I Find the Confusion Confusing

Two issues that have been on my mind lately and manifest themselves in odd ways in people's lives, work lives and family lives.

Women, Men and Work. Two interesting articles address the topic. The Wall Street Journal article Top Executives Value Advice From a Spouse; Some Won't Ask for It by Carol Hymowitz discusses different partnership styles among executive couples. The New York Times Op-Ed When Women Rule by Nicholas D. Kristof discusses women leaders and the difficulties they face.

What's the big deal? Why is the issue of women in the workplace, in positions of power, decision makers and leaders such an issue? Why the talk? Debate? The best person for the job should do the job, regardless of gender, race or religion.

I was lucky enough to be raised in a family that was gender-blind when it came to accomplishments and abilities. I didn't even realize I might be subject to "ist" discrimination until grad school when a professor gave us an eye-opening assignment. It never dawned on me that being female might be cause for discrimination in the workplace. Needless to say I've gotten quite an education on that topic...

When I work with clients who have daughters they talk about how they want them to succeed, to be all they can be, to achieve and do great things. Why doesn't this show up in more actions regarding the world and the world of work?

The other issue that has come up often during the last few weeks is Heath Ledger, Depression with a capital "D" and depression with a small "d" as described in a terrific article in Scientific American Mind The Medicated Americans. Celebrities have been coming out of the woodwork and going into rehab in the last few weeks. People have been talking about the kinds of prescription medications they're on and how they've become a bit anxious about overmedicating. People seem more comfortable talking about meds then about getting other kinds of help.

Then there's the very disturbing (yet not surprising to me) research about young children suffering from post 9/11 trauma and PTSD. I hate to be right sometimes and this is one of those times, but after 9/11 when I was working on a joint NYC/NYS citywide Youth Programs initiative this was a major area of concern for me. I asked, suggested, encouraged anyone and everyone to get these children help. I won't even begin to discuss the "they're just children" and denial of the extent of the problem responses that I got - that was when people even wanted to discuss it. Or the shortsightedness about how long the effects of trauma of that sort can last. Last week friends and colleagues were sending me the articles "hey- isn't this what you were talking about way back when??...I remember you saying...." I wish I would have been wrong about this one.

I don't usually discuss issues of this kind here but there are times I just can't let things pass. Silence can be seen as agreement as the old saying goes.

For some odd reason many people walk around thinking that a state of constant happiness and excitement is the norm and any deviation from those feeling states is abnormal. In adults and children. So people run around trying to be happy all the time and quite frankly many of them talk to me about how exhausting that can be. People talk about their original attitudes If you don't deal with something it goes away. People are people, kids are kids, they won't remember, what do they know? They'll get over it. Best case scenario, great. But - what if? Are you willing to take that chance for yourself and the people you care about?

When working with clients one of the areas we work on is becoming able to handle the not-so-much-fun-exciting-terrific times that are an inevitable part of daily life, and live in general. Again, clients with children find that educating their children to be prepared to deal with setbacks enables them to be the best people they can be.

So be brave about what's bugging you. What gives you pause. What keeps you up at night. About the future you want for yourself and those you care about. Next, do something about it in a healthy, productive and constructive way.

Enjoy the day your way,
RK