Thanks for your emails yesterday, I've read and responded to many of them. If I haven't gotten to yours yet please be patient and you should get a response today or tomorrow.
Lots of F train riders answered the call (re: yesterday's post) and thanks R.G. for the suggestion to have a coaching workshop on the Manhattan bound F train in the mornings. Hmmmm - the concept is interesting but I'm not sure it would work - how would we do that? Second car reserved for meet 'n greet and the third car for coaching workshop? Also, all that getting on and off the train might be distracting. Hey - maybe we can get the conducter involved and he could call out some directions and questions - but I digress.
Lots of questions about dealing with stress relating to the economic situation in the country in general, questions from people in finance who are concerned about layoffs in the sector, questions from boomers who were planning on retiring within the next 5 or 10 but may have to put that off, questions from creatives who are thinking starving artist and freelance might not be the way to go, questions from people who wanted to transition into different careers or areas but aren't sure this is the time to do it.
I also got requests for coaching materials.
Ok - some quick thoughts.
Keep your focus on your goals and direction.
If you're having trouble finding personal focus, do that now before you make a move.
If you can't make a change right now you can still figure out what you'd like your future to look like so you're ready to make the changes when the opportunity arises.
Don't panic.
I know you've heard it before but think of challenges as opportunities.
Write up a short list of what benefits you might be gaining by being exactly where you are right now. What's good about it? What's positive about it? What are you learning from it?
As for Coaching materials, I do provide proprietary coaching materials to my clients as part of their coaching process. They are exercises and workbooks that I've developed over my years of coaching (and include my teaching, program development and psychological, counseling and guidance training). The result is a full coaching system called ME FIRST Coaching (c) which will be available for sale later in the Spring.
But-
But-
But-
Since so many of you have been requesting some kick-start coaching materials what I'll do is put together a short version with some of the beginning exercises which will get you started. I'll work on a short version with different targeted topics and make those available soon.
Meanwhile - to those of you from around the country who sent in emails and questions - thanks! And to you Brooklynites - see you on the F train!
Enjoy the day your way,
RK
Rebecca Kiki Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA (APA)
Daily Life Consulting
Showing posts with label Stress. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Stress. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Decision Making - Keeping Your Cool - Re:Speed Secrets of a Racing Prodigy
I love speed racing (to watch, not participate in, although it was a childhood wish of mine to be a race car driver...ah yes...while most little girls were wishing for ballerina slippers I was wishing for race car helmets but that's all for another day...) where was I? Oh yes, that's one of the things that drew me to the article in the WSJ "Speed Secrets of a Racing Prodigy" about Lewis Hamilton. The article describes his racing with F1 which is Europe's Nascar but with some grueling differences.
What I found fascinating was the description of Hamilton's special skill and nerves of steel to "pass by braking - waiting longer than the other driver to hit the brake before entering a turn". The article by Darren Everson continues on to describe how he learned this special skill through preparation for it by working with Kerry Spackman, a neuroscientist employed by Hamilton's team. "Dr. Spackman tries to help drivers improve decision-making by getting them to feel a greater sense of calm." Fantastic!!! I'll say that again because the concept works in most areas of life.
"Dr. Spackman tries to help drivers improve decision-making by getting them to feel a greater sense of calm."
That's one of the goals of our coaching and one of the skills I work with clients on.
Hysteria, anxiety, stress levels, internal and interpersonal conflicts all impede our ability to make the best possible decisions at any given time.
Yes, there are people who make decisions best when under pressure but even under those circumstances they need (or have already) developed a way of maintaining internal calm that allows them to make the best decisions.
There are many ways and techniques of developing a greater sense of calmness when making decisions. Different people respond in different ways, but the goal remains the same. To stay as calm as possible in order to make the best decision possible.
Quick Tip: I worked with one client who just froze when he had to make on-the-spot decisions which was a BIG problem since his work involved many on-the-spot decisions which were crucial to his work. We worked together using a number of techniques but the one that he enjoyed the most and that worked for him was the old egg-timer technique.
I used one of those old-fangled egg-timers and set it in minute and then second increments. He was given a "problem" and had to come up with the answer/solution in the alloted time. At first even the simplest problems were impossible since it was the pressure that caused him to freeze. Eventually the time constraint wasn't a problem an he enjoyed beating the clock to come up with more and more complicated solutions.
