Hi - I get requests every January to repost this article I wrote about keeping New Year's Resolutions. Here it is! Enjoy!
New Year's Resolutions - Easy as ABC
New Year's Resolutions. They seem so easy to decide on and so difficult to carry out and achieve. Can they be as easy as ABC? Or 123? I think they can. Having begun my career teaching ABCs and 123s I know that the most effective way to learn something new is often the simplest way. With that in mind I created a system for my clients to help them set and achieve New Year's Resolutions that's as easy as - ABC and 123. I call it the 5Ws.
Think back to when you were learning how to read and add for the first time. You take for granted now the ease with which you read and comprehend but back then? Every new letter was difficult if not complicated. New sounds made by new vowels got the whole thing mixed up in your head. Oy. Or would that be oi? And what's all this about a 1 and a 5 being 15, isn't it 6?
Life seems to get more complicated as we get older and wiser. Once you get used to doing things a certain way it can feel unbearable to change. Making the changes in the simplest way possible is often the best ways to shift, change and move forward.
How about going back to the basics, and the strategies that worked when you were learning the basics? Step by step. Patience. Persistence. Pride in a job well done. Retracing your steps to find out what went wrong when you slip up. Breaking down complicated jobs into easy manageable tasks. Doing your homework. Rehearsing for the performance and often taking one step backward for every two steps forward.
The 5W System - As easy as ABC and 1,2,3
Supplies:
Journal supplies - a notebook and pen/pencil or computer.
New Year's Resolutions supplies - Your wishes, goals, hopes and dreams.
Strategy supplies - Your strengths and limitations.
As you answer the 5W questions below, jot them down in a journal you’ll be starting especially for this. Keeping a journal can often help in answering the 5Ws and helping you keep your resolutions.
The journal will give you a starting point aside from January 1st to refer to. A week or a month from now you can see how much progress you've made and decide if you’re happy with your progress, or lack thereof. You can continue from there. You can modify your tactics and start differently. Or you can start again using different techniques that fit your lifestyle better.
The 5Ws? Simple. Who, What, Where, When and Why.
* Who are you today and who would you like to be a year from now?
* Why do you want to make the change? Emphasis on YOU*.
* What changes in behavior and shifts in attitude will you need in order to make the changes and achieve your goal?
* Where can you get support to help you make the change? People, books, websites, journals etc.
* When is the best time of day/week/year for you to make the change? To evaluate the change? To take action toward achieving the change?
*A couple of tips to help you answer the “Why” for YOU.
OK, you've decided you want to make a change. Think about the change you've decided you want to make. You. Yes. Not anyone else who wants a change from you. You. OK. Are we there yet? One more minute. Think about it. It's OK - you can say, "I want to _______". If you need to whisper it that's OK, I can listen very carefully. If you need to write it down and burn it before anyone sees it, that's also OK. If you want to send yourself an email describing it, try that. Whatever works.
Now that you've decided what it is that you'd like to do/be/achieve, what mountain you'd like to climb, what number you'd like to see on the scale or in your bank account, which salutation you'd like to see before or after your name, what new places you'd like to explore or books you'd like to read....there's another step to take before we start planning the How.
Why do you want _________________________?
Find a place and time where you can sit quietly and think and have a real conversation with yourself or with your coach. Explore the reasons. Sure there are the first few surface/off the cuff that come to mind easily. Dig deeper. Keep asking yourself why until you've gotten to the real reason you want to achieve "whatever".
If we were working together I'd keep asking you why, why, why until we got to the real results you were after. So? What's the real reason? What do you really hope will be the result of your resolution?
Once you've figured out the "Why" it's easier to schedule and sort out the rest. You'll know the end result you're trying to achieve. By answering the Who, What, Where and When you'll be able to schedule the small tasks needed to make the change into your schedule.
Why? Why not? Why shouldn't you have the best year you've ever had before? Can you think of one good reason? I didn't think so. So go for it! Out with the old and in with the new.
Happy New Year!
Kiki
*********************
http://www.dlcecc.com
http://twitter.com/coachkiki
Short Term Coaching
Long Term Solutions
Showing posts with label New Year's Resolutions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label New Year's Resolutions. Show all posts
Monday, January 5, 2009
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
The New Year’s Cocktail: Regret With a Dash of Bitters - NY Times
Happy 2008 everyone! No, I'm not sure what I'm doing in front of the computer this morning...but this article is the perfect antidote to New Year's Day. The New Year’s Cocktail: Regret With a Dash of Bitters By BENEDICT CAREY
Love it. Some interesting insights about how to look at one's life and choices. Enjoy and we'll talk more tomorrow when it's not so, so, so New Year's Day-ish.
RK
Love it. Some interesting insights about how to look at one's life and choices. Enjoy and we'll talk more tomorrow when it's not so, so, so New Year's Day-ish.
