Kick Start Self Coaching

Please note new blog address

2010-10-17T16:34:00.001-07:00

I'll be updating soon! Please visit me at www.atypicalcoaching.com

Thanks!
Kiki

Touching Base - it's been a while blogging - but we're here.

2010-08-08T11:13:00.000-07:00

Hi All -

I know, I know - it's been ages. I know how you are - many of you. So you guys know what we've been up to. For the rest of you...

We're definitely here. Motivating, transitioning, career changing, career upgrading, career fixing, executive managing, seminars, workshops, individual coaching and corporate coaching and on and on with all our clients. It's been hectic but fun. Of course in true "shoemaker's children" fashion our own site is taking a back seat in order to focus on you and getting you out there, motivated and in the best way possible.

Until we're back here - we're still here. I mean here - call 646.355.8759, email 411 at dlcecc.com or tweet out on twitter @coachkiki and there we'll be, and then we'll answer and then we'll chat and then and then and then and then....

Looking forward to hearing from you -
Kiki
****************
RKW

NY Times - Career Couch When Stress Flirts With Burnout

2010-01-16T18:23:00.000-08:00

The blog/s will be moving to betterthinkagain.com soon but didn't want to let this one go by. Excellent article by Eilene Zimmerman in tomorrow's NY Times Career Couch column - and look for my comments as Rebecca Weingarten.

Career Couch
When Stress Flirts With Burnout

By EILENE ZIMMERMAN
Published: January 16, 2010

Q. You are a professional who is accustomed to stress, but all the uncertainty and anxiety in the workplace these days is putting you under more pressure than usual. You feel burned out — are you?

See you all soon on "Better Think Again" betterthinkagain.com soon (play on words intended)
Rebecca (Kiki)
http://www.dlcecc.com

Where are the (new) blogs?

2009-12-03T21:00:00.000-08:00

Hey all,

It's been great hearing from you on Twitter/Facebook/email/phone and, of course, in person. We're revamping the blogs so you'll be able to access them all from one spot.

So, if you're making a career or other kind of transition and dealing with some coaching4kids issues at the same time- well, you won't have to travel very far. I mean, nowadays, an extra click can feel 'so close yet so far'.

We'll also be adding one more - that's the one where I say what I really think about lots and lots of career, transition and education/learning issues. So many of you have been asking to hear it like it is - I have no choice but to tell it like it is.

We're hoping for an early 2010 launch. Until then, keep the Tweets/FB messages, emails, phone calls and personal meetings coming. We appreciate you and feel so lucky to have all of you in our lives.

Happy Holidays and remember to -
Enjoy the day your way,
Rebecca Kiki
You can always reach us at 646.355.8759, 411 at dlcecc dot com or @coachkiki on Twitter and Skype.

Coaching tips from Rebecca Kiki Weingarten to get you started.

2009-09-08T10:05:00.001-07:00

For those of you who have been asking for some beginning coaching information, here are a few articles where I've commented on some career,second career, retirement, adults heading back to school and other issues. A few that should get you started... enjoy!

BusinessWeek
Thinking of Retiring? Not So Fast
..longer careers as opportunities for richer and more fulfilled working lives.
By Rebecca Kiki Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA
DLCECC

University Business
Solutions for Higher Education Management
Retirement’s Other Side: Addressing the Emotional Consequences
By Carol Patton

WSJ DN - MarketWatch
Adults in Session
Tips for grown-ups heading back to school by Amy Hoak

Executive Health and Wealth
"Making Life Better"

ASTD American Society For Trainers and Developers
"Are You Ready For ACT II?" by Paula Ketter

For more information about our coaching, seminars, trainings or speaking engagements please email 411 at dlcecc dot com or call 646.355.8759

Enjoy the day,
RK
DLCECC

Starting a Second Career - SHIFT COACHING - New Short -Term Coaching

2009-09-08T09:47:00.001-07:00

Hi All,

Hope the summer was summer-ish! For many, the summer was a difficult one with the economic realities changing so many things. We've received many inquiries from people beginning new careers as well as those who are faced with the prospect of beginning a second career that they may or may not have planned on.

To focus on the specific needs of those who are STARTING SECOND CAREERS we've developed an exciting, short-term coaching module which we call SHIFT.

SHIFT COACHING FOR STARTING A SECOND CAREER will get you focused, ready, and armed with new strategies and ways of approaching your second/new career.

The SHIFT COACHING FOR SECOND CAREERS is designed as a 5 session coaching system which can be completed in one month, 2 weeks or 1 week.

For more information about the SHIFT COACHING FOR SECOND CAREERS please email 411 at dlcecc dot com (please put 2nd Career as the subject) or call us at 646.355.8759.

Wishing you good luck with today and a wonderful tomorrow,
Rebecca Kiki (@coachkiki on Twitter)

3rd National Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Awareness Day Coming Up Soon

2009-08-31T13:10:00.000-07:00

3rd National Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Awareness Day Coming Up Soon
Hi All,

September arrives and with it 9/11 and all our memories of that day, the people we lost, our beloved Twin Towers, the NYC skyline, the way our world, and our perceptions of the world, changed.

We mourn and remember on 9/11 but what about the day after? What about the people who survived? What about the first-responders and everyone who experienced the day that changed everything? What about the people who suffered Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) as a result of the trauma they experienced?

On 9/12 we commemorate those people, we raise awareness of PTSD and we encourage all around the nation to do the same.

The commemorations began in NY and in the years since has expanded to places all around the country. Seminars, information dissemination, support groups and workshops as well as education about PTSD is only part of what we do to raise awareness of PTSD.

This year, after meetings and many discussions we've decided to include PTSD awareness in many of the situational events and circumstances that can cause PTSD. We will continue to commemorate PTSD Awareness Day on 9/12 (September 12th) as well as continue the educational and awareness opportunities and events throughout the week of 9//12 - 9/19.

For more information please email us at 411@dlcecc.com.
Wishing everyone a healthy September,
DLCECC
Rebecca Kiki Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA
Cofounder DLCECC http://www.dlcecc.com
Cofounder National PTSD Awareness Day/Week

Hi Again!

2009-07-21T09:00:00.000-07:00

Hi All,

Yes, we've been here but not here-on-the-blog. Lots going on with all the changes everyone's been going through we've been coaching, consulting, counseling, doing training/seminars/webinars and developing some fantastic new programs and options for the coming year. We'll be consolidating all the blogs into one as well so it's easier to access if you'd like all your DLCECC info in one place.

We're still here for corporate coaching, seminars, workshops and development/training options as well as individual in-person or phone coaching and consulting.

You can also follow me on Twitter @coachkiki.

For those who are stopping by for the first time - our options include;

1. For Personal Coaching:
Short term and intensive coaching. Some good news at a time when it feels like we're being bombarded with only bad news.

*One 1 1/2 (one and a half) hour phone coaching session
*E-mail follow-up
*Resume review
*Strategy planning
Or -
* Two(2) to four(4) phone coaching sessions (depending on topic and need).
* An action plan to follow.
* Resume review.
* Coaching follow-up

Call 646.371.5048 for more information or email at 411 at dlcecc dot com.

It's great for you if you;
* Lost your job and are looking for a new one.
* Your company firm is laying off people and you're there doing double and triple duty.
* You're concerned that you might be laid off.
* You'd like to explore other career paths.
* You have to delay your retirement plans indefinitely and need a new plan.
* You need to develop a new income stream.
* You've been laid off and want to start over in a new field.
* You figure this is the perfect time to explore career options you deferred on.
* You're making a career transition or shift and need help making it successfully.
* You need help managing the stress of your work life along with financial stresses.
* You need to develop a new spending and doing-more-with-less plan for yourself and/or your family.

Short Term Coaching Long Term Solutions
services and issues covered include:
* Training, Seminars, Workshops, Individual and Group Coaching
* Boosting Morale
* Focusing and Multitasking
* Dealing with new and/or more responsibilities
* Motivation
* Transitions - within a company or after downsizing and restructuring
* New economic realities - managing anxiety, strategizing and planning ahead
* Coping with economic stress in healthful ways
* Rethinking Career Direction and Plan
* Rethinking Retirement Options
* Second Career or Mid-Career shifts
* Short term and long term planning

For those of you we know and love - keep up the great work! You will get through this and you'll get through this successfully! We'll make sure of that!

For those of you we've only "met" through email and phone queries - we look forward to working together soon. Any other questions feel free to call at 646.371.5048 or email 411 at dlcecc dot com

We're ready for you - are you ready for your new future? Whether you wanted it or not - make it the best one you can!
Enjoy the day ,
Rebecca "Kiki"
***************************
DLCECC http://www.dlcecc.com
Short Term Coaching
Long Term Solutions

Coaching Options - Career,Executive Coaching - Transition Coaching - What do I do next????

2009-02-16T08:27:00.000-08:00

Hi All,

It's been ages since I've had a chance to post here. We're working overtime assisting people make the changes they have to make. So in answer to emails I'll post here the new options we've added for personal coaching.
For corporations, small businesses, healthcare, and private practices we've added some trainings, seminars and workshops and we also have team members available to do on-site coaching. Please call 646.468.0608 or email 411 at dlcecc dot com for more information.

1. For Personal Coaching:
Short term and intensive coaching. Some good news at a time when it feels like we're being bombarded with only bad news.

*One 1 1/2 (one and a half) hour phone coaching session
*E-mail follow-up
*Resume review
*Strategy planning
Or -
* Two(2) to four(4) phone coaching sessions (depending on topic and need).
* An action plan to follow.
* Resume review.
* Coaching follow-up

Call 646.468.0608 for more information or email at 411 at dlcecc dot com.

It's great for you if you;
* Lost your job and are looking for a new one.
* Your company firm is laying off people and you're there doing double and triple duty.
* You're concerned that you might be laid off.
* You'd like to explore other career paths.
* You have to delay your retirement plans indefinitely and need a new plan.
* You need to develop a new income stream.
* You've been laid off and want to start over in a new field.
* You figure this is the perfect time to explore career options you deferred on.
* You're making a career transition or shift and need help making it successfully.
* You need help managing the stress of your work life along with financial stresses.
* You need to develop a new spending and doing-more-with-less plan for yourself and/or your family.

Short Term Coaching Long Term Solutions
services and issues covered include:
* Training, Seminars, Workshops, Individual and Group Coaching
* Boosting Morale
* Focusing and Multitasking
* Dealing with new and/or more responsibilities
* Motivation
* Transitions - within a company or after downsizing and restructuring
* New economic realities - managing anxiety, strategizing and planning ahead
* Coping with economic stress in healthful ways
* Rethinking Career Direction and Plan
* Rethinking Retirement Options
* Second Career or Mid-Career shifts
* Short term and long term planning

For those of you we know and love - keep up the great work! You will get through this and you'll get through this successfully! We'll make sure of that!

For those of you we've only "met" through email and phone queries - we look forward to working together soon. If you have any more questions please call 646.468.0608 or email 411 at dlcecc dot com

We're ready for you - are you ready for your new future? Whether you wanted it or not - make it the best one you can!
Enjoy the day ,
Rebecca "Kiki"
***************************
DLCECC http://www.dlcecc.com
Short Term Coaching
Long Term Solutions

New Year's Resolutions You Can Keep - Easy As ABC

2009-01-05T08:39:00.000-08:00

Hi - I get requests every January to repost this article I wrote about keeping New Year's Resolutions. Here it is! Enjoy!

New Year's Resolutions - Easy as ABC

New Year's Resolutions. They seem so easy to decide on and so difficult to carry out and achieve. Can they be as easy as ABC? Or 123? I think they can. Having begun my career teaching ABCs and 123s I know that the most effective way to learn something new is often the simplest way. With that in mind I created a system for my clients to help them set and achieve New Year's Resolutions that's as easy as - ABC and 123. I call it the 5Ws.

Think back to when you were learning how to read and add for the first time. You take for granted now the ease with which you read and comprehend but back then? Every new letter was difficult if not complicated. New sounds made by new vowels got the whole thing mixed up in your head. Oy. Or would that be oi? And what's all this about a 1 and a 5 being 15, isn't it 6?

Life seems to get more complicated as we get older and wiser. Once you get used to doing things a certain way it can feel unbearable to change. Making the changes in the simplest way possible is often the best ways to shift, change and move forward.

How about going back to the basics, and the strategies that worked when you were learning the basics? Step by step. Patience. Persistence. Pride in a job well done. Retracing your steps to find out what went wrong when you slip up. Breaking down complicated jobs into easy manageable tasks. Doing your homework. Rehearsing for the performance and often taking one step backward for every two steps forward.

The 5W System - As easy as ABC and 1,2,3

Supplies:
Journal supplies - a notebook and pen/pencil or computer.
New Year's Resolutions supplies - Your wishes, goals, hopes and dreams.
Strategy supplies - Your strengths and limitations.

As you answer the 5W questions below, jot them down in a journal you’ll be starting especially for this. Keeping a journal can often help in answering the 5Ws and helping you keep your resolutions.

The journal will give you a starting point aside from January 1st to refer to. A week or a month from now you can see how much progress you've made and decide if you’re happy with your progress, or lack thereof. You can continue from there. You can modify your tactics and start differently. Or you can start again using different techniques that fit your lifestyle better.

The 5Ws? Simple. Who, What, Where, When and Why.

* Who are you today and who would you like to be a year from now?
* Why do you want to make the change? Emphasis on YOU*.
* What changes in behavior and shifts in attitude will you need in order to make the changes and achieve your goal?
* Where can you get support to help you make the change? People, books, websites, journals etc.
* When is the best time of day/week/year for you to make the change? To evaluate the change? To take action toward achieving the change?

*A couple of tips to help you answer the “Why” for YOU.

OK, you've decided you want to make a change. Think about the change you've decided you want to make. You. Yes. Not anyone else who wants a change from you. You. OK. Are we there yet? One more minute. Think about it. It's OK - you can say, "I want to _______". If you need to whisper it that's OK, I can listen very carefully. If you need to write it down and burn it before anyone sees it, that's also OK. If you want to send yourself an email describing it, try that. Whatever works.

Now that you've decided what it is that you'd like to do/be/achieve, what mountain you'd like to climb, what number you'd like to see on the scale or in your bank account, which salutation you'd like to see before or after your name, what new places you'd like to explore or books you'd like to read....there's another step to take before we start planning the How.
Why do you want _________________________?

Find a place and time where you can sit quietly and think and have a real conversation with yourself or with your coach. Explore the reasons. Sure there are the first few surface/off the cuff that come to mind easily. Dig deeper. Keep asking yourself why until you've gotten to the real reason you want to achieve "whatever".

If we were working together I'd keep asking you why, why, why until we got to the real results you were after. So? What's the real reason? What do you really hope will be the result of your resolution?

Once you've figured out the "Why" it's easier to schedule and sort out the rest. You'll know the end result you're trying to achieve. By answering the Who, What, Where and When you'll be able to schedule the small tasks needed to make the change into your schedule.

Why? Why not? Why shouldn't you have the best year you've ever had before? Can you think of one good reason? I didn't think so. So go for it! Out with the old and in with the new.

Happy New Year!
Kiki
*********************
http://www.dlcecc.com
http://twitter.com/coachkiki
Short Term Coaching
Long Term Solutions

Mind- A Crisis of Confidence for Masters of the Universe - NY Times

2008-12-16T12:08:00.000-08:00

One good thing to come out of the current economic situation is the thinking about work related psychological and emotional issues that have always been around but not of great interest. Many people prefer to avoid thinking about the issues described by Richard A. Friedman in Mind - A Crisis of Confidence for Masters of the Universe but now it seems that it's touched so many lives that people are talking about it - out loud.

I stress "out loud" because these are issues that I/we've been dealing with for years here at DLC Executive and Career Consulting.
Things happen professionally and it can and often does affect a person's professional identity, emotional state, psychological state, interpersonal relationships, interests, goals and on and on.

It doesn't have to be fatal. The best thing a person can do is to reach out and ask for help as Dr. Friedman describes his patient doing - and as we've seen here. There are people trained to help, wanting to help and available to help but they/we can't help you unless you want it. So the first step is to reach out and get the help. Wherever and however you can. It's not worth getting physically sick over.

One thing though - I don't like the way Dr. Friedman asked if it's a gender based problem. The question is a problem in and of itself. Career identities and issues are not gender specific - to answer his question.

Anyway - you're not alone and you certainly don't have to be. If you're having difficulty dealing with the situation on your own and it's hard to see clearly through the fog and distress - reach out.

Good luck and have a good day,
Rebecca "Kiki"
**********************
Rebecca "Kiki" Weingarten
DLC Executive and Career Consulting
For more information call 646.468.0608

Starting Over, With a Second Career Goal - NY Times

2008-12-16T11:42:00.000-08:00

Terrific article about second careers and a new program at Harvard read it here - Starting Over, With a Second Career Goal of Changing Society. What makes me especially thrilled about all of this is that it's what I've been working on for the last couple of....how long has it been? And I'm really glad that now that there's critical mass with the Boomers starting to do it. Well, as the Boomers go so goes the nation.

As with many things I found myself ahead of the times which is difficult in its own right but so be it. Although I'm not near retirement age and quite frankly don't imagine I'll ever retire - I'll just keep going until the very end - it's something I've given a lot of thought to since I first began working. As early as 21 when I first worked with people who were near retirement or who had retired and I didn't like what I saw. Most floundered, some absolutely fell apart, some became severely depressed, some floundered and then found the next stage in their lives. They were all blindsided by the experience and the psychological as well as social and professional identity shifts that they experienced. One of my great role models is a mentor who is working at 91! She's in her second very successful career and she maintains that her longevity is due to her continued working!

I've been leading trainings, seminars and workshops on Second Career, Transitions and ACT II topics for a while now and I have to say it's some of my most gratifying work.I even mention it when working with college students because the world of work is a very different one for them than for any generation before them. I guess it's a lot like my very first job of teaching young children how to adapt and flourish in a new environment - shcool. I guess this would be teaching Early Second Careers. It's a new beginning - a new way of experiencing the world. I love it. And I'm glad that finally the world is catching up. Whew!

Enjoy the day and think of a positive and wonderful future because it's available to you if you want it - and of course work toward it.
RK
Rebecca "Kiki"
*************************
DLC Executive and Career Consulting
646.468.0608

Intensive Career and Executive Coaching - from Daily Life Consulting Executive Coaching and Counseling

2008-12-05T08:15:00.000-08:00

Hi,

Short term and intensive coaching. Some good news at a time when it feels like we're being bombarded with only bad news.

For those of you who have requested it (and those of you thinking about it) we've set up a new "economic crisis" coaching system. It includes;

*One 1 1/2 (one and a half) hour phone coaching session
*E-mail follow-up
*Resume review
*Strategy planning

Call 646.468.0608 for more information or email at 411 at dlcecc dot com.