Whatever works!
Enjoy the day your way,
RK
Rebecca Kiki Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA (APA)
Daily Life Consulting
What I found fascinating was the description of Hamilton's special skill and nerves of steel to "pass by braking - waiting longer than the other driver to hit the brake before entering a turn". The article by Darren Everson continues on to describe how he learned this special skill through preparation for it by working with Kerry Spackman, a neuroscientist employed by Hamilton's team. "Dr. Spackman tries to help drivers improve decision-making by getting them to feel a greater sense of calm." Fantastic!!! I'll say that again because the concept works in most areas of life.
"Dr. Spackman tries to help drivers improve decision-making by getting them to feel a greater sense of calm."
That's one of the goals of our coaching and one of the skills I work with clients on.
Hysteria, anxiety, stress levels, internal and interpersonal conflicts all impede our ability to make the best possible decisions at any given time.
Yes, there are people who make decisions best when under pressure but even under those circumstances they need (or have already) developed a way of maintaining internal calm that allows them to make the best decisions.
There are many ways and techniques of developing a greater sense of calmness when making decisions. Different people respond in different ways, but the goal remains the same. To stay as calm as possible in order to make the best decision possible.
Quick Tip: I worked with one client who just froze when he had to make on-the-spot decisions which was a BIG problem since his work involved many on-the-spot decisions which were crucial to his work. We worked together using a number of techniques but the one that he enjoyed the most and that worked for him was the old egg-timer technique.
I used one of those old-fangled egg-timers and set it in minute and then second increments. He was given a "problem" and had to come up with the answer/solution in the alloted time. At first even the simplest problems were impossible since it was the pressure that caused him to freeze. Eventually the time constraint wasn't a problem an he enjoyed beating the clock to come up with more and more complicated solutions.
Whatever works!
Enjoy the day your way,
RK
Rebecca Kiki Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA (APA)
Daily Life Consulting
Monday, December 10, 2007
December Doldrums, Decisions and Dilemmas
Ok - I got emails asking if the New Year's Resolutions exercise below should be completed in one day or one weekend. Aaaaack! No - just thinking about doing it that way makes me feel overwhelmed. Slow and steady. Take it slow and steady. Making changes is a marathon not a sprint. Slooooooow and steady. At your own pace. (More on that later in this post.)
I also got some questions about how I developed the 5Ws approach and as I've said often, so much of what I learned about coaching I learned by teaching first grade. Break down the big picture and goals into small, easier to achieve pieces. Take it slow. Work at your own pace. Forgive yourself mistakes. If it doesn't work the first time, try it again. Practice. Practice. Practice. Celebrate your achievements and successes. It's so simple it actually works.
This time of year can be very tough. Lots to do. Lots of holiday cheer, which is great if you're feeling 100% cheerful but I've got to tell you that just about everyone I've been working with and coaching hasn't been feeling 100% cheerful. Mmmmmmm, let's say they haven't been feeling even 95% cheerful. All milestones, holidays and any other big
events bring with them mixed feelings. Tension as well as excitement. Happiness as
well as sadness and poignancy. Exuberance as well as apprehension. Many people get blindsided when they think it will be all good and they won't feel anything negative.
The best thing to do is acknowledge everything that's going on which will assist you in dealing with it all and getting through it well. If the holiday shopping scene makes you want to scream, if planning for the holidays makes you break out in a cold sweat, if there are people who you miss more around this time of year, if there are goals or milestones you would have liked to have achieved by now but haven't, if you're feeling burned out, stressed out, shaken down or just plain exhausted - take a breath and acknowledge it. It's the first step to making adjustments and feeling better.
We've been doing a lot of that here and as you can imagine, it's not always easy but it's always worthwhile and feels just terrific when achieved. People feel a sense of empowerment as opposed to feeling overwhelmed. In control as opposed to out of control.
A few quick tips.
* Leave yourself plenty of extra time to accomplish things.
Don't pencil in 60 minutes to do something that takes an hour for you to do. Figure an extra 15-20 minutes to account for human error, technological snafus, traffic or transportation snags, the sniffles or a bad mood.
