents and others working with children to understand and bridge the digital divide with them. For more information on that area read yesterday's DailyLifeCoaching4Kids post.

Keep an electronic eye out for more information about EtherThink Inc.
For more information about EtherThink please contact me at rebecca at dailylifeconsulting dot com or Jill Evans at gtkgroup dot com

Rebecca Kiki Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA (member APA)

Introducing ME FIRST COACHING (c)

It's here! It's here! Finally after years of research, projects, workshops, seminars, lectures, one-to-one coaching, group coaching, surveys and client input...
ME FIRST Coaching(c).

What is it?
ME FIRST COACHING(c) is a coaching system that enables you to assess your goals and attain them using the methods that work best for you.

What does ME FIRST COACHING (c)mean?
ME FIRST COACHING(c) is a coaching system that allows you to explore, identify and manage your options, set goals, strategize methods to achieve your goals. It also provides coaching and support to help you maintain and become comfortable with your new life.

What does ME FIRST (c) stand for?
It's an anacronym for Meaning, Expectations, Fun, Intellect, Reality, Satisfaction and Temperament.

Why ME FIRST(c)? You know when you're taking a flight and they give the demonstrations about what you need to do when putting on oxygen masks? They always say that people travelling with children should put on their own oxygen masks before putting it on the children. Why? Because if you run out of oxygen and pass out (or worse) you're certainly not going to be of any use to yourself the person/people you're travelling with.

It's the same thing in life down here. If you aren't taking care of yourself and you're "choking" on the things you're doing and not getting enough oxygen/strength/stamina/energy into your system, you won't be there for yourself or the people who need you.

Taking care of yourself and knowing what that means to you professionally, educationally and personally is a very generous thing to do for yourself and those you live and work with. Who can use ME FIRST COACHING(c)?
Anyone who wants to make a positive change in their lives.

How does ME FIRST COACHING(c)work?
ME FIRST COACHING(c) can be done through personal coaching, online coaching, group coaching or independent coaching. (The ME FIRST COACHING(c)workbook will be available soon.)

Where can I get information about ME FIRST COACHING(c)?
For more information contact me at rebecca at dailylifeconsulting dot com or Jill Evans (for corporate coaching and lectures) at jill at gtkgroup dot com


Learn how to enjoy the day your way,
RK

"But I'm Tooooooo OOOOOld" - Age is Subjective - Remembering Raime

I work with people of all ages. I mean all ages. DailyLifeCoaching4Kids is geared toward children Pre-K - 3rd grade and their parents. Daily Life Consulting clients range in age from College age through pre and post-retirement age. My professor/mentor Dr. Sackler who is an unbelievable role model is a psychoanalyst who continues to work at 90 at a profession she began studying and training for in her mid 50s, after a very successful first career as a Biogeneticist. So when clients say things like "I'm too old to start over" or "I would feel so old going back to school again" or "I'm too old to be thinking of that career, it's a dream I gave up long ago" I say "THINK AGAIN!". I truly believe you're never "too old" to start living the life you want to live.

Age is relative, it's subjective in that no one knows how long they've got. So every day is precious. The insurance charts may say that x is young and z is old but it all depends on a person's life span. Some people die young and some people live a long time.

I always think of that concept on March 6th when I think of a conversation about age that I had with Raime who was 20 at the time. The year is 1996, I'm in Silicon Alley and it's the pioneer days of the internet. We're at the beginning of something so exciting and unbelievable. It's clear to all of us how the world and our lives are about to change but most people look at us like we just landed from Mars. I'm freaking out about my birthday which is coming up in a couple of months. I'm saying the same kinds of things clients say to me now. "Why didn't I do this when I was in college?" "What am I thinking leaving something I've been doing for a couple of years to start something new?" "What am I thinking?" and all the other things you think about when you're shifting from your original plan.

I didn't necessarily think I was too old to be beginning, it was more of a societal female age-ist thing. Raime didn't really get why I was having those thoughts, chronologically it really didn't make any sense for me to be freaking out that way.
Looking back, it certainly didn't make any sense. Looking back and thinking about Raime it certainly didn't make any sense.

Raime was diagnosed with an advanced stage of cancer 2 months later and died a few months after that. She was 21 years old when she died. So at the time I had the conversation with her she was very, very old if you think of age as connected to mortality. Chronologically she was very very young. I think of her often and especially on March 6th. She was a sweet, good girl who died way too young. She was too young and too precious to be old at 21. Raime, you are missed.

So next time you have one of those "but I'm too old" thoughts I suggest that you "SNAP OUT OF IT" to quote one of my favorite movies Moonstruck.

As hokey as it sounds today really is the first day of the rest of your life. It can be the beginning of something new and letting go of the old stuff that just isn't working for the life you want to be leading.

Enjoy the day your way,
RK

Use Your Vote If You Can Vote Today! Vermont’s Outsized Influence

Ok - so I inform and instruct at times - what can I tell you? I'm a teacher by nature and training. On that note, those of you who are parents, teachers, counselors, coaches, or anyone else who lives or works with children and have asked about Daily Life Coaching 4 Kids - you might find today's post interesting. Check it out at DailyLifeCoaching4Kids.

Also - I must be honest and admit that I put "Vermont’s Outsized Influence" from the WSJ there because I'm from Vermont originally and loved the article title. What can I say? It's been that kind of day today.