RK
**************
Rebecca "Kiki" Weingarten
DLC Executive Coaching and Counseling

Economic/Job/Career Crisis Coaching Package + DLCECC.com

2008-11-25T13:40:00.000-08:00

Hi -
Dare I ask how you are? It's been hectic here with what's going on out there. In order to streamline the coaching process for some of you who would like a bit of a boost we've developed an Economic/Job/Career Crisis Coaching package. We've also spun off the Executive/Career Coaching and Counseling part of Daily Life Consulting into its own entity - DLCECC (Daily Life Consulting Executive Coaching and Counseling).

It's great for you if you;

* Lost your job and are looking for a new one.
* Your company firm is laying off people and you're there doing double and triple duty.
* You're concerned that you might be laid off.
* You'd like to explore other career paths.
* You have to delay your retirement plans indefinitely and need a new plan.
* You need to develop a new income stream.
* You've been laid off and want to start over in a new field.
* You figure this is the perfect time to explore career options you deferred on.
* You're making a career transition or shift and need help doing it successfully.
* You need help managing the stress of your work life along with financial stresses.
* You need to develop a new spending and doing-more-with-less plan for yourself and/or your family.

What does it include?

* Two(2) to four(4) phone coaching sessions (depending on topic and need).
* An action plan to follow.
* Resume review.
* Coaching follow-up.

For more information on crisis coaching prices, plans and options please email us at 411 at dlcecc dot com or phone 646.468.0608

Call or email - we're here for you,
Kiki
Short Term Coaching
Long Term Solutions
DLCECC

How To Make A Spending Plan - Marketwatch.com

2008-11-04T09:19:00.000-08:00

Great article about making a spending plan. Step 1 is to change the word budget to the phrase spending plan and then take it from there.

Check out the complete article by Jeff D. Opdyke How To Make A Spending Plan

Vote!!!!

Enjoy the day your way,
Kiki
***************
Daily Life Consulting
Short Term Coaching
Long Term Solutions

Use the Economic Crisis as a Personal and Professional Opportunity

2008-10-31T06:11:00.000-07:00

Hi All

So it feels like it's all bad news all the time. Right? Not necessarily. With challenge comes opportunity and we've been working with all of you to find the silver lining behind the cloud and all the other cliche type metaphors for turning a difficult and ________ (scary, terrifying, debilitating, paralyzing - fill in the blank) situation into new options, beginnings, opportunities and plans for getting through the present and planning for a great future.

If I sound ridiculously optimistic it's an optimism and sureness born of personal and professional experience. I've gone through tough times and career forks-in-the-road and flourished and have been furtunate enough to be able to assist others to do the same. So it may all sound Pollyanna-ish or Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm-ish - both of which I've been called before but it's based on fact and experience. You can get through this successfully.

In answer to your emails and phone calls requesting information about our services here's a short description of some of the services we offer to individuals and companies. From career coaching and counseling for individuals and groups to business services such as once monthly or weekly 'open' days where individuals, executives, project managers and their teams can in complete confidentiality work with one of our coaches to help smooth through their challenging work issues and move forward with their project work.

Daily Life Consulting
Short Term Coaching Long Term Solutions
services and issues covered include:
* Training, Seminars, Workshops, Individual and Group Coaching
* Boosting Morale
* Focusing and Multitasking
* Dealing with new and/or more responsibilities
* Motivation
* Transitions - within a company or after downsizing and restructuring
* New economic realities - managing anxiety, strategizing and planning ahead
* Coping with economic stress in healthful ways
* Rethinking Career Direction and Plan
* Rethinking Retirement Options
* Second Career or Mid-Career shifts
* Short term and long term planning

We've been featured in national publications including Forbes, the LA Times, Pink, Chicago Sun Times, Dow Jones/Marketwatch, MSN, WebMD, Yahoo/HotJobs and many others.

For those of you we know and love - keep up the great work! You will get through this and you'll get through this successfully! We'll make sure of that!

For those of you we've only "met" through email and phone queries - we look forward to working together soon. If you have any more questions please call 646.468.0608 or email coach at dailylifeconsulting dot com

We're ready for you - are you ready for your new future? (The great and exciting one that is...)

Enjoy the weekend,
Kiki
*******************************
Daily Life Consulting

Short Term Coaching
Long Term Solutions

Motivation and Transition Coaching

2008-10-28T07:59:00.000-07:00

Hi All,

No - I couldn't believe the last time I posted here! It's been a crazy time. The economy is causing lots of anxiety, distress and the need for change, new strategies, motivation, morale boosters, new directions, new career and life maps for the new directions and on and on.

We've been swamped here at Daily Life Consulting with clients, workshops, seminars and training programs. So the workbook series has taken a back seat to the immediate needs of clients. Whew!

Keep the emails coming. If you'd like more information or to speak to a coach please call 646.468,0608 or email coach at dailylifeconsulting dot com

Don't panic! Help and support are available. We'll get through this. We'll get through this successfully.

Enjoy (as much as you can of) the day,
Kiki
**************

Fall News + http://www.savelorishouse.com

2008-09-16T07:42:00.000-07:00

Massive apologies to those of you who've been requesting your "fix". It's been quite hectic as it usually is in September. Keep your emails coming and please give me/us a little more time to answer than we would normally need. You should hear from someone within 24 hours (except over the weekends). You can always call at 646.468.0608!

Ok - so workshops and seminars moving right along. We're adding a new one for October that will focus on managing stress and work and actually flourishing with all the gloomy financial news that's hitting us from all sides.

15-minute coaching phone calls are proving to be a great tool for many of you. Checking in, brainstorming, focusing, preparing for meetings, follow-ups to meetings and more. Glad you're liking it and finding it helpful and empowering!

Also - please check out Save Lori's House
and lend a hand. Lori is a single mother who has been stricken with ALS (Lou Gehrig's disease). People from all over the world are pitching in to help, Ben Lee has lent his song "We're All In This Together". We are. Please help if you can.

Enjoy the day your way,
RK
Rebecca "Kiki"
*********************************
Rebecca "Kiki" Weingarten
Daily Life Consulting

Fall Preview

2008-08-20T07:54:00.000-07:00

Hi All!

We're back...ish. Sessions continue with a bit of a break for some end-of-summer R&R. We're also getting in gear for the workshops and seminars and new projects that will be beginning in September.

We'll be offering some of the coaching topics as online workshops and seminars as well. Topics such as Career Transitions, Pre-Retirement Planning, Stress Management, Time Management, ME FIRST(sm), Finding Focus, Creativity Boosters and more. So for those of you who've been asking about them - you've got it. We'll be sending out emails with information - and keep checking back here for more details.

Stuck? Stressed? Overwhelmed? Not sure what to do? Can't wait until your next session or workshop? Need help fast/now/in a flash? We're starting something new as of next week - check out Coaching Phone Calls. 15 minute coaching! It's not meant to "solve all your problems" in one 15 minute coaching interaction. It's for those times that you need a quick dose, before or after an important meeting or interview, brainstorming a new concept, project or change, an interaction with your employees or your boss. It's a boost to get you to the next step, or session, or just to help you get through. For more information call 646.468.0608 or email me at kiki at dailylifeconsulting dot com.

Meanwhile - we're going to enjoy the first stunning day of "summer in the city". Enjoy the day your way,
RK
************
Rebecca "Kiki" Weingarten
Daily Life Consulting

Updates - (what we've been up to since we've been AWOL from posting)

2008-07-29T10:35:00.000-07:00

Ok - we're here but sort-of-ish here. That means we've been busy doing what we always do coaching, workshops, seminars, webinars....ok a little R&R too and not too much blogosphere.
What we have been doing is working on the new projects for the Fall. I am so excited, I love all this stuff and I'm excited about the new projects to come.
In short;
* We'll be devoting one blog to your Q&A. The Motivation and Transition Coaching blog
will be the place to go to for asking, and getting answers to your questions about anything and everything motivation and transition related. If you'd like to see your questions answered on the blog please email motivateme at motivationandtransitioncoaching dot com. Can't wait to hear from you!

We've also been working on setting up workshops, seminars and classes online. Over the years we've been getting lots of requests for them to be online and now we're going to be doing it. Stay tuned for more info.

We'll be posting the schedule for the Fall workshops, seminars and classes in August. If you have a topic you'd like to see covered please email me at kiki at dailylifeconsulting dot com and I'll see when we can fit it in.

Topics that will be covered are career choices, career transitions, career and practice shifts, exploring new options, stress management, time management, creativity, finding focus, etherthink and more. Our education and parenting workshops will include learning skills, school skills, reading-writing and comprehension, competition skills, children on overload, parenting skills and helping children succeed and sometimes fail successfully, enhancing creativity in children, helping children become life-long learners. You can visit http://dailylifecoaching4kids.blogspot.com for more information or email me at kiki at dailylifeconsulting dot com

Enjoy the summer - I don't know how hot it is where you are but we're scorching over here in NYC. Argh.

Enjoy the day your way,
Rebecca "Kiki"
Daily Life Consulting

Follow-Up What Do You Want To Do in Act II?

2008-07-29T10:30:00.000-07:00

Thanks to ASTD and everyone who participated in the What Do You Want To Do In ACT II? Webinar on Thursday, July 24th.
Thanks everyone for your terrific questions and kind emails! The questions you sent in are a bit too complex to do justice to with a brief few-line answer. I answered in general and they'll be posted on the ASTD site soon.

Of course, being a Career and Transition Coach, would suggest working with a coach to really flesh out a solid, fulfilling and enjoyable ACT II. It’s a great new ACT for a new stage of life. Lights, camera – take action and make it the best it can be. You deserve it. You’ve worked hard your whole life it’s time to reap the benefits and make the most of this great, new exciting ACT II.
Take center stage in this next phase! Wishing you all great good luck and lots of years to flourish and have fun in ACT II.

Rebecca "Kiki"
Daily Life Consulting

What Do You Want To Do In Act II? American Society for Training and Development + In Act 2 of Life Doing What Matters (NY Times)

2008-07-09T07:09:00.000-07:00

The American Society for Training and Development magazine's July issue features a terrific article by Paula Ketter Are You Ready for ACT II? It was my great pleasure to speak with Paula about the different ways to prepare for a new lifestyle after retirement.

I am so excited to be continuing to explore this topic with ASTD.org. On July 24th, with ASTD, I'll be doing a seminar “What Do You Want to Do in Act II?” will offer some thoughts, ideas and tips on making the transition from your conventional work life to whatever form of retirement you're planning on having, followed by a Q&A session. Judging by my clients I think we're going to have to retire the word retire and come up with another way of describing the kinds of ACT IIs that people are having. Stay tuned for more details on the seminar.

On a very related note, I was happy to see Jane Brody writing about the same issues in her column in yesterday's NY Times In Act 2 of Life, Doing Work That Matters
As always, her article was informative and loaded with information.

Retirement isn't what it used to be. It's a new stage of life with lots of OPTIONS and as many ways to approach it as there are people approaching it.

Using the work I've done with clients, research and my experience as a Program Developer and Trainer I've developed the OPTIONS(sm) system for planning for ACT II which I'll be talking about in more detail on July 24th with ASTD. I'm very much looking forward to it. Some of my greatest work inspirations have come from personal mentors who have made fantastic ACT II shifts. Although I'm at a different stage in my work life the lessons I've learned from them and my clients gives me a great perspective on transitions, and new beginnings. I look forward to sharing my experiences with them, my clients and the research that's being done on this exciting new way to embrace Act II (the stage previously known as retirement - maybe we should just call it !!

Please email or call form more info - I will be posting more about it here as well.

Enjoy the day your way!
Rebecca "Kiki"
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Daily Life Consulting
For more information on individual or group coaching, seminars, workshops, strategy development sessions, trainings or programs for your organization please call 646.468.0608 or email me at coach at dailylifeconsulting dot com or Eva Harris at eva at shoutoutpr dot com

The Dramatic Mind - Quick Response

2008-07-08T13:01:00.000-07:00

Hey all of you who feel neglected by The Dramatic Mind - I think we'll have to shoot for September for that one - but in the meantime here are a couple of quick answers to some requests for reading recs for some interesting and fun summer reading. This is for you J and B - who have been emailing since the end of June for books to take along on vaca! Get ready for the fall workshops - they're going to be fun!!

Meanwhile - for any movie lovers who feel a bit guilty indulging quite as much as they do - keep indulging! Read this article and head thee to the movies! Love this article - thanks C.R. for emailing it to me.
It's from Media Life Magazine and it's Revealed: Secret Life of Moviegoers.

*For F and G who wanted books that tell about the other side of the movie business, the one you don't read about in Script Magazine check out these books about the film business -

*Bambi vs. Godzilla On the Nature, Purpose, and Practice of the Movie Business by David Mamet

*Hello, He Lied and Other Tales from the Hollywood Trenches by Lynda Obst

*Which Lie Did I Tell? and Adventures in the Screen Trade by William Goldman

*Z check out Writing in Flow by Susan Perry I think it might have some of the material you're looking for.

*A.N. thanks for the rec for Wanted. It was as you said. The editing was terrific and the story, when taken as a comic book one lots of fun. A bit of gore but comic booky as well.

*I've heard that The Playwright as Thinker: A Study of Drama in Modern Times by Eric Bentley is powerful and will be starting that one as soon as I get it (I couldn't find it in any bookstore in Manhattan so so much for an impulse-read-this-minute but it is available at Amazon) I love anything I've ever read by Bentley so am totally looking forward to this one as well.

As for the other side of creativity - the where it lives and comes from and why we can't always access it when and how we'd like... well, I'll post those later this was strictly some quick answers to some specific questions. Let me know what you think of the books or any recs you may have - I love 'em!

Enjoy!
RK
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Daily Life Consulting

Age of Riches - Challenges of $600-a-Session Patients - NY Times

2008-07-07T09:48:00.000-07:00

The question "what do you think?" is usually a loaded question for me because I usually have a number of thoughts and opinions, sometimes contradicting, on issues.
So to J, M, C, and R who emailed me links to the article in the New York Times
Age of Riches - Challenges of $600-a-Session Patients morning with the question
"what do you think and how does it relate to coaching?" I say "I think a couple of things".

*The first thing I'll say is that therapy is not coaching, coaching is not therapy and coaching shouldn't be a substitute for therapy, if therapy is needed and therapy shouldn't take the place of coaching if coaching is needed. The article was about therapy so I will only address my thoughts to general ones about topics in the article that you had questions about.

*The second thing I have to say is that I'm a firm believer in getting any kind of assistance one needs in order to have the most satisfying life possible. That assistance could be coaching, therapy, whatever it is that's necessary.

*The third thing I'll say is that each individual regardless of their circumstance brings individual issues into a coaching relationship.

*Moving on to the fourth thing I had a problem with some of the language in the article. Whenever it's a group of people with one thing in common....well, it sets up generalities that actually relate to many people.

*I don't think "in it to win" is a negative description (that one's for J). That's a personal thought and of course it depends on the situation. I do believe in, and work with my clients to achieve, a level of enjoyment and satisfaction from working toward goals and achieving goals.

*I think that people working with coaches or therapists will probably know more about their area of expertise than their coach or therapist (unless they happen to be in the same field and even then....) (that one is for M). I've worked with people in finance, the music industry and musicians, business, the arts, writers, directors, producers, people in sales, marketing, doctors, lawyers, government officials and agencies, educators, scientists, students, grad applicants and on and on. In each case I learned about the person's area of expertise even if it was an area I was trained or involved in. That's one of the great things about working with people in different fields - the things you learn.

*Being aware of life, mortality and legacy can work to assist people in really defining and focusing on what they find meaningful in their lives and how they want to move forward. (That one's for you R)

C and the rest of the emailers who have lots of questions. I hope I addressed some of them here and the rest we'll figure out later.

Enjoy the day your way,
Rebecca Kiki
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Daily Life Consulting
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For more info on coaching or programs please call 646.468.0608 or email coach at dailylifeconsulting dot com

Motivation and Transition Coaching + Starbucks

2008-07-02T06:44:00.000-07:00

Who knew so many of you were at your computers yesterday? Thanks for the emails and texts and thanks even for the kind words about orneriness (is that a word?) - I guess there is a time and place for everything. Moving right along I will say that I am feeling blog-casual this week - I guess I'm having casual-blogdays so I'll just put a couple of thoughts into this one blog and call it a hot-humid-Wednesday-in-the-city day.

Motivation and Transition Coaching This blog (Kick-Start Self Coaching) will soon be renamed "Motivation and Transition Coaching"
since that's what most of the content here has been. We'll be finding new ether-homes for the other topic areas including EtherThink and the others.

Creativity and Writing Coaching information will be on a soon-to-be-launched blog/site called "The Dramatic Mind" (I'm a dramatist by training and personality - what can I say?).

Workshops and Seminars will continue for all the topic areas in the fall, along with Daily Life Coaching 4 Kids workshops, seminars and groups. I'm putting together some really exciting programs and materials and I am really really excited about it.

In response to some of your questions about the materials - short answer - Yes! The materials provided are proprietary. As a program developer and educator by training and experience they are based on the work I do with clients, along with new and emerging research in all the fields covered.

In addition, this coming year we will begin coach and program training for people in the field (coaches, teachers, therapists, trainers, educators, facilitators) who would like some additional training in ME FIRST(TM) Coaching, FINDING FOCUS(TM) and Transition Coaching. I will also be offering Coaching Workshops on Burnout and Stress, two areas that are coming up a great deal lately.

Speaking of workplace stress and transitions. To all Starbucks employees who are being shifted, downsized, laid off or any other term you'd like to use - I'd like to offer some assistance in the way of a quick-pick-me-up. Since you've provided us with the energy to get through some awful mornings/times I'd like to return the favor. A quick-pick-me-up coaching session to help you get back on your feet. Please contact us at coach at dailylifeconsulting (please put "Starbucks" in the subject line) and receive one Grande-Moving-Forward Coaching session for $25.00. Whether you're there part-time, full-time, first job, transition-job, retirement job, writing the great american novel job or love-the-smell-of-fresh-brewed-coffee job you're eligible.

So everyone. Onward and upward as I always say. And of course....
Enjoy the day your way,
Rebecca (Kiki)
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Daily Life Consulting
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For more information about individual coaching, groups, workshops, seminars or talks, workshops and materials for your corporation, business or networking group please call 646.468.0608 or email coach at dailylifeconsulting dot com

Summer in the City + HopStop.com, AAA and Travel Agent approach to Coaching

2008-07-01T08:41:00.000-07:00

Confession time. I love summer in the city. Not that I love the city in the summer. I just love how the city empties out. I'm figuring I can be a bit ornery here today since so many of you have skipped town for the week. Thanks. Here's how it is for me. I love the country, mountains, nature, trees, the outdoors, and all the rest of it. It might be because I'm originally from Vermont - I'm New English - or because I spent three months a year in the mountains every year from the time that I was zero until college. Or, I just love it. I prefer being outdoors to being indoors anytime. Whatever the case may be (again - I'm taking liberties here today because I figure most of you are on vaca) so what I try and do is make sure that I get to spend as much of every day as possible outside. I also love the city - I love the culture, the energy, the opportunities, but I can't stand it when it's too too crowded which is.....always. So what do I do? I stick around the city when everyone packs out and crowds the country and shore and I head out to the country and shore when everyone comes back.