* Don't expect perfection.
Things will go wrong - it's just the way it is. Do the best you can and give yourself credit for doing the best you can.
* Rethink your holiday celebrations and expectations.
Are you doing the same things you always do because you always do them? Sometimes that seems like the simple way to go about doing things but it might be time for a change. If you've changed then the same routines might not work for the new you. Make adjustments.
* Treat yourself well.
When you feel you're about to hit overload - stop what you're doing and take a breather. Pay attention to what happened and plan ahead so it doesn't happen again. Were you too tired? Did you take on too much responsibility? Were you spending too much time with people who set you off? Make adjustments.
* New Year's Resolutions - take it slow and steady.
Start by answering the first question in the 5Ws below Who, What, Where, When, Why. Who are you today and who would you like to be a year from now?
Think about health, intellectual endeavors, physical abilities, career goals, personal goals, relationship goals. Slowly. Don't do it all at once.
Do the best you can, the best way you can, this year. Forgive yourself for the things you wish you could do differently or better or more or.....and as always - enjoy the moments you can this year because quite simply, this year won't pass this way again....
Be good to yourself - email or post any questions or comments. I love hearing from you!
RK
I also got some questions about how I developed the 5Ws approach and as I've said often, so much of what I learned about coaching I learned by teaching first grade. Break down the big picture and goals into small, easier to achieve pieces. Take it slow. Work at your own pace. Forgive yourself mistakes. If it doesn't work the first time, try it again. Practice. Practice. Practice. Celebrate your achievements and successes. It's so simple it actually works.
This time of year can be very tough. Lots to do. Lots of holiday cheer, which is great if you're feeling 100% cheerful but I've got to tell you that just about everyone I've been working with and coaching hasn't been feeling 100% cheerful. Mmmmmmm, let's say they haven't been feeling even 95% cheerful. All milestones, holidays and any other big
events bring with them mixed feelings. Tension as well as excitement. Happiness as
well as sadness and poignancy. Exuberance as well as apprehension. Many people get blindsided when they think it will be all good and they won't feel anything negative.
The best thing to do is acknowledge everything that's going on which will assist you in dealing with it all and getting through it well. If the holiday shopping scene makes you want to scream, if planning for the holidays makes you break out in a cold sweat, if there are people who you miss more around this time of year, if there are goals or milestones you would have liked to have achieved by now but haven't, if you're feeling burned out, stressed out, shaken down or just plain exhausted - take a breath and acknowledge it. It's the first step to making adjustments and feeling better.
We've been doing a lot of that here and as you can imagine, it's not always easy but it's always worthwhile and feels just terrific when achieved. People feel a sense of empowerment as opposed to feeling overwhelmed. In control as opposed to out of control.
A few quick tips.
* Leave yourself plenty of extra time to accomplish things.
Don't pencil in 60 minutes to do something that takes an hour for you to do. Figure an extra 15-20 minutes to account for human error, technological snafus, traffic or transportation snags, the sniffles or a bad mood.
* Don't expect perfection.
Things will go wrong - it's just the way it is. Do the best you can and give yourself credit for doing the best you can.
* Rethink your holiday celebrations and expectations.
Are you doing the same things you always do because you always do them? Sometimes that seems like the simple way to go about doing things but it might be time for a change. If you've changed then the same routines might not work for the new you. Make adjustments.
* Treat yourself well.
When you feel you're about to hit overload - stop what you're doing and take a breather. Pay attention to what happened and plan ahead so it doesn't happen again. Were you too tired? Did you take on too much responsibility? Were you spending too much time with people who set you off? Make adjustments.
* New Year's Resolutions - take it slow and steady.
Start by answering the first question in the 5Ws below Who, What, Where, When, Why. Who are you today and who would you like to be a year from now?
Think about health, intellectual endeavors, physical abilities, career goals, personal goals, relationship goals. Slowly. Don't do it all at once.
Do the best you can, the best way you can, this year. Forgive yourself for the things you wish you could do differently or better or more or.....and as always - enjoy the moments you can this year because quite simply, this year won't pass this way again....
Be good to yourself - email or post any questions or comments. I love hearing from you!
RK
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