RK
Monday, December 10, 2007
December Doldrums, Decisions and Dilemmas
Ok - I got emails asking if the New Year's Resolutions exercise below should be completed in one day or one weekend. Aaaaack! No - just thinking about doing it that way makes me feel overwhelmed. Slow and steady. Take it slow and steady. Making changes is a marathon not a sprint. Slooooooow and steady. At your own pace. (More on that later in this post.)
I also got some questions about how I developed the 5Ws approach and as I've said often, so much of what I learned about coaching I learned by teaching first grade. Break down the big picture and goals into small, easier to achieve pieces. Take it slow. Work at your own pace. Forgive yourself mistakes. If it doesn't work the first time, try it again. Practice. Practice. Practice. Celebrate your achievements and successes. It's so simple it actually works.
This time of year can be very tough. Lots to do. Lots of holiday cheer, which is great if you're feeling 100% cheerful but I've got to tell you that just about everyone I've been working with and coaching hasn't been feeling 100% cheerful. Mmmmmmm, let's say they haven't been feeling even 95% cheerful. All milestones, holidays and any other big
events bring with them mixed feelings. Tension as well as excitement. Happiness as
well as sadness and poignancy. Exuberance as well as apprehension. Many people get blindsided when they think it will be all good and they won't feel anything negative.
The best thing to do is acknowledge everything that's going on which will assist you in dealing with it all and getting through it well. If the holiday shopping scene makes you want to scream, if planning for the holidays makes you break out in a cold sweat, if there are people who you miss more around this time of year, if there are goals or milestones you would have liked to have achieved by now but haven't, if you're feeling burned out, stressed out, shaken down or just plain exhausted - take a breath and acknowledge it. It's the first step to making adjustments and feeling better.
We've been doing a lot of that here and as you can imagine, it's not always easy but it's always worthwhile and feels just terrific when achieved. People feel a sense of empowerment as opposed to feeling overwhelmed. In control as opposed to out of control.
A few quick tips.
* Leave yourself plenty of extra time to accomplish things.
Don't pencil in 60 minutes to do something that takes an hour for you to do. Figure an extra 15-20 minutes to account for human error, technological snafus, traffic or transportation snags, the sniffles or a bad mood.
* Don't expect perfection.
Things will go wrong - it's just the way it is. Do the best you can and give yourself credit for doing the best you can.
* Rethink your holiday celebrations and expectations.
Are you doing the same things you always do because you always do them? Sometimes that seems like the simple way to go about doing things but it might be time for a change. If you've changed then the same routines might not work for the new you. Make adjustments.
* Treat yourself well.
When you feel you're about to hit overload - stop what you're doing and take a breather. Pay attention to what happened and plan ahead so it doesn't happen again. Were you too tired? Did you take on too much responsibility? Were you spending too much time with people who set you off? Make adjustments.
* New Year's Resolutions - take it slow and steady.
Start by answering the first question in the 5Ws below Who, What, Where, When, Why. Who are you today and who would you like to be a year from now?
Think about health, intellectual endeavors, physical abilities, career goals, personal goals, relationship goals. Slowly. Don't do it all at once.
Do the best you can, the best way you can, this year. Forgive yourself for the things you wish you could do differently or better or more or.....and as always - enjoy the moments you can this year because quite simply, this year won't pass this way again....
Be good to yourself - email or post any questions or comments. I love hearing from you!
RK
I also got some questions about how I developed the 5Ws approach and as I've said often, so much of what I learned about coaching I learned by teaching first grade. Break down the big picture and goals into small, easier to achieve pieces. Take it slow. Work at your own pace. Forgive yourself mistakes. If it doesn't work the first time, try it again. Practice. Practice. Practice. Celebrate your achievements and successes. It's so simple it actually works.
This time of year can be very tough. Lots to do. Lots of holiday cheer, which is great if you're feeling 100% cheerful but I've got to tell you that just about everyone I've been working with and coaching hasn't been feeling 100% cheerful. Mmmmmmm, let's say they haven't been feeling even 95% cheerful. All milestones, holidays and any other big
events bring with them mixed feelings. Tension as well as excitement. Happiness as
well as sadness and poignancy. Exuberance as well as apprehension. Many people get blindsided when they think it will be all good and they won't feel anything negative.
The best thing to do is acknowledge everything that's going on which will assist you in dealing with it all and getting through it well. If the holiday shopping scene makes you want to scream, if planning for the holidays makes you break out in a cold sweat, if there are people who you miss more around this time of year, if there are goals or milestones you would have liked to have achieved by now but haven't, if you're feeling burned out, stressed out, shaken down or just plain exhausted - take a breath and acknowledge it. It's the first step to making adjustments and feeling better.
We've been doing a lot of that here and as you can imagine, it's not always easy but it's always worthwhile and feels just terrific when achieved. People feel a sense of empowerment as opposed to feeling overwhelmed. In control as opposed to out of control.