So the thing is that different people like different things different ways, which is really the point of my work and my approach to it. What is it that you like? Want? How do you want it? What's the best way for you to get it? I had a terrific conversation yesterday with the wonderful writer/person/parent Gina Roberts-Grey and we talked about lots of things including the ins and outs of coaching for an article she's working on. (Check out her work and articles - you'll learn a lot!)

I tried to explain my approach to working with people and the different kinds of coaching different people need. With some clients it's the HopStop.com approach. Where are you? Where do you want to go? How much do you want to use transportation and how much are you willing to walk? The person knows where they are and where they want to get to, they just need some assistance with the logistics. So we map out a route and take it from there.

With some clients it's more of the AAA (American Automobile Association) approach. I'm here and I'd like to travel to there but I need a roadmap, some places along the way to stop, figure out the most scenic/quickest/fill in the ________ route. Should I use my car? Should I drive part of the way and take the train? Should I fly and ride? Should I rent a car at my destination? All of the details about the best way to do it for what the person would like.

With some clients it's more of the travel agent approach. Hmmmm, I know I need to get out of town but I have no idea where I'd like to go! Do I want a hot climate? Cold? How do I want to get there? How long do I want it to take? These are all the questions that come into play. That takes longer.

So the short answer to "what kind of coaching is best/would work for me/do I need?" is that it depends on what you want and what the best way is for you to get it.

Enjoy the day, wherever you are!!!!!!
Rebecca Kiki
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Daily Life Consulting
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For more information on individual or group coaching, workshops, seminars or coaching/education materials for your group or corporation (or just to say hi!) call 646.468.0608 or email me at coach at dailylifeconsulting.com

Eyes Bloodshot, Doctors Vent Their Discontent - NY Times

2008-06-17T08:04:00.000-07:00

Thanks Mark for emailing the article to me. I told you you're not alone!
Great article in today's NY Times Eyes Bloodshot, Doctors Vent Their Discontent . The title says it all.

For all those doctors out there, and those of you working with me, like I said to Mark you are not alone in your feelings of frustration, discontent (and on and on). The good news is that you can make changes in your lives. It doesn't mean "giving up" and it doesn't mean "failure" or a host of other words with negative connotations. It means change.

Quick Start Questions for today/this week;
* What is working? (besides you...)
* What isn't working? (besides everything else...)
* What do you see as obstacles to making changes?
* How badly do you want to make a change?
* What are you willing to do in order to make the change?

Feel free to send me your thoughts and concerns at kiki at dailylifeconsulting dot com.

Enjoy the day your way (start writing your own prescription for that!)
Rebecca (Kiki)
Daily Life Consulting
For more information on coaching, workshops, seminars, classes and materials for your group or company please call 646.468.0608 or email coach at dailylifeconsulting dot com

Moving Out of the Midcareer Morass - Yahoo HotJobs

2008-06-12T10:29:00.000-07:00

Yes. I'm here. May and June are loaded with workshops, seminars and groups (and new graduates!) so there's been less time for blog posts. Miss you though and thanks for the emails! I hope to be back to "regular" blogging soon. In the meantime -

Great article in Yahoo! HotJobs by Robert DiGiacomo Moving Out of the Midcareer Morass. Many of you are going through this particular situation now and although not easy or pleasant it can be a great turning point. In our work together many of you choose to use the circumstance as an opportunity. A way to change your life around for the better and to find a new direction, or rediscover a path not taken but wished for. I spoke with Rob about the particular issues facing midcareer job searchers. He asked great questions, has some great insights and thoughts, and wrote a terrific article about the topic.

Enjoy the day your way,
RK
Rebecca Kiki Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA
Daily Life Consulting
For more information on coaching, workshops, seminars,groups and student rates call 646.468.0608
or email coach at dailylifeconsulting dot com

2-Session Turnaround (TM) Coaching

2008-05-19T09:45:00.000-07:00

Many of you have been asking about our new 2-Session Turnaround(TM) Coaching What is it? How does it work? What's involved? What kinds of issues could I use it for?

I've also gotten questions about how and why I developed the 2-Session Turnaround(TM)Coaching Program. I'll answer that one first. In short - I wish I would have had this option when I was going through all the different phases of my career(s). If you read the topics I've included below I can tell you that I've gone through all of them myself. I've transitioned voluntarily and involuntarily. I've loved my work so much that I could barely sleep at night because I was so excited about the day to come. I've hated my work so much that there wasn't any amount of caffeine and sleep that could help me feel energized. I've loved some work situations but really couldn't stand the work environment. I've loved some work environments but couldn't stand the work involved. I've loved some bosses and really disliked others. I've loved some employees and really disliked others. I've been so burned out I was toast. I've been stressed. I've been unfocused. I've found focus. I've had to learn how to blend my creative life into the other parts of my life. I've had to learn how to manage work and life and synthesize the two to make life all it can be.

In short I've been there. Wherever. So when I work with clients and they talk about an issue, chances are there's a secret language and shorthand that we share. I've been there and worked through it. Now I want to help others do the same. As many people as I can because there is just no reason to feel miserable about work. There are too many other things in our lives that we can't control, why add to it?

I used my experience, my training in different areas and my skills as a program developer to develop the kinds of programs I wished I'd had when I needed them, and when I might need them in the future.

Make your life the best life it can be.

So here is some general information and if you'd like more details or information please feel free to call me at 646.468.0608 or email coach@dailylifeconsulting.com using "2-Session Turnaround" in the subject line.

Question:What is 2-Session Turnaround(TM) Coaching

Answer: 2-Session Turnaround(TM) Coaching is a very short term coaching solution to help you find some answers, direction, strategies and figure out what to do next.

Question: What kinds of issues could I work on in 2-Session Turnaround(TM) Coaching?

Answer: You name it!
Transitions - If you're making a job change for any reason whether voluntary or not, or if you'd like to explore options for making a change Transition Turnaround is for you.
Career and Work Choices and Shifts
Burnout
Stress Management
Time Management
Finding Focus - What do I want to be doing?
What Next? Are you at a crossroad in your life? Have you accomplished a goal and aren't sure what to do next? Are you contemplating the next phase of your career but aren't sure what that might be?
Creativity (Productivity and Blocks)
Writing (Productivity and Blocks)
ME FIRST (TM) Coaching
Work-Life Balance and Symmetry
Career and Focus Transitions for Writers
Career and Practice Transitions for Attorneys
Career and Practice Transitions for Doctors
Character and Script Analysis and Development
Question: How Does It Work?

Answer: 2-Session Turnaround(TM) Coaching takes place over the course of a month and works like this. It's very simple and straightforward.

*1 Coaching Session to begin the process.
*Follow-Up materials which match the area you're Turning Around.
*Email Communication available during weekday business hours for the two weeks until the next coaching session. These can be for questions, clarifications, yelps, "I did it!", "it worked!" or whatever you wish to communicate.
*2nd Coaching Session.
*More Follow-up Materials and Action Plan.
*Email Communication available during weekday business hours for the two weeks until the next coaching session. These can be for questions, clarifications, yelps, "I did it!", "it worked!" or whatever else you might wish to communicate.
*15 Minute Coaching follow-up session.

Very simple. 2-Session Turnaround(TM) Coaching gives you a chance to do just that. Find direction, discuss options with an objective, trained coach, discover new strategies and move ahead confidently. Please feel free to call or email with any questions or comments. (p)646.458.0608 or (e) coach at daily life consulting dot com (2-Session Turnaround in the subject line).

Enjoy the day your way,
RK
Rebecca Kiki Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA
Daily Life Consulting

Spring/Summer Workshops and Seminars

2008-04-30T12:36:00.000-07:00

This May and June the schedule includes workshops and seminars on;

Transitions - Career and Work Choices, Decisions and Shifts
Finding Focus
Creativity and Writing (Productivity and Blocks)
ME FIRST Coaching
Work-Life Balance and Symmetry
Career and Practice Transitions for attorneys
Career and Practice Transitions for doctors

Workshops are two or four sessions.
Seminars are one session.
For more information or to arrange a workshop or seminar for your business, group or school, or for individual coaching please call 646.468.0608.

For information on Parenting and Education Workshops please visit http://dailylifecoaching4kids.blogspot.com or call 646.468.0608

Enjoy the day,
RK

Coaching Question

2008-04-07T11:02:00.000-07:00

I'm in the process of putting together short coaching modules on different topics for those of you who asked for short-term self-coaching programs. I'd love some input on which one/s you'd be interested in first.

Transition Coaching
Are you transitioning from one job to another?
Have you recently been downsized and are looking for work in the same/another area?
Are you shifting your work or practice focus from one area to another?
Are you graduating colleger or grad school and looking for a first job?
Are you shifting from one career to another?
Are you thinking about retirement within the next year or two?
Are you thinking about a working retirement?
Are you thinking about a productive/life shift retirement?

Work Management and Resolutions?
Do you want to make positive work and work style changes in attitude, productivity or goals?

Burnout
Are you feeling burnout and need strategies for getting out of it and staying out of it?

Work-Life Symmetry and Balance?
Are you overextended?
Are the boundaries between work and life completely blurred?
Are you working too much?
Are you working not enough?
Are you working from a home-office and need clearly defined boundaries?

Finding Focus
Do you want to identify, clarify and define your goals and directions?

Corporate or Executive Coaching for you or your staff?
Creative Blocks
Staring at a blank screen or canvas?

Time Management

Stress Management

Please let me know by sending an email with the topic you're most interested in the subject line. Feel free to write a short description of what's going on and how you'd like to move ahead.

Write to kiki at dailylifeconsulting dot com

Enjoy the day your way,
RK
Rebecca Kiki Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA
Daily Life Consulting

Tighten Your Belt, Strengthen Your Mind - NY Times

2008-04-02T09:07:00.000-07:00

Reat this article! Tighten Your Belt, Strengthen Your Mind It also answers the question/comment that many people have about how being coached in one area seems to improve their lives in other areas.

Pay attention to the part about how willpower can be learned and strengthened.

Enjoy the day your way,
RK
Rebecca Kiki Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA
Daily Life Consulting

Ok - You asked and now for some answers + Info on ME FIRST (c) Coaching Materials

2008-04-01T08:38:00.000-07:00

Thanks for your emails yesterday, I've read and responded to many of them. If I haven't gotten to yours yet please be patient and you should get a response today or tomorrow.

Lots of F train riders answered the call (re: yesterday's post) and thanks R.G. for the suggestion to have a coaching workshop on the Manhattan bound F train in the mornings. Hmmmm - the concept is interesting but I'm not sure it would work - how would we do that? Second car reserved for meet 'n greet and the third car for coaching workshop? Also, all that getting on and off the train might be distracting. Hey - maybe we can get the conducter involved and he could call out some directions and questions - but I digress.

Lots of questions about dealing with stress relating to the economic situation in the country in general, questions from people in finance who are concerned about layoffs in the sector, questions from boomers who were planning on retiring within the next 5 or 10 but may have to put that off, questions from creatives who are thinking starving artist and freelance might not be the way to go, questions from people who wanted to transition into different careers or areas but aren't sure this is the time to do it.

I also got requests for coaching materials.

Ok - some quick thoughts.
Keep your focus on your goals and direction.
If you're having trouble finding personal focus, do that now before you make a move.
If you can't make a change right now you can still figure out what you'd like your future to look like so you're ready to make the changes when the opportunity arises.
Don't panic.
I know you've heard it before but think of challenges as opportunities.
Write up a short list of what benefits you might be gaining by being exactly where you are right now. What's good about it? What's positive about it? What are you learning from it?

As for Coaching materials, I do provide proprietary coaching materials to my clients as part of their coaching process. They are exercises and workbooks that I've developed over my years of coaching (and include my teaching, program development and psychological, counseling and guidance training). The result is a full coaching system called ME FIRST Coaching (c) which will be available for sale later in the Spring.
But-
But-
But-
Since so many of you have been requesting some kick-start coaching materials what I'll do is put together a short version with some of the beginning exercises which will get you started. I'll work on a short version with different targeted topics and make those available soon.

Meanwhile - to those of you from around the country who sent in emails and questions - thanks! And to you Brooklynites - see you on the F train!

Enjoy the day your way,
RK
Rebecca Kiki Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA (APA)
Daily Life Consulting

Ask For Help - A Little Can Go A Long Way

2008-03-31T09:42:00.000-07:00

If you have a question or issue you'd like help with send me an email to kiki at daily life consulting dot com and if I can I'll try and post a response here. That's the very short answer to a lot of the questions I've gotten recently. If you're not ready for coaching (financially, time-wise or emotionally) you don't have to jump right in but you don't have to suffer either. I can't take it when people suffer or struggle through something. I know I can't solve all the world's problems but....so here's what it's all about.

People ask me all the time how I came to do the things I do. Short answer, I really love helping people live better lives. I love helping people live the lives they want to live.
I became a teacher in order to be the kind of teacher I wished I had had. Guidance and Counseling? I wanted to guide and counsel in the way I wished I'd been. Coordinating NYC Youth Services? I wanted children all over NYC to get the directed help and programs that they needed in the simplest and most efficient way possible, and hopefully set an example for other cities in the US to develop databases and systems to enable them to do the same.

Psychology and my mental health studies are a way of giving me more information to help me achieve my goal in helping others achieve theirs. The creative arts a whole other story. But back to Coaching.

Coaching is a combination of all of the above. Teaching, Guidance, Counseling, developing and creating programs to assist people in attaining their goals, guiding people toward services and programs that can enrich their lives.
I like to help people. It's my nature. It's a result of what I've seen people go through in life. It's just who I am. Really, don't apologize if you send an email or ask a question you need some assistance with. Sometimes I can just post a general answer.

For example - shout out to the young woman on the Brooklyn bound F train from Manhattan on Friday afternoon at about 4:30pm - it took everything I had not to go over and just give you a one shot coaching burst just to get you out of your funk!

Here's a young woman who is describing her life to some friends she hadn't seen in a while. She's now a lawyer and apparently gave up her dream of being involved in sports on some level. Her friends were shocked "but you looooooove sports....you were always so into it....I can't believe you're not doing anything sports-related."

So here's this young woman who probably killed herself to get through Law School and now she's miserable (you should have seen the body language and tone of voice). I couldn't take it but at the same time I didn't think it was appropriate to hand her my card or start giving her unasked for advice and guidance. (If you happen to read this - send me an email - there are lots of ways that you can incorporate the things you love into your life.)

So ask for help, even if all you need is to let someone know you feel like you might need it at some point. It might not sound like a "big issue" but if it's bugging you, that's big enough.

Send an email to me at kiki at daily life consultin dot com and put 'a little help needed' in the subject line and I'll try and respond as soon as I can either via email or as a blog post.

Enjoy the day your way,
RK
Rebecca Kiki Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA
Daily Life Consulting

More On Goals

2008-03-26T09:34:00.000-07:00

I received lots of emails and questions regarding the Goal Post that I posted earlier this week.

Lots of questions. Some specific. Some general. I'll free associate some thoughts I had and some of the discussions that have followed as a result.

Goal Posts: Wouldn't it be great if we had them clearly set out there?
Guide/Instruction Book: Ditto how terrific it would be to have one for each goal.

What do you think of when you hear the words "setting goals"?:
People have different reactions.
Some love setting them and just blasting forward.
Some people imagine how terrific they'll feel when they've achieved their goals. Some people think of the financial rewards.
Some people think about the emotional rewards.
Some people think about the intellectual rewards.
Some people think about the ego-gratification rewards.
Some people think of the look on their friends' faces at the reunion.
Some people become overwhelmed by the thought of all that goes into achieving them.
Some people immediately think about everything that can go wrong on the way.
Some people think about all the difficulties that will be involved.
Some people think of the sacrifices they may or may not want to make.
Some people have more than one goal.
Some people have goals that seem to conflict with one another.
Some people like to make charts to plan them out.
Some people like visual cues.
Some people like financial milestones.
Some people like emotional milestones.
Some people like intellectual milestones.
Some people like psychological milestones.
Some people like the idea of a good day's work.
Some people think there is no such thing as a "good" day at work.
On and on and on.

If it were simple and everyone knew exactly what they wanted and exactly how to get it everyone would be doing it already wouldn't they?
Something gets in the way.
Sometimes lots of things get in the way.

While mulling this over the image of a stagecoach came to mind. Maybe I'd seen 3:10 To Yuma that one time too many but there it was. Then I thought of those scenes where something's holding the stage up. The driver's got to get the wheels out of the mud, or the horses are skittish because they sense a storm a brewin'. Maybe the driver's got to dump some of the baggage on board because it's holding them back from moving forward. The next image I had was of the driver just jumping on those horses and driving on to his destination. In the timeless dialogue of old westerns - that yee-ha! moment.

Sometimes that's what the process is like. Figuring out where you want to get to.
Figuring out how to get there.
Overcoming obstacles along the way.
Developing the tools you need to get you there, sustain you and enable you to move forward on your own.
Finally taking the reins yourself and having your own yee-ha! moment and life.

(Remind me not to free-associate in the ether here. Sometimes I "do go on" as they say.)

Well anyway, hope this answers some of your questions and comments. If there's more information you'd like or to talk about this more please email me at rebecca at dailylifeconsulting dot com.

Enjoy the day - any which way,
RK
Rebecca Kiki Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA (APA)
Daily Life Consulting

Workplace Harrassment - Bullying - When the Bully Sits in the Next Cubicle (or office)

2008-03-25T09:34:00.000-07:00

Important and excellent article in today's NY Times When the Bully Sits in the Next Cubicle about harrassment and bullying at the workplace. I added "or office" because this kind of bullying goes on at the management level as well. I work with clients who have experienced it or who are experiencing it.

If you feel or think you're being harrassed do not minimize your thoughts or feelings about the matter. I say this from both sides of the coaching relationship.
I won't go into the details here on my personal experience but suffice it to say that it is really horrible. It is because of this that I am so compassionate and understanding when working with people at the highest level of management who come in for coaching to deal with the issue. Sometimes they think they're "imagining it", being "too sensitive", begin to "doubt their own capabilities", "feel paranoid", "feel depressed", "don't want to go to work in the morning" and more.

Coaching Tip: (and yes, I will shout this one)
DO NOT MINIMIZE WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH!!!
Check out the the survey developed by Researchers at the State University of New York in New Paltz of behaviors that can constitute bullying. If not addressed, and taken care of, the affects can be long lasting and can really damage your professional confidence and sense of self. Don't wait to take action. Speak to someone YOU TRUST either in your HR department, or find a coach or advisor who can help you get through it.

I was lucky that I had amazing support and the personal and professional training, experience and integrity to see what was going on. I also had the support of people higher up than those who were doing the bullying so that I was able to see the situation for what it was. As a firm believer of my own Boomerang theory, I knew it was inevitable that the people in question would get their just desserts. I did what was right for me in order to move forward successfully and was lucky enough to see that indeed what they had sent out into the world ricocheted and came right back to them.

For more information on the topic please feel free to email me at rebecca at dailylifeconsulting dot com.

Good Luck,
RK
Rebecca Kiki Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA
Daily Life Consulting

Goals, Goal Setting, Anxiety, Achievement, Success - Shall I go on?

2008-03-25T08:38:00.000-07:00

Clients are coming in with new ambitions, new ideas, new energy and ready to set and achieve new goals. Great news. Bad news? Thinking it can be done in a flash like everything else we've gotten used to doing with the press of a button or click of a mouse. One problem - we're not computers. So setting goals and achieving them can sometimes feel like it's taking time. Nowadays when things take time people can become frustrated, distracted, impatient. So let's look at this as humans and not machines.

Setting Goals. SETTING GOALS. Setting goals. Goal setting. "I want to set some goals."
"I want to achieve my goals."
"I can't seem to set goals."
"I can't seem to achieve my goals."
Questions and comments I hear all the time.

I have a question. What are goals?
I guess that begs an answer. Hmmmm. Well, goals are or can be;
Exciting
Thrilling
Fun
A pain
An adrenaline inducing concept
Elusive
Confusing
Conflicting
Multiple
Desired
Difficult to achieve
Easy to achieve
Easy to figure out
Difficult to figure out
Difficult to articulate
Easy to articulate
What one is expected to do
What one wants to do
What one needs to do
What society wants
What the family wants
What the soul wants
What the psyche wants
What the intellect wants
What the five senses want

How's that for a start?
Confusing? No kidding.
Maybe the dictionary can help us narrow it down. I went to Dictionary.com and received 10 responses to a request for a definition. Ok, they're confused too.

Some people start their coaching thinking they'd like to achieve x,y or z goal only to find as the coaching progresses that what they thought they wanted isn't actually what they really wanted.

So, if you're feeling confused or not sure, or don't know what you're thinking, or thinking you're not knowing what you're thinking, let me put your mind at ease.
You're not the only one.
You are not alone.
You don't have to do it on your own.
You don't have to have it figured out in one day or one session or one month.
It's an ongoing process that doesn't have to be written in stone.
You can change your mind.
You can have more than one goal.
You can have more than one goal at a time.
You can have multiple and/or conflicting goals.
It's a matter of working through it, figuring it out, getting it clear in your mind and self, taking steps to achieve it/them and overcoming challenges along the way.

You can do it.
You don't have to do it alone.
It can be done.

So now really have a great day your way,
RK

Rebecca Kiki Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA
Daily Life Consulting
rebecca at dailylifeconsulting dot com

Decision Making - Keeping Your Cool - Re:Speed Secrets of a Racing Prodigy

2008-03-19T10:33:00.000-07:00

I love speed racing (to watch, not participate in, although it was a childhood wish of mine to be a race car driver...ah yes...while most little girls were wishing for ballerina slippers I was wishing for race car helmets but that's all for another day...) where was I? Oh yes, that's one of the things that drew me to the article in the WSJ "Speed Secrets of a Racing Prodigy" about Lewis Hamilton. The article describes his racing with F1 which is Europe's Nascar but with some grueling differences.

What I found fascinating was the description of Hamilton's special skill and nerves of steel to "pass by braking - waiting longer than the other driver to hit the brake before entering a turn". The article by Darren Everson continues on to describe how he learned this special skill through preparation for it by working with Kerry Spackman, a neuroscientist employed by Hamilton's team. "Dr. Spackman tries to help drivers improve decision-making by getting them to feel a greater sense of calm." Fantastic!!! I'll say that again because the concept works in most areas of life.

"Dr. Spackman tries to help drivers improve decision-making by getting them to feel a greater sense of calm."

That's one of the goals of our coaching and one of the skills I work with clients on.
Hysteria, anxiety, stress levels, internal and interpersonal conflicts all impede our ability to make the best possible decisions at any given time.

Yes, there are people who make decisions best when under pressure but even under those circumstances they need (or have already) developed a way of maintaining internal calm that allows them to make the best decisions.

There are many ways and techniques of developing a greater sense of calmness when making decisions. Different people respond in different ways, but the goal remains the same. To stay as calm as possible in order to make the best decision possible.

Quick Tip: I worked with one client who just froze when he had to make on-the-spot decisions which was a BIG problem since his work involved many on-the-spot decisions which were crucial to his work. We worked together using a number of techniques but the one that he enjoyed the most and that worked for him was the old egg-timer technique.

I used one of those old-fangled egg-timers and set it in minute and then second increments. He was given a "problem" and had to come up with the answer/solution in the alloted time. At first even the simplest problems were impossible since it was the pressure that caused him to freeze. Eventually the time constraint wasn't a problem an he enjoyed beating the clock to come up with more and more complicated solutions.

Whatever works!

Enjoy the day your way,
RK
Rebecca Kiki Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA (APA)
Daily Life Consulting

Why We're Powerless to Resist Grazing On Endless Web Data - Wall Street Journal (No Comment)

2008-03-13T07:41:00.000-07:00

I so love this article in the Wall Street Journal - Why We're Powerless to Resist Grazing On Endless Web Data by Lee Gomes. For one thing it helps me understand myself and my clients better, for another it helped me decide once and for all to shut the "comments" function on these blogs. Most of you respond via email or during sessions so it never made much sense and now, well, it's just better all around.

What is it about information? I'm an information and knowledge junkie myself. I can't get enough of it. I love learning new things and figuring out solutions of all kinds. (That's now - don't ask about grade school and high school!) The article also points me in the direction of Irving Biederman, a neuroscientist at USC who studies the evolutionary and biological basis of the human need for information. How cool is that?

Quick Coaching Tip: Graze for information but try and control your intake. Don't overload. If you have a tendency to overload on information try and set a time limit for grazing with breaks in between for R&R (that doesn't include knowledge or information absorption!)

Career (Crisis) Short-Term Coaching - Some Info

2008-03-11T09:55:00.000-07:00

Times are tough. That's the reality. It's hitting lots of people either directly or indirectly.

We've been getting lots of calls and emails from clients old and new, from early-career to mid-career to pre-retirement to "should I take the buyout/early retirement incentive?" to boomers to burnouts to layoffs and downsizing to professionals running their own practices to creatives all with issues they want and need to handle, resolve, figure out or strategize. This is the time many people come for some short-term coaching.

What is short-term coaching
Coaching, Guidance and Strategizing for a short period of time.

How long is short-term coaching?
The length of the coaching differs depending on the issues and concerns. It runs from 2 sessions to 8 sessions with different permutations depending on your needs.

* 2 session phone and/or email or face-to-face coaching
* 4 session phone and/or email or face-to-face coaching
* 6 session phone and/or email or face-to-face coaching
* 8 session phone and/or email or face-to-face coaching

Coaching areas include, but are not limited to-
Troubleshooting
Strategizing Options
Layoff/downsizing/early retirement next-step options
Burnout-but-have-to-stick-with-it-for-now management techniques
Executive coaching for dealing with a smaller staff and/or low morale
Productivity issues and incentive strategies for difficult times/situations
Stress management
Time management (especially for those who have to do more with less)

Good luck!
For more information email me at rebecca at dailylifeconsulting dot com
RK

Rebecca Kiki Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA (member APA)
Daily Life Consulting

Putting Ideas To Work - Knowledge Management article - Wall Street Journal + Intro EtherThink Inc.

2008-03-11T07:59:00.000-07:00

Yesterday's Wall Street Journal's Journal Report was about Technology and Knowledge Management. If you haven't read it, do it now. It's full of terrific articles with down to earth information and direction. One article in particular Putting Ideas to Work dovetailed with our Hi-Tech/Hi-Touch EtherThink Inc. which will be rolled out within the next few months. It's an addition and adjunct to our coaching programs for corporations, businesses, professions and individuals.

Basically EtherThink Inc. works with you to ask and answer these Hi-Tech/Hi-Touch questions and more.
How can I best communicate my(corporation/business/entertainment/media/personal) ideas, thoughts and information using the newest technologies?
Who is my audience?
How do they think?
How can I reach them using technology?
How can I translate my information to a technological language and medium?
How can I interact using the technology available?
The challenges of communicating using technology get more complicated as more becomes available.

Using training, education and experience in the Hi-Tech h arena as well as training, education and experience in the Hi-Touch areas of human development, education, mental health, psychology, educational programming and more EtherThink Inc. will assist you to combine, coordinate, translate and create ways of communicating using the latest technologies to reach your very human audience.

Is there information you'd like to transmit and for others to receive technologically? Information, entertainment, personal communication, educational or medical information, no matter what the information is there's a human at the end of the line. Who that human audience is, how they think, how they absorb and retain information, what are the best ways to reach them, what technologies are they using or will be in the future? EtherThink Inc. has been providing the service for educational, government, entertainment and media corporations for over a decade.

EtherThink Inc. is for you if you are a corporation, institution, educational institution, entertainment conglomerate, medical institution or private practitioner, art institution, parent, teacher, counselor, artist, writer or anyone who deals with those strangest of species...Humans.

We've been doing "Tech-Translation" projects for over a decade since the very dawn of the Internet (in caps) and we were trained by some of the creators and inventors of the medium itself. We were knee deep in it when no one even knew what it was. It was an odd time, imagine back in the early-mid '90s telling people they'd be shopping, communicating, entertaining themselves and more on their PCs and other even more portable devices. Yah. You get the picture - people were polite in that "there, there" kind of way.

We've consulted and developed people-friendly government, education, corporate, entertainment and media enterprises. We've "translated" some of the most difficult concepts to easy to understand information for individuals, professions and companies of all kinds. It's a part of the work we do. EtherThink Inc. is a way of articulating it, organizing it and making it an additional possibility for any of your technological needs.

EtherThink Inc. also works with individuals and media to develop content for children and young adults and to assist parents and others working with children to understand and bridge the digital divide with them. For more information on that area read yesterday's DailyLifeCoaching4Kids post.

Keep an electronic eye out for more information about EtherThink Inc.
For more information about EtherThink please contact me at rebecca at dailylifeconsulting dot com or Jill Evans at gtkgroup dot com

Rebecca Kiki Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA (member APA)

Introducing ME FIRST COACHING (c)

2008-03-10T09:12:00.000-07:00

It's here! It's here! Finally after years of research, projects, workshops, seminars, lectures, one-to-one coaching, group coaching, surveys and client input...
ME FIRST Coaching(c).

What is it?
ME FIRST COACHING(c) is a coaching system that enables you to assess your goals and attain them using the methods that work best for you.

What does ME FIRST COACHING (c)mean?
ME FIRST COACHING(c) is a coaching system that allows you to explore, identify and manage your options, set goals, strategize methods to achieve your goals. It also provides coaching and support to help you maintain and become comfortable with your new life.

What does ME FIRST (c) stand for?
It's an anacronym for Meaning, Expectations, Fun, Intellect, Reality, Satisfaction and Temperament.

Why ME FIRST(c)? You know when you're taking a flight and they give the demonstrations about what you need to do when putting on oxygen masks? They always say that people travelling with children should put on their own oxygen masks before putting it on the children. Why? Because if you run out of oxygen and pass out (or worse) you're certainly not going to be of any use to yourself the person/people you're travelling with.

It's the same thing in life down here. If you aren't taking care of yourself and you're "choking" on the things you're doing and not getting enough oxygen/strength/stamina/energy into your system, you won't be there for yourself or the people who need you.

Taking care of yourself and knowing what that means to you professionally, educationally and personally is a very generous thing to do for yourself and those you live and work with. Who can use ME FIRST COACHING(c)?
Anyone who wants to make a positive change in their lives.

How does ME FIRST COACHING(c)work?
ME FIRST COACHING(c) can be done through personal coaching, online coaching, group coaching or independent coaching. (The ME FIRST COACHING(c)workbook will be available soon.)

Where can I get information about ME FIRST COACHING(c)?
For more information contact me at rebecca at dailylifeconsulting dot com or Jill Evans (for corporate coaching and lectures) at jill at gtkgroup dot com

Learn how to enjoy the day your way,
RK

"But I'm Tooooooo OOOOOld" - Age is Subjective - Remembering Raime

2008-03-06T10:15:00.000-08:00

I work with people of all ages. I mean all ages. DailyLifeCoaching4Kids is geared toward children Pre-K - 3rd grade and their parents. Daily Life Consulting clients range in age from College age through pre and post-retirement age. My professor/mentor Dr. Sackler who is an unbelievable role model is a psychoanalyst who continues to work at 90 at a profession she began studying and training for in her mid 50s, after a very successful first career as a Biogeneticist. So when clients say things like "I'm too old to start over" or "I would feel so old going back to school again" or "I'm too old to be thinking of that career, it's a dream I gave up long ago" I say "THINK AGAIN!". I truly believe you're never "too old" to start living the life you want to live.

Age is relative, it's subjective in that no one knows how long they've got. So every day is precious. The insurance charts may say that x is young and z is old but it all depends on a person's life span. Some people die young and some people live a long time.

I always think of that concept on March 6th when I think of a conversation about age that I had with Raime who was 20 at the time. The year is 1996, I'm in Silicon Alley and it's the pioneer days of the internet. We're at the beginning of something so exciting and unbelievable. It's clear to all of us how the world and our lives are about to change but most people look at us like we just landed from Mars. I'm freaking out about my birthday which is coming up in a couple of months. I'm saying the same kinds of things clients say to me now. "Why didn't I do this when I was in college?" "What am I thinking leaving something I've been doing for a couple of years to start something new?" "What am I thinking?" and all the other things you think about when you're shifting from your original plan.

I didn't necessarily think I was too old to be beginning, it was more of a societal female age-ist thing. Raime didn't really get why I was having those thoughts, chronologically it really didn't make any sense for me to be freaking out that way.
Looking back, it certainly didn't make any sense. Looking back and thinking about Raime it certainly didn't make any sense.

Raime was diagnosed with an advanced stage of cancer 2 months later and died a few months after that. She was 21 years old when she died. So at the time I had the conversation with her she was very, very old if you think of age as connected to mortality. Chronologically she was very very young. I think of her often and especially on March 6th. She was a sweet, good girl who died way too young. She was too young and too precious to be old at 21. Raime, you are missed.

So next time you have one of those "but I'm too old" thoughts I suggest that you "SNAP OUT OF IT" to quote one of my favorite movies Moonstruck.

As hokey as it sounds today really is the first day of the rest of your life. It can be the beginning of something new and letting go of the old stuff that just isn't working for the life you want to be leading.

Enjoy the day your way,
RK

Use Your Vote If You Can Vote Today! Vermont’s Outsized Influence

2008-03-04T09:06:00.000-08:00

Ok - so I inform and instruct at times - what can I tell you? I'm a teacher by nature and training. On that note, those of you who are parents, teachers, counselors, coaches, or anyone else who lives or works with children and have asked about Daily Life Coaching 4 Kids - you might find today's post interesting. Check it out at DailyLifeCoaching4Kids.

Also - I must be honest and admit that I put "Vermont’s Outsized Influence" from the WSJ there because I'm from Vermont originally and loved the article title. What can I say? It's been that kind of day today.

Managing Options - The Advantages of Closing a Few Doors - NY Times

2008-02-26T10:31:00.000-08:00

Interesting article The Advantages of Closing a Few Doors in today's New York Times. I like a lot of what it says, don't agree with all of it (my option to disagree) but find that it resonates with a lot of the work I do with clients. We call it "managing options".

It's hard to choose. It's harder in today's world with the vast amount of choices we have for everything and our access to them through media and technology. Barry Schwartz makes some great points on the topic in his book The Paradox of Choice. You can also hear him speak about it here at a TED lecture.

The topic of managing options comes up all the time. Whether it's about managing career options, education options, educational institution options, work-life balance options, executive and management options, transition options (and with Daily Life Coaching 4 Kids it's parenting, behavior, school and skills options).

How to choose? What to choose? Well, the first place we begin is by Finding Focus . When working with clients and groups the first task, which is more complicated and exacting then it sounds, is to find focus. That includes asking and answering questions about life and career directions, goals, outcomes, wishes, dreams, hopes, expectations and realities. Whew!

But (I'll say that again)
BUT the great thing about it is that after you find your personal focus it's so much easier to manage options. It doesn't feel so agonizing to close doors because it's not a matter of shutting out something and other options, as much as freeing up your energy, time, emotions, enthusiasm and willingness to move forward without being tied to the "what ifs" and "maybes". You're able to let go of the magnetic field of maybes and shoulds that keep you tethered to those doors.

If you've found focus and know clearly what you want you can work toward getting it.

So today ask yourself one simple question (I'll ask more later)
What do I want?

Feel free to send me your thoughts, ideas or questions or to find out more about finding your focus by emailing me at rebecca at dailylifeconsulting dot com.

Enjoy the day - your way,
RK

Rebecca Kiki Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA
Daily Life Consulting

Taking Play Seriously - NY Times

2008-02-19T10:55:00.000-08:00

I take play very, very seriously. Seriously seriously.

The NY Times magazine's cover story Taking Play Seriously by Robin Marantz Henig has prompted lots of conversation and questions. My answer to questions I've been getting from parents, educators and others who live and work with children - play on! Let the children play and better yet, play with them.

I won't go into all the educational, psychological, sociological, creative reasons there may be for my reasoning (way too long for a post). During sessions,workshops and classes with adults and children the element that is so glaringly missing from people's lives nowadays is play (with a capital P). I'm not talking about play for show, for someone else's benefit, "play" engaged in in order to talk about it at the watercooler or to post about on facebook, a blog or website. I mean the kind of play that rejuvenates and feeds you. Play for its own sake. Play for your sake. Whatever that is and no matter how old you are.

Think back to when you were a child - what kinds of activities made you breathless with excitement? What made you forget who you were and where you were? What made you feel strong and optimistic? What made you laugh and laugh?

Sure, as you get older your tastes change and fun means different things to you but some of the original elements and feeling states are still there and still exist inside you.

One of the first things I do when working with clients is to explore their loves. Then we work to include and incorporate as many of those elements as possible into their daily lives.

You CAN try this at home to get you started.

1. Answer these questions with the first thoughts that comes into your mind.
What do you love to do?
What adds joy to your life?
Who do you love being around?
What do you love seeing?
What do you love hearing?
What do you love tasting?
What do you love touching?
What do you love knowing?
What makes you feel alive?

2. Now, what can you add to your life today or tomorrow or this week to make your life more playful and enjoyable?

3. Do it.

Play. Have fun. I dare you.
RK

I Find the Confusion Confusing

2008-02-11T08:49:00.000-08:00

Two issues that have been on my mind lately and manifest themselves in odd ways in people's lives, work lives and family lives.

Women, Men and Work. Two interesting articles address the topic. The Wall Street Journal article Top Executives Value Advice From a Spouse; Some Won't Ask for It by Carol Hymowitz discusses different partnership styles among executive couples. The New York Times Op-Ed When Women Rule by Nicholas D. Kristof discusses women leaders and the difficulties they face.

What's the big deal? Why is the issue of women in the workplace, in positions of power, decision makers and leaders such an issue? Why the talk? Debate? The best person for the job should do the job, regardless of gender, race or religion.