A few quick tips.
* Leave yourself plenty of extra time to accomplish things.
Don't pencil in 60 minutes to do something that takes an hour for you to do. Figure an extra 15-20 minutes to account for human error, technological snafus, traffic or transportation snags, the sniffles or a bad mood.
* Don't expect perfection.
Things will go wrong - it's just the way it is. Do the best you can and give yourself credit for doing the best you can.
* Rethink your holiday celebrations and expectations.
Are you doing the same things you always do because you always do them? Sometimes that seems like the simple way to go about doing things but it might be time for a change. If you've changed then the same routines might not work for the new you. Make adjustments.
* Treat yourself well.
When you feel you're about to hit overload - stop what you're doing and take a breather. Pay attention to what happened and plan ahead so it doesn't happen again. Were you too tired? Did you take on too much responsibility? Were you spending too much time with people who set you off? Make adjustments.
* New Year's Resolutions - take it slow and steady.
Start by answering the first question in the 5Ws below Who, What, Where, When, Why. Who are you today and who would you like to be a year from now?
Think about health, intellectual endeavors, physical abilities, career goals, personal goals, relationship goals. Slowly. Don't do it all at once.
Do the best you can, the best way you can, this year. Forgive yourself for the things you wish you could do differently or better or more or.....and as always - enjoy the moments you can this year because quite simply, this year won't pass this way again....
Be good to yourself - email or post any questions or comments. I love hearing from you!
RK
Thursday, December 6, 2007
Any Time Of Year Resolutions
In the flurry of activity leading up to the holidays I've been particularly busy doing a lot of corporate seminars and one on one stress management coaching with people who are burnt out or who seem antsy to start their New Year's resolutions- before the New Year. I'll be updating with more tips and thoughts on changing behavior, but in the meantime will share some of my tips on resolutions (that previously appeared on About.com)
Difficulty: Easy
Time Required: Up to You!
Here's How:
1. Use the 5W System
As you answer the 5W questions below, jot them down in a journal you’ll be starting especially for this. Keeping a journal can often help in answering the 5Ws and helping you keep your resolutions. The journal will give you a starting point aside from January 1st to refer to. A week or a month from now you can see how much progress you've made and decide if you’re happy with your progress, or lack thereof. You can continue from there. You can modify your tactics and start differently. Or you can start again using different techniques that fit your lifestyle better.
2. The 5Ws? Simple. Who, What, Where, When and Why.
Who are you today and who would you like to be a year from now?
Why do you want to make the change? Emphasis on YOU.
What changes in behavior and shifts in attitude will you need in order to make the changes and achieve your goal?
Where can you get support to help you make the change? People, books, Web sites, journals etc.
When is the best time of day/week/year for you to make the change? To evaluate the change? To take action toward achieving the change?
3. A couple of tips to help you answer the "Why" for YOU.
You've decided you want to make a change. Think about the change you've decided you want to make. You. Yes, you. Not anyone else who wants a change from you. Just you. Think about it. It's okay, you can say, "I want to _______". If you need to write it down and burn it before anyone sees it, that's also okay. If you want to send yourself an e-mail describing it, try that. Whatever works. Now that you've decided what it is that you'd like to do/be/achieve, there's another step to take before planning the "How."
4. Why do you want _________________________?
Find a place and time where you can sit quietly and think and have a real conversation with yourself or with your coach. Explore the reasons. Sure there are the first few surface/off the cuff that come to mind easily. Dig deeper. Keep asking yourself why until you've gotten to the real reason you want to achieve your goal.
5. Once you've figured out the "Why" it's easier to schedule and sort out the rest. You'll know the end result you're trying to achieve. By answering the Who, What, Where and When you'll be able to schedule the small tasks needed to make the change into your schedule. Why? Why not? Why shouldn't you have the best year you've ever had before? Can you think of one good reason? I didn't think so.
6. Go for it! Out with the old and in with the new. Happy New Year!
What You Need:
* Journal Suppplies : a notebook, pen/pencil or a computer
* New Year's Resolutions Supplies: Your wishes, goals, hopes and dreams
* Strategy Supplies: Your strengths and limitations
Difficulty: Easy
Time Required: Up to You!
Here's How:
1. Use the 5W System
As you answer the 5W questions below, jot them down in a journal you’ll be starting especially for this. Keeping a journal can often help in answering the 5Ws and helping you keep your resolutions. The journal will give you a starting point aside from January 1st to refer to. A week or a month from now you can see how much progress you've made and decide if you’re happy with your progress, or lack thereof. You can continue from there. You can modify your tactics and start differently. Or you can start again using different techniques that fit your lifestyle better.
2. The 5Ws? Simple. Who, What, Where, When and Why.
Who are you today and who would you like to be a year from now?