I was lucky enough to be raised in a family that was gender-blind when it came to accomplishments and abilities. I didn't even realize I might be subject to "ist" discrimination until grad school when a professor gave us an eye-opening assignment. It never dawned on me that being female might be cause for discrimination in the workplace. Needless to say I've gotten quite an education on that topic...

When I work with clients who have daughters they talk about how they want them to succeed, to be all they can be, to achieve and do great things. Why doesn't this show up in more actions regarding the world and the world of work?

The other issue that has come up often during the last few weeks is Heath Ledger, Depression with a capital "D" and depression with a small "d" as described in a terrific article in Scientific American Mind The Medicated Americans. Celebrities have been coming out of the woodwork and going into rehab in the last few weeks. People have been talking about the kinds of prescription medications they're on and how they've become a bit anxious about overmedicating. People seem more comfortable talking about meds then about getting other kinds of help.

Then there's the very disturbing (yet not surprising to me) research about young children suffering from post 9/11 trauma and PTSD. I hate to be right sometimes and this is one of those times, but after 9/11 when I was working on a joint NYC/NYS citywide Youth Programs initiative this was a major area of concern for me. I asked, suggested, encouraged anyone and everyone to get these children help. I won't even begin to discuss the "they're just children" and denial of the extent of the problem responses that I got - that was when people even wanted to discuss it. Or the shortsightedness about how long the effects of trauma of that sort can last. Last week friends and colleagues were sending me the articles "hey- isn't this what you were talking about way back when??...I remember you saying...." I wish I would have been wrong about this one.

I don't usually discuss issues of this kind here but there are times I just can't let things pass. Silence can be seen as agreement as the old saying goes.

For some odd reason many people walk around thinking that a state of constant happiness and excitement is the norm and any deviation from those feeling states is abnormal. In adults and children. So people run around trying to be happy all the time and quite frankly many of them talk to me about how exhausting that can be. People talk about their original attitudes If you don't deal with something it goes away. People are people, kids are kids, they won't remember, what do they know? They'll get over it. Best case scenario, great. But - what if? Are you willing to take that chance for yourself and the people you care about?

When working with clients one of the areas we work on is becoming able to handle the not-so-much-fun-exciting-terrific times that are an inevitable part of daily life, and live in general. Again, clients with children find that educating their children to be prepared to deal with setbacks enables them to be the best people they can be.

So be brave about what's bugging you. What gives you pause. What keeps you up at night. About the future you want for yourself and those you care about. Next, do something about it in a healthy, productive and constructive way.

Enjoy the day your way,
RK

THE GIANTS!!!! + What We Can Learning By Standing on the Shoulders of Giants

2008-02-05T08:54:00.000-08:00

Was that a game? I mean was that a game or what???? It may actually have been one of the best games - ever? - and certainly one of the biggest surprise/upsets in NY sports history. It was nailbiting, adrenaline rushing, fun, exciting, hold-your-breath-until-the-last-second (literally). By the way was that the loooooooooongest second in sports history or what?

I've always been fascinated by the way that sports coaches get their teams to do their best. To win, to learn from defeat, to change and get better. I've read countless of tomes written by coaches and learn from their books, interviews and anything else they have to say on the matter. I think they're a great way to learn about how to handle daily life work and career issues. There's always something to be learned about how to set goals, how to train for the long and short term rewards, how to plan and how to get ahead.

This game was amazing. Here was a team who had a perfect streak, the Patriots, - but not perfect if they didn't win the Superbowl.... (a quick note - I do not mean to be disloyal to New England where I was born but as an almost life-long NY'er my loyalties are here.)Then there was the team that people didn't think were going to make it, the Giants. Did they listen? No. Did they let it get to them? No. Did they go out there and give it EVERYTHING they had? Yes. Did they beat expectations? YES. Did they win? YES. Are we giving them a great parade in the Canyon of Heroes? YES. Do they deserve it? YES. (Ok - I'll take my pom-poms off now and get back to the coaching aspect.)

My sister Rachel C. Weingarten(http://www.careerandcorporatecool.com) is an amazing author and marketing and pop-culture expert and she had some great things to say about the game and the coaching strategy and how it can be a great metaphor for anyone. In an article about Tom Coughlin's Management style
she talks about the beauty, brilliance and down-to-earth smarts of the strategy

"Furthermore, Coughlin and the Giants also did not repeat the errors that beat them in previous playoff games, said Rachel Weingarten, author of "Career and Corporate Cool."

"The Giants were a marvel in learning from past mistakes, particularly Manning and Coughlin, and not allowing popular opinion or predictions to sway their determination to win," she said.

Smart words about a smart coach and great team. It's never too late to change your tactics and remember to trust yourself and what you know you can do.

(If you're in NYC - go out and cheer our team on at the parade which is today at 11:00am)

Enjoy the day your way,
RK

Mid-Career Changes as Opportunity - Whether the Change is by Choice or Circumstance - 6P Coaching

2008-01-28T12:18:00.000-08:00

It's tough to write about tough topics but tough times call for tough measures and let's see how many times I can use the word "tough" in one sentence...

I've been working with people who are in transition in their work lives. Some are doing this by choice and some are doing it because of circumstances they didn't choose. Call it anything you like but downsizing, lay-offs, restructuring and all the other words for it means that there are people who were used to doing one thing every day and suddenly they're not doing it anymore. Along with that can go a loss of financial and emotional security, sense of self-esteem and work ego. It all can bring up lots and lots of issues but the emotional impact can be lessened, and a sense of empowerment and potential attained if it's approached and dealt with in a proactive and positive way.

Transition Coaching and Mid-Career Coaching can be one of the most liberating and wonderful experiences of people's lives, even if they came to it under circumstances that weren't of their own choosing.

Jed G. got downsized from a job in a career that he'd been despising for the last couple of years. He was bored of the work, he didn't like the CEO of the company who was the person he reported to, he worked too many hours for his own liking and there were facets of his working personality that he'd wanted to explore but had never taken the time or opportunity to do so. Then he got downsized.

I'd worked with Jed a couple of years ago on some training programs for his team and company and throughout the years he'd called me in to do some short term coaching for his employees for team-building, stress-management, conflict resolution and project management so I was familiar with his work situation and the work style that he was used to.

Things were different now. First we had to work through the shock and all the other emotions that came along with his downsizing. Although he was lucky in that he received a good severance package he could not believe that this had happened to him. He'd been working for over 25 years, working his way up the corporate ladder and he was in total shock. Part 1.

After working through some of the initial issues brought on by the downsizing and keeping in mind that it's a process that goes through different emotional phases we began the work of looking at a new and different future for Jed.

"How do I know what I want to do? I've been doing the same thing for so many years I don't know what I want anymore. I wanted relief, and I got it but not the way I wanted it." That was what he said when we first started.

Enter 6P Coaching. (There are 7 steps but we'll focus on the first 6 for now).
For those of you who wanted to know some of the elements of rediscovering yourselves, you can try this at home and let me know how it goes. I use the system with clients all the time and it's a great tool. It allows people to articulate their likes and dislikes, to examine what's been working and what hasn't and to look toward the future in a new way. Whether they were actively seeking out a different and new future or whether life chose a new one for them.

1. Materials:

Use any organizational method that works for you. This can be a tactile exercise or an intellectual and technological one or a combination of all three, whatever works best for you.
I usually recommend file folders for the tactile part since it includes components like pictures, articles, ads, sometimes even food wrappers! Anything that conjures up a thought, like or dislike. Computerized systems also work for files and information.

2. The areas will be called
Priorities
Passions
Preferences
Perks
Promotions
We'll also add one called Passes which will contain anything that you DON'T want. Think of this as an Ugh, No Way, Never-In-A-Million-Years, or Don't-Even-Get-Me-Started folder. Anything that works for you to describe what you DON'T want.

3. Now Go! Write down and collect as many things as you can think of for each area. Fill the folders with words, pictures, songs, thoughts, anything that comes to mind. You can use magazines or newspaper articles, book reviews, movies. Look through trade magazines. If you see a movie or book ad or lecture series, anything can be relevant make a note of it or clip the reviews or outlines of any that resonate with you in one of the above ways.

4. Put it into the appropriate folder. For example; a place, or a feeling you'd like to have at a work situation, a skill you'd like to have, or something that you absolutely wouldn't want. A work situation or supervisor you read about. A work environment that you hear about or imagine.

What you're doing is articulating what works for you. If we were to do it in person or together we'd review and discuss the choices and analyze the patterns. Then the work of exploring new possibilities begins.

Combining this information with information we gather through the TIERS(c) (Temperament, Intellect, Expectations, Reality, Satisfaction) Coaching process we develop a solid picture with lots of information on what will work for you and sustain you professionally, financially, intellectually and emotionally as you move ahead to a new phase of your professional life. We then explore which possibilities will work and move ahead to get and achieve them.

In Jed's case he's always wanted to start a Non-Profit organization relating to a disability that his daughter has. We're working together to make that a reality for him.

Jed's initial reactions and experience of shock, dismay, fears, loss of self-esteem and sense of identity "this is who I've been for the last 27 years - who am I now?" have turned around and Jed said last week what I hear all the time from clients who have gone through the experience and worked their way through it "I never in a million years would have believed that I would think of being downsized as the best thing that could have ever happened to me!"

Good luck with the Priorities, Passions, Preferences, Perks, Promotions and Passes(c). If you have any questions or would like to send me some of your thoughts please feel free - I always love hearing from you.

Change is inevitable. Make the right changes for you.

Enjoy the day,
Rebecca "Kiki"

Weingarten's Theory of Readiness - When? How? Best Way To?

2008-01-22T08:53:00.000-08:00

This post has been deleted as the copyright protected content has been used without permission or compensation.

Transitions and Tolerating

2008-01-21T07:30:00.000-08:00

This post really is in answer to questions I've gotten over the last week regarding the mid-life crisis article post, the falling down professions post and the phrase I used in the Barnes and Noble post about tolerating negative feelings. They're all connected so I'll just dive right in.

Here are some of the questions -
"When is the right time to make a transition?"
"Am I too old/young to be feeling this way?"
"Am I too old/young to be making a career transition?" "HOW can I make the transition? It feels too difficult."
"I'm in the midst of making changes but having trouble dealing with my feelings about it, I'm not sure, I can't take the reactions of the people around me, I don't want to hurt anyone else by my actions."
"Maybe I AM a cliche but am I supposed to sacrifice myself and the rest of my life in order to keep on living the way I have and hating my career, life situations?"
"I'm in a career that I hate and would like to make a change but I need to keep working while I do it, it's getting harder and harder to get up in the morning..."
"Why do I feel guilty putting myself first and making a change that will make my life better?"
"What do you mean by 'tolerating negative feelings'"?
"What causes burnout or the desire for a change? Are there things that are 'normal' and those that are just silly and unrealistic?

I don't think anyone is ever "too old" or "too young" to be making a transition. If somehow one finds oneself in the wrong career or profession why wait any longer? Why spend any more time doing something you don't want to be doing and that is impacting negatively on your life? Here are a couple of examples of how the need and desire for a change can surface at any age. Clients who are making transitions in their
20s, 30s, 40s, 50s,60s, and yes - 70s, and an inspiring story from my 90 year old mentor who is still working!

T.N. is 28 and on the corporate track. He had it all planned out and was living out his plans. College, Grad School, a few years in the corporate world then on for an MBA which would lead him to the position that he wanted. All seemed to be going well on the surface, T and I began working together when he was researching MBA programs and realized that the life he thought he wanted was not actually the one he wants. What now? What next?

J.S. is 36 and a successful attorney. She recently had her first baby and took a 6 month maternity leave. She and her husband had agreed that she would go back to work after the 6 months since she's the primary earner in the family. She's ready to go back to work but her husband thinks she should take more time off to stay home with the baby. J.S. and I are working on different ways for her to work full time but spend some of that time at home as a compromise since she does want to spend more time with the baby than she thought she would when she was first planning her maternity leave.

A.D. is a 48 year old doctor with a thriving practice. A workaholic since high school, his studies and work served as a haven for him. He loves study, he loves work, he teaches at a teaching hospital and loves the interaction with the med students. During difficult times in his personal life his work was a way of getting away from all of it. He was able to concentrate fully on the needs of his patients and the work he loved. But during the last couple of years since his divorce he's found that his work doesn't provide him with the haven-like feelings it did. He wants more of a "life" for himself and that's causing him to feel more resentful at work.

H.B. is a 54 year old filmmaker. She loves her work but has been feeling and putting up with the age-ism and sexism in her industry for too long. It's making her hate the work atmosphere she finds herself in and resentful of her some of her colleagues and the system in a way that is impeding her ability to be creative and work.

V.L. is a 56 year old woman who is retiring from a career as a teacher. She wants to continue working in some area but not sure what or how.

B.R. at 64 was a successful business owner for most of his working life. It included working "all the time" and not spending as much time as he wanted to doing "the things I love" but now he's not even sure of what those things are anymore. He wants a working retirement but isn't sure how to structure it or how to fill the extra time he'll have.

T.D. is in his mid 70s and has been retired for a couple of years. He's gotten his second wind and decided he wants to become technologically savvy, use the internet and possibly write a blog/book about his life.

Then there's my 90 year old mentor/professor who told me last week about the new patients she's started working with! Yes. You heard that right.

Are any of these situations easy? No. Do they bring up uncomfortable feelings during the process of deciding to make a change and while making the change? Yes.

When it comes to feelings, let's face the fact that we all have them all the time. We like some and chase experiences that allow us to feel them. We dislike others and try and mostly try and avoid circumstances that will bring them up.

The point is to acknowledge the discomfort and not let it dictate the choices you make. If you're feeling uncomfortable about making a change or the process required to do it the point isn't to say "this isn't the right thing for me". The objective is to be aware of it, figure out what's causing it and make decisions based on what's best for your future and the future you want to have.

That means tolerating some negative feelings. They're just feelings. They're not in charge. You are. They can be a useful tool. You can include them to figure out what's working and not working. What you want and what you don't want. Which techniques work for you and which don't. Which changes work for you and which don't.

So when you're thinking of making a change.
* The first step is to work through what the right change will be for you NO MATTER HOW OLD you are.
* Then ask yourself what you're willing to do and feel in order to get it.

Enjoy the day,
RK

What's Gotten Into Kids These Days? Wall Street Journal

2008-01-17T07:34:00.000-08:00

A quick note for those of you who are parents of young children. Clients often deal with these issues and I wanted to direct you to a post about the issue that I posted at Daily Life Coaching 4 Kids.

Enjoy the day,
RK

Crisis? Maybe He’s a Narcissistic Jerk - NY Times

2008-01-16T07:09:00.000-08:00

Crisis? Maybe He’s a Narcissistic Jerk By RICHARD A. FRIEDMAN, M.D.
January 15, 2008

This article about the male mid-life crisis sure got everyone going yesterday! People wanted to know if this was them, their husband, their ex-husband or their future selves, husband, ex-husband and on and on. Is that why they're making a change? Planning a career change? Working on Work/Life Symmetry and Balance issues? Working on a transition from one lifestyle to another? Trying to change their workaholic ways? Working on stress management? Time management? Trying to Find Focus? It was a Rorschach test and everyone was taking it.

Here are a couple of quick thoughts and answers to some questions.

When you're making your first career decision as a young adult you often don't have all the information you need to make the best one to fit your life, temperament and your expectations can be wildly different than the reality of the work lifestyle. (All the things we work on in TIERS(c) coaching). Somehow you get pulled in and due to different kinds of obligations, societal pressures, momentum you end up staying there. You put up with it and you put up with it even if you don't like it and it isn't working for you until -

Dr. Friedman made a good point that often the change is made based on life circumstances and not only age. Very true.

Some of my clients are men (and women) in their 40s and 50s who are changing their lives. Age plays a role as the article describes.

It's always a good time to change your life for the better, whatever the prompts are. Life is too short and too precious not to be doing the things you want to and living the life you want to live, especially if there are things that you have it in your power to change for the better.

FYI - Dr. Friedman does say that he's 51....hmmmmm....

Enjoy the day - really!
Rebecca "Kiki"

Barnes and Noble Finding Focus/Writing Workshop - Coaching Tips

2008-01-15T16:57:00.000-08:00

The most powerful concept that came out of yesterday's workshop was the one that is probably one of the most difficult to do. How to continue writing when the feelings that can come up during the writing feel too uncomfortable? Overwhelming? Unpleasant?

People were asking for ways to avoid having that experience but I believe that in writing, as in life, the best thing to do is to learn how to tolerate the feelings. How to be with them in order to continue.

There are times that the material you're working on is bringing up too many uncomfortable feelings. The impulse and desire to stop is overwhelming but often working with those feelings and using them in your writing can create some of your most powerful and surprising writing.

Thanks all, it was a great group with outstanding thoughts and ideas.

TIERS(c) Coaching - Finding Focus Coaching - Questions Answered...

2008-01-15T10:01:00.000-08:00

I'm often asked about how I developed the TIERS(c) Coaching System and some of the other programs that I've developed and use.

Other questions that I've gotten from many of you since the last couple of postings are about the terms "multi-disciplinary" and "inter-disciplinary". Some others often asked questions are about your lives, work and work/life and how to find a symmetry and balance that will make them both pleasurable, meaningful, integrated and successful. (Other questions as to time and methods I'll answer in a later post.)

I'll try and answer the questions briefly here since they are all connected. The "long answer" is pretty long so I'll leave that for another time.
Here goes. Mostly it's about a search which has led me to some terrific knowledge, experiences and still continues....this section focuses on my studies and on work since I was doing both at the same time.

Once upon a time in a burg named Brooklyn there lived a girl (originally from Bennington, VT.) who had just started college and was majoring in Education and Psychology (Disciplines 1 and 2 in the multidisciplinary topic). She had always wanted to be a teacher and also loved psychology. She believed that in order to really reach students and people and help them to learn and live the best way they can, you had to understand them as best as you could. (FYI she had originally wanted to major in English but was so traumatized by her English 1 professor that she changed majors to the other two subjects - never fear she came back to writing and English later in grad school.)

On and on. School. Work. School and Work at the same time. Grad school -
Ok - I have to stop myself here because the "short answer" is starting to look a whole lot like a very very long answer (I actually just took out 2 paragraphs - I guess that writing workshop last night really got me going....)

Long story short.
The disciplines in "Multidisciplinary" as far as areas of study are Education, Psychology, Guidance, Counseling, Writing, English, Psychotherapy and Analysis, Administration and Supervision, Creativity and most recently the Neuropsychobiology of feelings, emotions and behavior. (Yes, I love to study but only after a very illustrious history as a mediocre student (and sometime behavior problem) up to and including my senior year in college...)

Throughout my work experience as an Educator, Program Developer and Trainer (for NYC,CUNY and others), Counselor, Coach, Web Pioneer, Director of Integration and Coordination of Youth Services for NYC/NYS, Writer, Playwright (and some more that I can't think of right now)I've always combined my knowledge and training and allowed one area to inform the others. Hence the Interdisciplinary.

I'm Ok with having two opposing opinions and feelings about the same topic. I'm ok with exploring and developing new ways of tackling old problems. I believe that it's imperative that we become more interdisciplinary in many areas of our education and work lives.

So. The TIERS(c)(Temperament, Intellect, Expectation, Reality, Satisfaction) Coaching and Finding Focus Coaching and all the other programs and methodologies are an outgrowth of this search.

The answers to the question I often ask "How can I best assist people in achieving their desires and potential and to actually find out what those are".

Hope this answers some of your questions.

Keep sending emails and questions. I love hearing from you.

Enjoy your day,
Rebecca "Kiki"

Barnes and Noble Finding Focus/Writing Workshop

2008-01-14T08:33:00.000-08:00

The Barnes and Noble Finding Focus/Writing Workshop is tonight at 7:00pm (Brooklyn Heights Barnes and Noble).

Some questions that I've gotten that I'll be addressing this evening include -
* What if you want to write something but when you sit down to write you end up writing this other thing?
* Could you talk more about 'wanting to write the best thing you can, and wanting to get the story out?'
* Some techniques for automatic writing?
* Identifying - and dumping - your inner critic/s (especially during a first draft).
* Creating compelling characters.
* "Why do I sometimes find myself hating my characters?" and
* What to do when you start hating the characters you've created.

It should be terrific - see you then!
RK

A Welcoming Note - General Info and Answers to Questions

2008-01-10T11:06:00.000-08:00

Hi to all and thanks for your emails, thoughts and questions!

During the last couple of weeks I've gotten an unprecendented amount of emails from many of you as well as visitors to the blog. Some of you I know as clients, workshop and seminar attendees or professional colleagues. Some of you are people I'm hearing from for the first time who've found me and the blog through a friend, article, the internet or just luck! So I just want to take a moment to say "hi" and tell you about Kick Start Self Coaching (http://kickstartselfcoaching.blogspot.com)

The blog originally started as a way for me to communicate with my clients. To answer questions that I've gotten from clients, workshop and seminar participants and others regarding issues that have come up, articles that I read that I think would be interesting and/or helpful. Some clients like to have contact between sessions and this was a way for them to "check in" and see what's going on besides their personal contact.

To the people who haven't yet met me it sounds like I can't possibly do all of these things but those who know me know that as annoying as that may make me sometimes(to some), I do. Simply, since I am interdisciplinary and multidisciplinary by training and experience (and temperament)in Education, Guidance and Counseling, Education and Government Program Development and Training, Mental Health, Writing, Drama, Creativity and Community Building and Organizing in Youth Development and Integration (a short bio is at http://www.dailylifeconsulting.com/kiki1.html) coaching areas include -
Transitions
Careers
Education
Work/Life Balance
Time Management/Stress Management
Burnout

On the Creativity front they include -
Writing
Writing Blocks
Unlocking Creative Blocks
Creativity Coaching
and Storytelling (character analysis, story analysis, script and story coaching and doctoring).

On the program front they include -
Finding Focus
Finding Focus/Career
Finding Focus/Career Transitions.
Finding Focus/Writing
Finding Focus/Creativity
Work/Life Symmetry
TIERS(c)Coaching (Temperament, Intellect, Expectations, Reality, Satisfaction
Work/Life Symmetry

The Daily Life Coaching 4 Kids http://dailylifecoaching4kids.blogspot.com and Running Snail Educational Consulting and Edutainment are pretty much what they sound like based on my education, training and experience in teaching,developing, creating and implementing programs and entertainment/edutainment for children.

Having said that, this week I got a lot of responses to the posts about the Falling Down Professions article in the NY Times and it's been great hearing from all of you. I have been thinking through program ideas directed specifically to these two professions - doctors and lawyers - and will keep you posted but in the meantime Transition Coaching or Burnout Coaching are two great options for you.

Meanwhile, keep your email questions and comments coming - I'm always happy and interested to hear from you. I'll answer them in as timely a manner as possible. During the week you can expect a 1-2 day response time, over the weekend it would be a longer response time - but I will answer.

Having said all that
No, I don't do it all at once.
No it didn't happen in an instant.
Yes. I love it. All the topics at different times.
Yes. It takes planning and training and being able to integrate and separate different areas.
Yes. I love hearing from you.
No. My current area of study is actually in a different, although related field.
Yes. I intend to keep on keepin' on.
And like I always tell people - so much of what I needed to know about coaching I learned by teaching first grade (not to mention non-english speaking immigrant first-graders). You take it one step at a time. You keep on trying until you get it right. You build from one experience to another and add to your knowledge bank. You ask lots of questions. You try new things. You fail. You try again. Then you start again with something else. You grow and you learn. You learn as you grow and you grow as you learn.

Have a great day,
Rebecca Kiki

The Falling Down Professions - Quick Tips

2008-01-09T07:42:00.000-08:00

Ok - quick and dirty - here's the deal. Most of you who have written and spoken to me about being in one of the "falling down professions" want relief NOW. TODAY. YESTERDAY. LAST WEEK/MONTH/YEAR/ DECADE?.
Each situation is different but first - don't do anything drastic. It takes time to figure out what you want, what to change and how to change it. The change that's right for your friend who emailed the article to you and who you've been complaining to for the last ______ might not be the right change for you.

Start by thinking about what it is that you would like. Sounds simple. It is but it's also complicated.

Now, to get relief immediately begin incorporating pleasure into your daily life. Sounds simple. It can be. Think of the things that make you smile, laugh, feel a bit more relaxed, a bit less tense. It can be physical activity, it can be intellectual stimulation, a vacation day or hour, a walk in the park, a spa day, a skiing trip, a weekend in a warm climate, whatever works for you.

This allows you to feel better about your daily life and gives you more energy to think and plan for a better future.

What will you do today? What will you plan for tomorrow? One tiny thing at a time can make a big difference.
RK

The Falling Down Professions - NY Times - Follow- Up - Whoa!

2008-01-08T18:50:00.000-08:00

Ok - I have gotten responses to posts but I must say that this was unbelievable. I've gotten so many emails with so many questions about coaching for this issue that I'm thinking about how to approach this issue in particular and perhaps developing aprogram especially for people in these two professions. Give me some time. The wheels are turning.....

In general I will say "yes" and "no" and "but" to all your questions and concerns.

YES!!!!!!!! You can make a change at any time of your professional life. YES you can have a rewarding, satisfying and enjoyable life starting now. YES you can make smaller changes while you make the big changes so that your daily life feels more comfortable and you liberate some of your energy, new ambitions and desires. Yes to a lot more....

NO. It doesn't mean it will be very, very easy or without any emotional or psychological conflict. There are sometimes conflicting feelings about whether to leave, why to leave, alternative career paths, familial, social and societal expectations to deal with. There are the whys and wherefores and the nitty gritty of making the change and the difficulties that sometimes come up.

BUT. You're not alone. I love working with clients through transitions. Having gone through them myself I know the difficulties that can come up. I know the issues. I also know how to work through them. I know how to guide, assist and support you in making the right change for you. It is my great pleasure to work with people and see them go on to shine in their chosen field and positions.

If I haven't answered you personally yet, I will do so within the next day or so.
Meanwhile, many of the email questions which I cannot and would not share here sounded much like that of James which he posted and which I've included here.

James asked - Is there really a way of transitioning from one of those professions? I've spent almost 20 years hating every day of it but having put all the energy and time into it, not to mention the financial rewards I'm not sure what the answer is.

Rebecca "Kiki" Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA said...

Hi James,

Ok - not to make light of your question but have you spent the 20 years putting the energy into hating it - or into doing it? Hmmmm.

The financial rewards make it very very seductive and rewarding and therefore harder to make a change.

Now for an answer - yes it is possible to transition and you can transition while retaining some of the elements that are rewarding and positive. No need to throw away what you've done and achieved. You use the best parts of it and take them with you.

I don't have enough information about you or your situation to say more. If you'd like to email me some of the info or a question or to continue this conversation please feel free to email me at rebecca at dailylifeconsulting dot com

Good luck and try and enjoy whatever you can of the day,
RK

Hang in there everyone! You can make the change. I know it. I'm rooting for you!
Rebecca Kiki

Neuroeconomics - Decision Making and the Brain

2008-01-08T07:17:00.000-08:00

Neuroeconomics
Decision Making and the Brain Symposium at NYU (New York University) January 11-13 organized by the NYU Center for Neural Studies.

One of my heroes, Antonio D'Amasio, will be presenting on Friday, January 11th. If you're in the NY area and are interested in the topic you can get more information here.

The Falling-Down Professions - NY Times

2008-01-07T06:41:00.000-08:00

The Falling-Down Professions by Alex Williams - great article. Doctors and lawyers that I work with are so conflicted by the different feelings they have about their work and the way it impacts their lives. Especially since they've devoted so much time and energy to becoming good/great at their professions and are highly driven and motivated. What now? What next? Am I losing the meaningful part of the work that I wanted? What sacrifices have I had to make personally and was it worth it? Can I change direction and lifestyle now? How can I change my lifestyle? How can I transition to a different way of working, living and possibly a different career track in the same field.

Williams describes the professions and the work world and how it's changed and with it changed people's attitudes. He also makes some terrific points about students attitudes to the work and careers. I come across it all the time with the college, graduate and post-graduate students I work with.

FYI - it's never too late to make a change. Your future is in front of you.
RK

You Know More Than You Know You Know

2008-01-03T15:13:00.000-08:00

You know more than you know you know. There it is in a nutshell. A new way of looking at yourself in 2008. It's an interesting issue that comes up often with clients as a result of a gap between personal strengths and abilities, and self-knowledge of those strengths and abilities.

For example, S.K. is working on an early transition plan. He's planning on retiring from his current position while still in his 40s and and knows that he has no intention of just "sitting around". During the course of our work one of the areas he's been exploring is what he might enjoy and what he might be well suited for. Sam has worked in finance for over 25 years and today he said "but what do I
know? I've only done this one thing my whole working life. What else would I know how to do?". What else? If you met Sam you'd be amazed at his knowledge, skills and areas of expertise but to him it's "just what I do".

T.V. is a graduate student finishing her studies in Psychology. For T. the question to answer is how does her interest in psychology translate into every day life and work? We've been working through her areas of expertise and interest and today reviewed a chart that she made of all of them. She was amazed at the things she knows and what she's able to do. To Thea it's "just what I do".

I was interviewed for an article by J. and when I pointed out all the elements that went into the interview and all the things he had to know how to do in order to get that interview going and completed, he was amazed. To Joe it was "just what I do."

I did it myself. I was interviewed by G. for an article she's writing and she commented on an online Q&A session that I'd done for a group she belongs to. She said the nicest things (thanks G!) and then said that she'd been really amazed by my ability to go from one topic to another and deal with different issues in different areas. I was speechless(not a usual occurrence) simply because I hadn't thought of it that way. I know that I'm multidisciplinary and use information from all areas for the different work I do so to me it was "just what I do."

What do you just do?

Here's a quick exercise I often use with clients to help them become aware of the multitude of skills, abilities, areas of expertise, tips and shortcuts they have and know but don't realize on a daily life basis because by now it's so routine, so familiar, so comfortable that it's "just what they do."

Materials - writing instruments, your memory, your day planner if you need it.

What to do-
1. Think back on your day. No pressure, no right or wrong answers. Just what you did.
2. Write down everything. If you started the day with exercise, or meditation, or breakfast, or getting the kids out on time, or trying an alternate route because there was traffic on your usual route.
3. Write down what you did for work or school (if school is in session or if you're working on a project).

This part requires a bit of analyzing and identifying of the above.

4. Describe what you did in order to complete #s 2 and 3 above.

For example, S.K. started off by reading the Wall Street Journal as he ran on the treadmill and mentally prepared for the conference call that was going to happen next week that he had to have information for, as well as a business lunch with the CEO of a company a client of his was interested in. Now to Sam that might be "just what I do" but to me it sounded like a lot of skill and knowledge went into that "just what I do". S.K. might do it but he wasn't aware of the things he knew that he knew in order to "just do it." (How much fun was that sentence?) So S.K.'s list included planning ahead, multitasking, researching, delegating tasks, intellectual planning of questions, training in computation, calculation and analyzing, negotiating skills and techniques and more. All traits and skills that can be transferred and used in many ways.

What did you do today?
What strengths, abilities, knowledge and training went into accomplishing them?
Break it down into the smallest pieces that you can. You'll be amazed at what you know how to do.

When it comes to transitions a favorite quote of mine "Begin from where you are. There is no where else." (I hate not to attribute things to the person who said them but I was sure it was Rainer Maria Rilke but can't find confirmation online so I'll keep looking and attribute it another time.)

I'll add to that to embrace and acknowledge who you are where you are. What it took to get there. What you know as a result of where you are and how you can take it and use it in your new future.

You know more than you know. Amaze yourself!
RK

The New Year’s Cocktail: Regret With a Dash of Bitters - NY Times

2008-01-01T10:16:00.000-08:00

Happy 2008 everyone! No, I'm not sure what I'm doing in front of the computer this morning...but this article is the perfect antidote to New Year's Day. The New Year’s Cocktail: Regret With a Dash of Bitters By BENEDICT CAREY

Love it. Some interesting insights about how to look at one's life and choices. Enjoy and we'll talk more tomorrow when it's not so, so, so New Year's Day-ish.
RK

Wishing You All a Successful and Astounding 2008!

2007-12-31T07:55:00.000-08:00

Wishing everyone a healthy, happy, successful and astounding 2008! Clients are always talking about being "successful". "I want to be successful", "I don't feel like I'm a success", "how can I be more successful". It's one of those words that people use all the time nowadays in different ways. Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote one of my favorite descriptions of success.

"To laugh often and much, to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children, to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends, to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others, to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch....to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded!" Ralph Waldo Emerson

And of course my favorite quote this season is by Thomas Alva Edison.

"If we did the things we are capable of, we would astound ourselves." Thomas Alva Edison

Wishing you all a successful and astounding year!
Rebecca "Kiki"

Barnes and Noble Finding Focus/Writing Workshop + Juno

2007-12-27T08:51:00.000-08:00

The next Barnes and Noble Finding Focus/Writing Workshop will be on January 15th at 7:00pm. Bring your thoughts, projects, blocks, gripes, friends and anything else you'd like. The last one was terrific and honestly each one is so full of information, insights, tips and motivation that I'm blown away by it each and every time. If you have any questions or challenges you'd like me to cover please email them to me before the 14th and I'll see how I can work it in.

Now for those of you who've been missing your fix and asking for movie and book recs for the holidays, here's the story (no pun intended). I haven't seen that much lately and my reading material this last month has been gorging on magazines while getting ready for the next batch of texts I have to read come January-ish. (Cinema Editor, Animation, Moviemaker, Scientific American Mind, Esquire(it's the What I Learned issue) and Outside are all great this month. Of course there's always the usual suspects as far as women's mags, fashion mags and of course the Brit rags...)

As for movies, I loved Juno and would definitely put that on my list. I'm probably going to see it again to analyze how the filmmakers did it. What's the big deal? Well, one of the hazards of the profession as a creative writer and being trained in any medium is that you tend to have a hard time just being an observer or consumer of it. (Believe me you haven't lived until you've gone to the movies with a filmmaker and had to sit in the front row so you could FEEL each cut. The memory of it still makes my neck ache and it's been years.)

I still love,love, love the experience of film, drama and reading and it informs my personal work and the work I do with clients on their stories and storytelling issues and challenges. While seeing Juno though, I had an experience that I haven't had in a long time. I didn't notice a lot of what I'm usually tuned into. The story just swept me away, and while I usually go to the movies when it's not too crowded I found myself in a fairly crowded theatre in Union Square with a very mixed crowd of people of all ages and everyone loved it. People laughed out loud. People wept. (Ok -guilty on both counts - but knowing me when it comes to weeping at the movies it's not a matter of "will she?" but "so? was it a three-hanky? one box of tissues? a bed sheet?").

When I work with storytellers of all kinds in many mediums I always stress the character elements. The plot is the plot - in an interview in the current issue of Cinema Editor Magazine Nic Roeg said mentioned the fact that fairly early on people have already seen the 38 plots there are. (Great interview by the way with his long-time editor). It's the truth. There are so many plots and different permutations of them. There's got to be more.

What keeps you there? What makes you care about the characters? What makes you not stand up and walk out in the middle? The struggle to know your characters and make others feel for and with them whether they're "good" or "bad" is a constant one but when you've got it - it's heaven to work on. When a filmmaker gets that it's heaven to watch the film.

Juno is that kind of film. It's the oldest story in the book. 16 year old girl gets pregnant, what will she do? But the characters and the way they're drawn, fleshed out and portrayed is terrific. I really just dove right into the story and when I was talking about it later realized I didn't know how the filmmakers had done x,y, or z. That hasn't happened to me in a long time. I don't know if it's the movies out there lately or me. Jason Reitman who did "Thank You For Smoking" (another terrific film) did an amazing job directing this one. Great and interesting characters, great dialogue, great conflicts, great acting. Great storytelling.

Because I cannot let it go without comment. Will Smith is NO legend as far as I'm concerned. Enough said.

Enjoy the movies and let me know what you've seen and how you liked it!

Enjoy the day,
RK

Meltdown 2007 - Individuals, Groups and the Planet

2007-12-26T08:19:00.000-08:00

While the holiday season is supposed to be full of good cheer...OK let me start that one over again with something a bit more realistic like -

Why is the holiday season so difficult? That's the question that most people have been asking me whether in session or via email or phone, I even got an "aaaaargh" text. Nothing else just "argh". I understood completely. Sometimes, to misquote the lyrics, "argh is all you need".

Everyone has their own specific reasons for finding some elements of the holiday season difficult. For some people the shopping for gifts brings on hives, for some the too-much-togetherness can trigger anxiety, resentment and/or unresolved anger, for some the memory of lost loved ones can elicit tears and seasonal depression.

Throw in a dollop of relentless cheeriness coming at you from all sides, ruminating on the year that's on its way out and formulating resolutions for the coming year. This year I will definitely ___________ and I must ___________. Now I may not be a big one for cooking but what you've got there is a sure recipe for a meltdown.

But being me I couldn't let it go at that - there was something niggling at the back of my mind because 2007 seemed to bring out more meltdown situations and feelings in people than the previous few years. So I asked myself the question....what is going on? Beyond the usual meltdowns which can happen and invariably do at some point or another. That's just life - sometimes it all happens too fast/too much/too slow/too too/too _____.

I had a couple of thoughts regarding technology overload, society, delayed post 9/11 reactions, PTSD in returning soldiers, changing culture and norms and more....and they all made sense. Then I did a google search for "meltdown 2007" and this article from Science News Portrait of a Meltdown which describes the arctic meltdown of 2007 came up. Apparently, the ice meltdown in the Arctic this year is the largest ever. Hmmmmm - is there a connection?

I think there is. I'm a firm believer that we're all creatures of the planet (not to mention habit, learning, etc.) and when something is affecting our earth it effects us. How about this? Last week I was walking down the block in my neighborhood in Brooklyn and I saw two raccoons taking a little walk. Raccoons!! And no, they're not usually in the neighborhood. And during the last few years tropical birds have made their homes in the trees around here too. Something is going on around us and it affects us.