Why do you want to make the change? Emphasis on YOU.
What changes in behavior and shifts in attitude will you need in order to make the changes and achieve your goal?
Where can you get support to help you make the change? People, books, Web sites, journals etc.
When is the best time of day/week/year for you to make the change? To evaluate the change? To take action toward achieving the change?
3. A couple of tips to help you answer the "Why" for YOU.
You've decided you want to make a change. Think about the change you've decided you want to make. You. Yes, you. Not anyone else who wants a change from you. Just you. Think about it. It's okay, you can say, "I want to _______". If you need to write it down and burn it before anyone sees it, that's also okay. If you want to send yourself an e-mail describing it, try that. Whatever works. Now that you've decided what it is that you'd like to do/be/achieve, there's another step to take before planning the "How."
4. Why do you want _________________________?
Find a place and time where you can sit quietly and think and have a real conversation with yourself or with your coach. Explore the reasons. Sure there are the first few surface/off the cuff that come to mind easily. Dig deeper. Keep asking yourself why until you've gotten to the real reason you want to achieve your goal.
5. Once you've figured out the "Why" it's easier to schedule and sort out the rest. You'll know the end result you're trying to achieve. By answering the Who, What, Where and When you'll be able to schedule the small tasks needed to make the change into your schedule. Why? Why not? Why shouldn't you have the best year you've ever had before? Can you think of one good reason? I didn't think so.
6. Go for it! Out with the old and in with the new. Happy New Year!
What You Need:
* Journal Suppplies : a notebook, pen/pencil or a computer
* New Year's Resolutions Supplies: Your wishes, goals, hopes and dreams
* Strategy Supplies: Your strengths and limitations
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Happy Thanksgiving!
I love Thanksgiving. I am a total, complete sucker for Thanksgiving which is why I tend to go on and on about it. I'll make it short and sweet here.
Count your blessings and believe me you have many, no matter how it feels sometimes. When working with clients one of the first things we do when talking about making changes is to figure out what is working, what is right, what is wonderful, what is better than one could have ever imagined.
Engage in random acts of kindness. It really does make you feel good while at the same time doing something nice, generous or caring for someone else.
Show and tell your gratitude to the people in your life who have made your year a better one.
Thank yourself. Make a big old list of the good things you've done for yourself. Count your achievements large and small, memorable moments, leaps into the unknown, new adventures, new experiences, new feelings, new ways of communicating, new plans, new goals, anything you've done for yourself that has improved your life in some way.
Now, don't you feel better about things? It's a great mind set to be in before you start working on those New Year's Resolutions. We'll be talking about those next month so for now enjoy and indulge.
Thanks to all of you who made my year so wonderful.
Happy Thanksgiving,
RK
Count your blessings and believe me you have many, no matter how it feels sometimes. When working with clients one of the first things we do when talking about making changes is to figure out what is working, what is right, what is wonderful, what is better than one could have ever imagined.
Engage in random acts of kindness. It really does make you feel good while at the same time doing something nice, generous or caring for someone else.
Show and tell your gratitude to the people in your life who have made your year a better one.
Thank yourself. Make a big old list of the good things you've done for yourself. Count your achievements large and small, memorable moments, leaps into the unknown, new adventures, new experiences, new feelings, new ways of communicating, new plans, new goals, anything you've done for yourself that has improved your life in some way.
Now, don't you feel better about things? It's a great mind set to be in before you start working on those New Year's Resolutions. We'll be talking about those next month so for now enjoy and indulge.
Thanks to all of you who made my year so wonderful.
Happy Thanksgiving,
RK
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Making the Right Change The Right Way (for you) Transition Coaching and Counseling
I work with some great people and learn so much from my clients. The experience of assisting someone in making a transition is extremely gratifying to me. Maybe it's because I've gone through it myself and know how tough it can sometimes feel and how great it is to finally get to the other side.
Somehow the specter of New Year's starts way before January rolls around. Most people would like to just START right then and zip right into whatever new mode they want to be in. Theoretically a great idea but most changes have a transition period. When you do it right, the transition period can be a time of great growth and positive change.
Transitions run the gamut of work transitions from one career to another, from one stage of life to another, from high school to college, from college to first job, from job to job, from working to retirement, from working to working retirement, from working to finding-myself-retirement.
Change is inevitable. Make the right change the right way.
Daily Life Consulting
Somehow the specter of New Year's starts way before January rolls around. Most people would like to just START right then and zip right into whatever new mode they want to be in. Theoretically a great idea but most changes have a transition period. When you do it right, the transition period can be a time of great growth and positive change.
Transitions run the gamut of work transitions from one career to another, from one stage of life to another, from high school to college, from college to first job, from job to job, from working to retirement, from working to working retirement, from working to finding-myself-retirement.
Change is inevitable. Make the right change the right way.
Daily Life Consulting
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