So if you're having your own meltdown - there are ways to deal with it depending on the circumstance. But pay attention to the meltdowns around you.
Are the people around you melting down and that's causing you to feel meltdown-prone?
Is the societal cheeriness and meltdown causing you extra anxiety or meltdown-y feelings?

Try and figure out which elements are your personal meltdown and which are coming at you from the outside. The external elements can affect you but if you're aware of them and prepare for them, you can find yourself sailing through the holidays with good feelings and optimism for the new year. (Of course there might still be some negative thoughts or feelings - you are human.)

Meanwhile - a quick soapbox moment - let's all figure out what we can do individually and as a country/planet to save our nature. Literally.

Enjoy the day!
RK

Reading the Mind Of the Body Politic - WSJ and The Neuroethics Society

2007-12-20T18:36:00.000-08:00

Here it comes...Big Brother is so here and it should scare everyone. Really everyone. As soon as people start using information about how brains work to predict how one might behave, we're all in big trouble. Individually and collectively, no matter what group, race, country, denomination you belong to.

Reading the Mind Of the Body Politic ran in the Wall Street Journal last week and I've been so bothered by it I couldn't let it pass without comment. A description of the article reads "A wave of research suggests political decisions often occur at the subliminal level. Alexandra Alter reports on how neuromarketers and political strategists are focusing on an uncharted electoral frontier--the brain."

Neuromarketers? Did you catch that phrase? I've known this was coming for a while now but it's scarier to read about it in the Wall Street Journal then to discuss it, and possible solutions for it, with colleagues who study the brain and mind.

The article begins with "during last Sunday's Republican presidential debate in Miami, Mitt Romney declared he was the only candidate who had stopped talking about universal health care and "actually got the job done." Across the country, in San Francisco, five volunteers watched the debate while wearing electrode-studded headsets that track electrical activity in the brain.

When Mr. Romney said the words "got the job done," there was a pronounced shift in activity in their prefrontal lobes. "They liked what they were hearing," said Brad Feldman, an analyst with EmSense Corp., the company that conducted the test."

They might very well have liked what they were hearing. The analysts at EmSense may have gotten that right. But what will they DO with their feelings? With their thoughts? With their reactions?

I love all the new technology that is uncovering the workings of the brain. I love it, I study it and it informs the work that I do. Really, I love it, love it, love it. I've met neuroscientists who are doing the most fantastic work on the brain from monitoring how people react while watching movies to the biochemistry and psychobiology of PTSD and offspring of people who have suffered from PTSD. Great stuff - really - I can't get enough of it. But when people start using the information to predict and say with certainty what an individual, or groups of individuals will actually do - we're getting into dangerous territory.

Imagine if every one of your nasty thoughts and feelings was registered. Every time you thought about what you'd like to do to so-and-so and the revenge you were going to take on such-and-thus. Imagine if you were judged by your thoughts - some of which you weren't even aware of...ok - you can stop now. Way too scary.

Enter a newly founded group called The Neuroethics Society (of which I'm a member). The society was founded in May of 2006 and is "an interdisciplinary group of scholars, scientists and clinicians who share an interest in the social, legal, ethical and policy implications of advances in neuroscience".

Check it out and keep posted about the work that they're doing for all of us. (Martha Farah was quoted in the WSJ article.) We must all of us start paying attention NOW to make sure that the advances in neuroscience are used in responsible ways socially, legally, ethically, and politically.

Whew! Exhausted from that little stint on the soapbox but I just couldn't let the article pass without comment. Now....if only you could have all read my mind about what I thought of it I wouldn't have had to write it down here...but then you might have heard some of the things I didn't want to say out loud, some of the personal thoughts that I didn't want to share....

Finding Focus Beats Boredom - Scientific American Mind

2007-12-18T19:50:00.000-08:00

The proof is in the article. Thank you Scientific American Mind for explaining how Finding Focus is one of the greatest things you can do for yourself and your life.

Ok - so we're ahead of our time here. What can I tell you? Our "Finding Focus" Seminars which I developed have been running for quite a while and continue to be a tremendous success. People walk out feeling more focused, more energized, looking at their routines and habits in a new way. Participants FIND new FOCUS in their work, creative endeavors, careers, hobbies, futures, whatever it is they choose to focus on. "Finding Focus" workshops have been ongoing at Barnes and Noble for a few years and writers, future-writers, blocked writers and creatives of all kinds have found themselves energized and inspired, and productive in ways they hadn't been.

The article in Scientific American is Bored? by Anna Gosline. It's full of information, a little boredom quiz, a short description of boredom in the brain as well as sources for further reading.

I believe and know that when you focus on what's important to you and you move forward in whatever direction that takes you, you don't bore easily. I also know that it isn't always easy to figure out what it is that you want to do. Really want to do.

Often when coaching clients a big part of our work is uncovering the layers of "should do", "what x or y wants me to do", "what I always thought I should do", "what I always believed I was meant to do", "what society believes I should do", "what's best for me to do", "what's easy for me to do" (and more) and getting to "this is what I really want" and "this is what's right for me".

Finding Focus helps you in the short run and in the long run. Do it for yourself. Find your personal focus. Live the life you want to live. The one you know deep in your heart you were always meant to live. Live your life.

For more info on Finding Focus Workshops and Seminars and how to arrange for one for your company or group feel free to contact me at kiki at dailylifeconsulting dot com or Jill Evans at jill at gtkgroup dot com.

What She Learned This Year - You Might Want to Too...(from Rachel C. Weingarten)

2007-12-17T10:45:00.000-08:00

Wow - I know she's my sister and I might be biased but this is absolutely a terrific post from the blog of Rachel C. Weingarten author of Career and Corporate Cool(TM). Read about the things she's learned this year about friendship, love, success, work, health and much more.... I learned a lot and it got me thinking....

*Never take your health for granted because just when you think that life has cut you a break, it pulls the rug out from under you.

*Dream big and make your reality even bigger, and after you do that, shrug it off as just a fluke and try even harder the next time.

*Don't stay friends with people just because you've been friends with them forever. People change and when they're bad to themselves, chances are at some point they'll become bad to you as well.

*Don't be afraid to tell someone you love them, even if you know it won't work out. Sometimes it's a gift to yourself to remember that you are in fact capable of deep love.

*Some years are financial successes, some are personal or professional successes, it doesn't all happen every year.

*Don't become so terrified or overwhelmed by a milestone that you lose sight of the before and after.

*Don't trust the universe more than you trust yourself, the cosmos may conspire against you, but you should always keep trying.

*Don't make things look so easy that people resent you, Don't make things look so hard that people think that they can't help or don't matter.

*Laugh at yourself- because the human condition when not horrifically painful, is fairly amusing.

*Live by your own definition of success.

What have you learned in 2007?
Stay Cool!
Rachel
Visit Cool Quotient

Re-Grouping and Re-Charging for Evening Work Hours

2007-12-13T14:37:00.000-08:00

Question -

Thanks for your guidance, Kiki.

Burnout is a periodic issue for me and a lot of the questions I have are
already addressed in questions above. Here's another issue on which I could
use your advice:

With three small children in the house, most of the writing portion of my
work occurs at night, which enables me to use any child care hours/nap time
during the day to interview sources or talk via phone with editors. But some
days by 9 pm my brain is on cruise control, at best. There's little creative
spark left in my daily dose, unless I drink lots of coffee to perk up (which
is what I typically do), which then keeps me up nearly all night. Good for
work, bad for sleep. Lack of sleep, of course, can quickly lead to burnout
on all fronts.

Do you have any recommendations for people who have to work odd hours as to
how they can re-group (other than highly caffinating!) and re-charge for
evening work hours? Or how would you recommend shifting a work schedule
where caring for small children dominates daytime hours (keeping in mind I
am not a morning person, so getting up before these early birds is not an
option!)

My Answer

Of course my first suggestion would be to wake up before the kids but since that's not an option we've got to figure something else out.

First of all, cut yourself some slack and realize that you're in a tough situation with small children around and a business to attend to which includes "being on" both verbally and intellectually. Tough stuff. But it won't be this way forever so it's a matter of organizing your time now to get through it the best you can.

A couple of suggestions - first of all, could you use one of the children's nap times as a nap time for yourself? Biologically our bodies do better with a nap in the afternoon. That might decrease your caffeine need, which you're right about - it can cause jitters, sleeplessness, anxiety if overused.

Another thought comes to mind as I put my teacher's cap on. Play teacher. I don't know how old the children are but try and prepare some activities for them that they can do on their own (it might take some planning of materials but once you get the hang of it it's pretty easy - collage, cutting and pasting, easy needlepointing, books on tape, puzzles, writing and illustrating their own books) which might free up some writing time for you during the day and cut back on the night time work.

Remind the children that they can't disturb you unless it's an emergency - (outline what those are!) and set aside a few minutes after the activity to look at it and all around oooh and aaah and tell you about it - that will motivate them to do it again. You can also have them be part of the planning process - shopping for the materials, putting it on a calendar, getting "rewards" for a completed job or a job well done.

Hope this helps - good luck and let me know how it goes!
Kiki

Is It Burnout?

2007-12-13T14:31:00.000-08:00

Question -
Hi Kiki,
Thank you for coming to our rescue.

If you just sit and stare at the computer screen, with deadlines looming,
and are unable to decide what to do next, is that burnout? If so, what is
the solution?

My Answer -

Hmmmm - that's a tough question because it could be burnout but it could be a number of other things as well. We'd need to explore a couple of things first of all to find out if it's burnout, or writer's block or a situational or seasonal thing, if something's going on in another area of your life or how you're feeling about your writing life in general and the project you need to be working on, in particular.

Whew! Then we could start to come up with some solutions to the problem. What I would suggest as a start is to get up and walk away from the computer for a while if you can so that you don't start to connect the computer with the feelings of frustration which might make it harder to approach it in the future. Another thing you might try is using the computer to begin to explore what's going on. Ask yourself some of the above questions - and start typing away - do some automatic writing and you might find that some of your answers will find their way into words.

Putting the thoughts and feelings into words is the first step to becoming aware of them, understanding them and discovering solutions - the ways to implement the solutions is a step further down the road but sometimes all you need is a jolt of energy in the right direction and finding some answers is a good way to liberate some of the energy that's tied up while you're sitting and staring....

Hope this helps - feel free to email or call,
Best,
Kiki

"Go-To-Girl" Syndrome - Q&A

2007-12-13T14:27:00.000-08:00

As promised - I'm posting the questions I didn't get to answer on the board. If you didn't get your email reply please let me know and I'll send it on over the ether.

Question -
Kiki,
Nice to see you here.
I suffer from what I call "go-to-girl" syndrome. I agree to last-minute
assignments, deadlines that are moved up, projects that grow beyond the
original scope (with pay) because I like being the one editors count on. But
it takes its toll. I'm crazed right now. Maybe I don't need to be so
available and agreeable, but how do I change?

My answer -

Ok - you mention a couple of things " I like being the one editors count on" and
"Maybe I don't need to be so available and agreeable" and "but how do I change". You also mention that all this takes its toll.

Ok - one thing at a time because it's a multifaceted issue. But we'll use your question as a guidepost. "How do I change?" Well, that depends on why you want to change. Not need - that's clear by the "it takes its toll". What you do want is to be the one the editors can count on.

Is there another way to be this person - perhaps a modified version with new limits set by you and still be the one they count on? How might you go about doing that? What are some new boundaries and "B's Rules" that you could let them know about at the beginning of a project? And of course you're letting them know this in the nicest, most professional way. "I'm happy to do x,y,or z however....." which lets them know that you're available to be the go-to-person but in a new way.

The other question to ask yourself is why you want to be the one they count on. If it's strictly financial - you have your answer and making the change is more of an intellectual and time-management, stress-management one. If there's something else going on - such as an emotional need or habit to be the one people can rely on then the changes will have to include an internal component including some thought about how that came to be part of your makeup and whether it's still something you need and/or want.

Hope this helps as a starting off point - keep me posted!
Kiki

Burnout!

2007-12-13T14:08:00.000-08:00

Burnout. What a terrible situation to find yourself in. You started out doing something because you thought you'd love it/would be good at it/were born to do it/wanted to ____,_____, or ________ . Maybe you accomplished what you set out to do. Maybe you still want to continue doing it or maybe you've just stopped dead in your tracks and can't take ONE MORE SECOND of it. You're exhuasted, have no interest in an area that you used to love, can't get out of bed in the morning, dread it and/or anything connected to it.

Burnout can hit hard but there are steps you can take to prevent burnout, to energize yourself while in the midst of being burnt out yet still required to do the job that burnt you out, and ways to energize and get out of a burnout situation.

I had the great pleasure this week of doing a q&a session on a message board. The message board is for a profession that can have a high rate of burnout. Many of these people are small business owners/entrepeneurs, a role which requires inordinate amounts of work and work hours as well as intellectual involvement in the business. In short, it can be a 24/7 situation. I will add that they are an extremely smart and motivated bunch of people and I was interested to hear the kinds of issues they were dealing with and how I might be able to assist.

It was great! The questions came hard and fast and there were so many that I didn't get to finish all of them in the alloted time. As promised I answered the rest later in the day and will post them here.

Some of the issues that came up included life changes that cause burnout, behavioral habits that made it difficult to "just say no" to business requests which can lead to a work overload, ways to re-energize during the day/week/year, work-life balance when working from home, work-life balance when working from home and being primary caretaker of small children, work-life balance when work becomes a 24/7 proposition,
feelings of anxiety and the imposter syndrome when doing work that involves constant reinvention of one's self and one's craft.

I was energized when we were done and I had lots to think about, which I'll share here as I consolidate my thoughts on the issue. I'd like to thank everyone there who shared their questions and concerns and also to all of you who emailed after with thanks and kind thoughts and words. I always appreciate hearing from you!

December Doldrums, Decisions and Dilemmas

2007-12-10T13:12:00.000-08:00

Ok - I got emails asking if the New Year's Resolutions exercise below should be completed in one day or one weekend. Aaaaack! No - just thinking about doing it that way makes me feel overwhelmed. Slow and steady. Take it slow and steady. Making changes is a marathon not a sprint. Slooooooow and steady. At your own pace. (More on that later in this post.)

I also got some questions about how I developed the 5Ws approach and as I've said often, so much of what I learned about coaching I learned by teaching first grade. Break down the big picture and goals into small, easier to achieve pieces. Take it slow. Work at your own pace. Forgive yourself mistakes. If it doesn't work the first time, try it again. Practice. Practice. Practice. Celebrate your achievements and successes. It's so simple it actually works.

This time of year can be very tough. Lots to do. Lots of holiday cheer, which is great if you're feeling 100% cheerful but I've got to tell you that just about everyone I've been working with and coaching hasn't been feeling 100% cheerful. Mmmmmmm, let's say they haven't been feeling even 95% cheerful. All milestones, holidays and any other big
events bring with them mixed feelings. Tension as well as excitement. Happiness as
well as sadness and poignancy. Exuberance as well as apprehension. Many people get blindsided when they think it will be all good and they won't feel anything negative.

The best thing to do is acknowledge everything that's going on which will assist you in dealing with it all and getting through it well. If the holiday shopping scene makes you want to scream, if planning for the holidays makes you break out in a cold sweat, if there are people who you miss more around this time of year, if there are goals or milestones you would have liked to have achieved by now but haven't, if you're feeling burned out, stressed out, shaken down or just plain exhausted - take a breath and acknowledge it. It's the first step to making adjustments and feeling better.

We've been doing a lot of that here and as you can imagine, it's not always easy but it's always worthwhile and feels just terrific when achieved. People feel a sense of empowerment as opposed to feeling overwhelmed. In control as opposed to out of control.

A few quick tips.

* Leave yourself plenty of extra time to accomplish things.
Don't pencil in 60 minutes to do something that takes an hour for you to do. Figure an extra 15-20 minutes to account for human error, technological snafus, traffic or transportation snags, the sniffles or a bad mood.

* Don't expect perfection.
Things will go wrong - it's just the way it is. Do the best you can and give yourself credit for doing the best you can.

* Rethink your holiday celebrations and expectations.
Are you doing the same things you always do because you always do them? Sometimes that seems like the simple way to go about doing things but it might be time for a change. If you've changed then the same routines might not work for the new you. Make adjustments.

* Treat yourself well.
When you feel you're about to hit overload - stop what you're doing and take a breather. Pay attention to what happened and plan ahead so it doesn't happen again. Were you too tired? Did you take on too much responsibility? Were you spending too much time with people who set you off? Make adjustments.

* New Year's Resolutions - take it slow and steady.
Start by answering the first question in the 5Ws below Who, What, Where, When, Why. Who are you today and who would you like to be a year from now?
Think about health, intellectual endeavors, physical abilities, career goals, personal goals, relationship goals. Slowly. Don't do it all at once.

Do the best you can, the best way you can, this year. Forgive yourself for the things you wish you could do differently or better or more or.....and as always - enjoy the moments you can this year because quite simply, this year won't pass this way again....

Be good to yourself - email or post any questions or comments. I love hearing from you!

RK

Any Time Of Year Resolutions

2007-12-06T04:55:00.000-08:00

In the flurry of activity leading up to the holidays I've been particularly busy doing a lot of corporate seminars and one on one stress management coaching with people who are burnt out or who seem antsy to start their New Year's resolutions- before the New Year. I'll be updating with more tips and thoughts on changing behavior, but in the meantime will share some of my tips on resolutions (that previously appeared on About.com)

Difficulty: Easy
Time Required: Up to You!
Here's How:

1. Use the 5W System
As you answer the 5W questions below, jot them down in a journal you’ll be starting especially for this. Keeping a journal can often help in answering the 5Ws and helping you keep your resolutions. The journal will give you a starting point aside from January 1st to refer to. A week or a month from now you can see how much progress you've made and decide if you’re happy with your progress, or lack thereof. You can continue from there. You can modify your tactics and start differently. Or you can start again using different techniques that fit your lifestyle better.
2. The 5Ws? Simple. Who, What, Where, When and Why.
Who are you today and who would you like to be a year from now?
Why do you want to make the change? Emphasis on YOU.
What changes in behavior and shifts in attitude will you need in order to make the changes and achieve your goal?
Where can you get support to help you make the change? People, books, Web sites, journals etc.
When is the best time of day/week/year for you to make the change? To evaluate the change? To take action toward achieving the change?
3. A couple of tips to help you answer the "Why" for YOU.
You've decided you want to make a change. Think about the change you've decided you want to make. You. Yes, you. Not anyone else who wants a change from you. Just you. Think about it. It's okay, you can say, "I want to _______". If you need to write it down and burn it before anyone sees it, that's also okay. If you want to send yourself an e-mail describing it, try that. Whatever works. Now that you've decided what it is that you'd like to do/be/achieve, there's another step to take before planning the "How."
4. Why do you want _________________________?
Find a place and time where you can sit quietly and think and have a real conversation with yourself or with your coach. Explore the reasons. Sure there are the first few surface/off the cuff that come to mind easily. Dig deeper. Keep asking yourself why until you've gotten to the real reason you want to achieve your goal.
5. Once you've figured out the "Why" it's easier to schedule and sort out the rest. You'll know the end result you're trying to achieve. By answering the Who, What, Where and When you'll be able to schedule the small tasks needed to make the change into your schedule. Why? Why not? Why shouldn't you have the best year you've ever had before? Can you think of one good reason? I didn't think so.
6. Go for it! Out with the old and in with the new. Happy New Year!

What You Need:

* Journal Suppplies : a notebook, pen/pencil or a computer
* New Year's Resolutions Supplies: Your wishes, goals, hopes and dreams
* Strategy Supplies: Your strengths and limitations

Happy Thanksgiving!

2007-11-21T15:28:00.000-08:00

I love Thanksgiving. I am a total, complete sucker for Thanksgiving which is why I tend to go on and on about it. I'll make it short and sweet here.

Count your blessings and believe me you have many, no matter how it feels sometimes. When working with clients one of the first things we do when talking about making changes is to figure out what is working, what is right, what is wonderful, what is better than one could have ever imagined.

Engage in random acts of kindness. It really does make you feel good while at the same time doing something nice, generous or caring for someone else.

Show and tell your gratitude to the people in your life who have made your year a better one.

Thank yourself. Make a big old list of the good things you've done for yourself. Count your achievements large and small, memorable moments, leaps into the unknown, new adventures, new experiences, new feelings, new ways of communicating, new plans, new goals, anything you've done for yourself that has improved your life in some way.

Now, don't you feel better about things? It's a great mind set to be in before you start working on those New Year's Resolutions. We'll be talking about those next month so for now enjoy and indulge.

Thanks to all of you who made my year so wonderful.

Happy Thanksgiving,
RK

Boomer Coaching Planning Ahead - The Top 25 Locations - Wall Street Journal

2007-11-19T12:12:00.000-08:00

Thanks Brian H. for the article info The Top 25 Locations for Retirees
Seeking a Return to the Workforce in the Wall Street Journal.

Brian is one of many people who is taking a proactive approach and planning ahead even though he's years away from retirement (he made me promise to mention this if I mentioned him here - even if I only use an initial - how did I do Brian?). As a matter of fact, Brian isn't even sure that he ever wants to "retire". He's in his early 50s, active, young in body, mind and spirit and we both think of the coaching work we're doing together as planning for a different, new and exciting future.

Here is the information with some very interesting places on the list. Go forward, go further and have fun!

Barnes and Noble Writing Workshop - Follow Up and Writing Tips

2007-11-13T15:21:00.000-08:00

Great workshop - thanks to all who attended and the great input, comments, advice, questions, grumbles and gripes as well as joys and fun moments in regard to writing. I will just do this as free association and just do a quick draft in order to get the thoughts out there - and worry about editing another day - which was one of the great topics of discussion.

G. hit one of the big challenges of creative writing on the head when he said "I want to just get the story out and I want to make it the best story it can be." That was it in a nutshell.

I suggested that both of those goals are achievable but possibly (probably) not at the same writing moments. So one goal and the goal of a first draft is to "get the story out". A second goal and the goal of re-writing and editing is "to make it the best story it can be". Approaching the writing based on which of the two is the goal for that writing time. If it's "getting the story out" then go - write and write and don't edit yourself. Just get it out there. Then when some time has passed, whatever time that is that you need to see the work clearly and somewhat objectively go back and edit. But both at the same time? One will counteract the other.

Some other great thoughts/tips/tools:

* Automatic writing exercises - just write. No right write just write.

* Word prompts. M said that she's been using that as a writing exercise. She picks a word and just writes about it.

* Getting into the, dare we call it, "hypnotic" state necessary to write. Going to the place of your story. I was describing the sensation of being deeply involved in a book or even going to the movies. With a book, you pick it up and you enter the world that the author has created for you - when writing the story you have to create the world and atmosphere and self-generate the feelings, emotions, descriptions - much harder to do. At the movies you are put into a somewhat sensory deprivation for the few moments before the movie starts. It's dark, silent there's a transition until you enter the world of the film which of course has the advantage of being larger than life and engaging your senses.

* Getting rid of those internal editors whether they're the nasty friend from high school or the college English professor who was so obsessed with grammar she didn't even read for content, or your favorite author whose work you know you can never match. Ask them to please leave the building while you're writing. Gone. Out. Away.

* Setting the stage - B. described how at one point she would have a glass of wine and a cigarette in order to get ready for the muse. I talked about sitting for hours and avoiding the blank screen by being on the internet only to have the perfect phrase/thought/concept enter my head on the train. I also talked about how I was teaching first grade while in graduate school for writing and how for me it was an adjustment when my work circumstances changed. Hmmmm now where can I get me 26 6 year olds and a classroom with a leafy view in order to prompt the muse? And the funny feeling when recently at the doctor's and the waiting room view resembled that classroom so suddenly I felt like whipping out my writing and just sitting there and writing. Go know.

* G. talked about taping dreams and thoughts first thing in the morning.

* R. described asking her patients to keep journals to work through some things and that that works for her as well.

* C. described wanting to write but finding that the idea of a long project made her focus on smaller ones - I suggested smaller projects for her to begin with.

* M. talked about turning chaos into writing and chaotic writing into coherent writing.

*D and B talked about the book by Julia Cameron that is assisting them chapter by chapter to do the writing without feeling pressured.

* Beginning to write what you want to be working on and finding that the page has gotten away from you - the work is something different than you thought it would be. Which will you follow? Which is really the story you want to tell/can best tell/need to tell?

* The difference between writing fiction and screenplays and how learning how to do one can make it difficult, but not impossible to switch and do the other.

Some good writing books were discussed like Norman Mailer's "The Spooky Art" which has an amazing section on the unconscious and how sometimes it's just not ready to write what you think you want to write.

Believe it or not there was more. I don't know how we covered all of that in a bit over an hour but it was great.

Thanks all for a wonderful workshop - I can't wait until the next one.

Barnes and Noble Writing Workshop - Tonight at 7:00pm

2007-11-12T08:34:00.000-08:00

The next writing workshop is tonight, November 12th at 7:00pm at Barnes and Noble Court Street. Seating is limited so please call to reserve a place at 718.246.4996

Bring any thoughts, ideas, gripes, blocks and breakthroughs. See you then!

Veteran's Day - Giving Thanks

2007-11-12T08:21:00.000-08:00

It's fitting that Veteran's Day is in the same month as Thanksgiving since giving thanks to veterans should be high on our lists of things/people to be thankful for.

We wouldn't be here living in our free and democratic nation without them. I certainly wouldn't. Without going too much into personal details I will say that without our veterans I wouldn't be here today. My parents and (more of) my extended family members would have been exterminated and I wouldn't have the opportunity to live the free life that I do. I am grateful and humbled by their sacrifices.

I also want to acknowledge the men and women who are fighting for us as we speak and those veterans of this war who have given the ultimate sacrifice or have come back wounded. I am thankful to every single one of you. I have friends who have suffered terrible injuries bothy physically and emotionally and one physician friend who has done more than one tour and who I haven't heard from in a while....I hope he's ok.

So, let's take a moment to be thankful for our veterans and the life they enable us to live.

Making the Right Change The Right Way (for you) Transition Coaching and Counseling

2007-11-07T17:50:00.000-08:00

I work with some great people and learn so much from my clients. The experience of assisting someone in making a transition is extremely gratifying to me. Maybe it's because I've gone through it myself and know how tough it can sometimes feel and how great it is to finally get to the other side.

Somehow the specter of New Year's starts way before January rolls around. Most people would like to just START right then and zip right into whatever new mode they want to be in. Theoretically a great idea but most changes have a transition period. When you do it right, the transition period can be a time of great growth and positive change.

Transitions run the gamut of work transitions from one career to another, from one stage of life to another, from high school to college, from college to first job, from job to job, from working to retirement, from working to working retirement, from working to finding-myself-retirement.

Change is inevitable. Make the right change the right way.

Daily Life Consulting

Barnes and Noble Writing Workshop - November 12th at 7:00 - Nano/Writing Email answers

2007-11-07T15:53:00.000-08:00

Hi All!

How's the writing going? Bring your thoughts, issues, gripes and questions on Monday, November 12th at 7:00pm. We'll talk about Nanowrimo and other writing topics.

Gabrielle - yes, it's ok if writing sometimes becomes the Diane Keaton scene in "Something's Gotta Give" where she's weeping over the computer.
Sometimes? Why only sometimes? Try oftentimes.

Mandy - yes, it often happens that one doesn't like what one wrote/doesn't remember what one wrote/doesn't like how one wrote what one wrote. Sounds about standard actually. A very wise person and writing mentor once told me that no matter what it is you should love your writing. The piece may not be what you thought, the impulse may have turned into something completely different than what you thought, an idea for a comedy becomes a tragedy, one of your characters has some horrific flaw or past that you can't tolerate....but that's the great part of it. The discovery - what you learn about yourself, your characters, your story, your thoughts and feelings.
"Writing is problem solving" a great quote that was in a professor's office. So true.

Juliet - a soundtrack? Very personal I couldn't tell you what to use. I would suggest music that is evocative to you and that takes you to a time and place. Because when the writing is going well (the process) you'll be transported to that place. You'll be where you're writing about.

Michael - don't be shy. Just come by and join the workshop. You don't have to speak if you don't want to. No pressure whatsoever.

Shout out of support to the writers on strike. Without them there would be no stories told. How fast have some of the tv shows gone to repeats?

Writer-at-large - I can't give you specific suggestions on your character because you didn't give me enough information in your email. Feel free to email again with more details.

Laugh, scream, cry but just write. Whatever it is - just say it on paper or ether or your hand or a napkin or a scrap of paper - just write it!

For more info visit Daily Life Consulting

One Step At a Time....

2007-11-01T10:40:00.000-07:00

Rosalia posted a question/comment here that I have heard from some clients during the course of coaching or counseling and that some have you have emailed me regarding the questions in the last post and others of that sort. For those of you who wanted more, more, more I say the same thing...one step at a time.

Do you have to know everything at once? No. Can you? No. The questions were posted here as a road map to give you a general idea of the kinds of things we might explore. Sure it can feel like a lot especially if it's the first time you've done it. But here's the thing, if we're working together or if you're involved in an exercise of this sort, chances are it's because something in your life is not the way you want it to be. Yes, I work with clients who are doing and feeling great but they still want to be doing better, feeling better about things, setting and reaching goals they weren't aware of or didn't know how to approach.

It's about making it the best it can be. Whatever "it" is.

So Rosalia, take a deep breath. Relax. Think of it this way. One question. If you could change one thing what would it be? You can let me know by posting or emailing me at rebecca at dailylifeconsulting dot com.

Start slowly with one thing, one small change, one small step and we'll take it from there.

TIER(c) System Expanding to TIERS(c)

2007-10-30T13:16:00.000-07:00

Quick Note

Through the work with clients using the TIER(c) system I realize that there was another element that needed to be added to it. Using the TIER(c) system we explore the client's Temperament, Intellect, Expectations and Reality but there's one more thing that's necessary in order for people to attain a Work/Life Symmetry that works for them. I will refer to it as Satisfaction for the purposes of the TIER system but it encompasses satisfaction, meaning and purpose.

More on that later, but in the meantime give some thought to the things in your life that give you satisfaction. That doesn't only mean what makes you happy. Happiness is great and no one is discounting it but it can be fleeting. It comes in moments or times and can't possibly be sustained 24/7. In addition, if that's the goal and the focus what happens during the rest of life? You know, the daily life stuff that isn't always a smile a minute, grand, fun, over-the-moon great.

What sustains you?
What gives meaning to your life?
What gives you a sense of purpose?
Who is important to you and why?
What is important to you and why?

So Many Questions - A couple of answers...

2007-10-30T11:59:00.000-07:00

I ask zillions of questions myself and have lots of patience for answering other people's questions (hey - I taught first grade and kindergarten, it's a job requirement "thou shalt answer zillions and zillions of questions during the course of the school year"). Having said that, I must say that some of your email questions get me thinking about why the information might be important or of note. I'm not sure why I'm going to write the following but here goes. Maybe I'm just exhausted and know not what I do...

Now, professionally speaking when working with clients I don't necessarily answer all their questions because the questions are not always relevant to the coaching and sometimes the question is information.

What do you want to know and why? It's a great exercise to try with yourself.
What information are you looking for and how will it help you to know it?
Will it inform a decision? Provide more information about whatever? I read a great line recently which I wish I could attribute but in true "reading overload" don't remember where I read it. It was something like "information can insulate against shock". Sometimes people want the information as a protective device, insulation as it were. There are more and more reasons people ask questions, too many to mention here. Then again there's something to be said for "sometimes a question is just a question".

So here are a couple of answers.
A number of you wanted to know why I mentioned taking the seat near the door at the doctor's office (I would have been curious too). Occupational hazard in addition to personal preference.

Dan asked here what many of you wanted to know and a question that comes up in workshops and seminars. What do I read for inspiration? It depends on what I'm working on. I devour books of every sort on every topic. I read vast amounts of non-fiction as well as fiction and when working in, or learning, a new genre I read everything I can on the genre, topic and works in that genre. That goes for fiction, short stories, essays, scripts etc. I also recommend reading current magazines on the topic. You'll find out what's going on, what the new trends are, what's being picked up or published etc. Subscribe to internet newsletters as well, there are tons on most topics - look through them and see which ones match your reading and information style.

Don't forget to go back to the classics in the area you're trying to learn about. Also, I recommend books that describe people's experiences when they were first starting. They're very helpful as far as finding out what to expect, what's considered "normal" and what should set off warning bells.

What am I reading now? Professionally....well - at the risk of your eyes glazing over, and knowing that talking about it can clear a room pretty quickly, I'll leave that for another time - or perhaps for The Dramatic Mind sometime in the future.

For fun - I've been devouring books by Douglas Kennedy. He wrote "The Big Picture" which is one of the few books I read and re-read. I like some of his themes and having started out as a playwright his dialogue is spot-on. He relocated to the UK and his books are only printed there now so I just tracked down a whole slew of them and have been inhaling them.

The William Zinsser book I mentioned in an earlier post is
Paths of Resistance: The Art and Craft of the Political Novel by William, Editor; Allende, Isabel; McCarry, Charles; Piercy, Marge, Contributors Zinsser (Paperback - 1989) .

About movie recs. You are correct that I haven't mentioned any lately, as far as writing, editing, character, story etc. That's because I have been soooooo underwhelmed by anything I've seen recently. That includes lots of the over-hyped movies we've been hearing about. Most recent DVD? An Israeli film called "One Small Step" or "Tza'ad Katan" which is the last film produced by someone I knew very well who passed away a couple of weeks after the movie was released in 2003. It's a sweet movie with some wonderful dialogue, characters and insights. In all honesty, I can't be very objective about this one but I loved it.

That's about it for now.

Enjoy the day,
RK

Resolutions for a New You

2007-10-25T13:40:00.000-07:00

Can it be that time of year again? (almost....) Well, the summer is really over, the holidays are on the horizon and along with planning for Thanksgiving, the new year is on its way. People are starting to think about New Year's resolutions and with it the panic of "ohmigodIcantbelieveIdidntdoxyorzresolutionfromlastyear". Yes. In one breath. It can feel that intense.

This year why not resolve to change the process of resolutions? I'll start here with a general outline and we can take it from there in the next couple of months.

We can use the holidays that are approaching as markers and ways to begin.
For Halloween imagine who you'd like to "dress up" as.
Who do you want to be?
What kind of life do you want to be leading?
How much of it matches up to what you're currently doing?
What needs to change?

During November we'll focus on the things we're grateful for. What's working in your life? What do you want more of? What do you want less of?

During December we'll focus on the specific changes that you might want to make and strategize different ways to go about making them.

By the time 12:00am January 1st rolls around (ok - cut yourself some slack - January 1 or 2 is good) you'll be ready. You'll know what you want to keep, what you want to change, what you want to add, subtract or multiply and how to go about doing it.

Ready? How about ready to get ready? Good enough.

Some More Answers to Nanowrimo and Writing Questions

2007-10-25T10:29:00.001-07:00

Sometime in the near future the writing and creativity blog, q&a and other information will be on The Dramatic Mind . Until that gets going I'll post that information here. Many of you sent in questions about Nanowrimo. I'll try and answer them in general here. If I haven't answered your question here feel free to email me at kiki at dailylifeconsulting dot com. To current clients - we'll be able to discuss which option is best for you at greater length but you can use these suggestions as a starting point.

Scriptwriting For those of you who wanted some sources for scriptwriting this month's MovieMaker magazine is the annual issue chock full of information. They have a list of different software and describe them pretty well. FinalDraft is a great program and saves you a lot of the formatting work. There are also great storyboard programs available now that make the storyboarding process easier. For Nano and first draft purposes don't focus on editing programs. The goal now is to get the story out of you and on to the page.

Fiction One of the best books I've come across on writing fiction is The Modern Library Writer's Workshop: A Guide to the Craft of Fiction (Modern Library Paperbacks)by Stephen Koch . It's dense and full of great information as well as writing exercises and resources.

Children's Stories - An amazing and inspiring book on writing for children is
ORIGINS OF STORY: On Writing for Children by Barbara Harrison, Gregory Maguire, and Erik Blegvad

Another good one is William Zinsser's Worlds of Childhood: The Art and Craft of Writing for Children

Playwriting I did most of that reading back in the day when I was doing my MFA but there's a great book on the three act structure directed at screenwriters which I think is amazing for playwrights as well Aristotle's Poetics for Screenwriters: Storytelling Secrets From the Greatest Mind in Western Civilization . (Yes - I spelled "one who writes plays" differently both times - long, old discussion...)

William Zinsser also wrote some more great books on writing. One of them on writing political fiction and essays whose title escapes me now. I'll find it on my bookshelf later and post it. It's very very hard to get - took me forever to track it down but really great reading.

Memoir I gave my 90 year old professor/mentor the book Your Life as Story by Tristine Rainer which I had seen and thought was a great way to explore organizing a life's story in different ways. She likes the book but still isn't sure she wants to write her autobiography even though everyone is begging, begging her to. But the truth is one should only write what one needs/wants to and the story that doesn't let you go.

Ok - as for inspiration and why bother and how to books - that's for another time. And for those of you who asked about the "Authorship and Authority" system/program that I developed, that's based on journal writing and self-exploration more than story, fiction, children's stories etc.

Whew! That should be enough to get you going. Let me know how it goes!

Enjoy the day and live a great story!
RKW

Quick Answer to Questions about Best-Way-To-Do Nanowrimo

2007-10-24T07:51:00.000-07:00

Ok - Nanowrimo is starting next week and many of you have been asking about the "right way to do it". Dingdingdingdingding there is no "right way".

What works for you? Does an outline help you focus on the story? Go for it! Does automatic free writing work for you? Go for it! Do you write better in a coffee shop surrounded by strangers? That's where you should be. Do you write better in a dark room with soundproofing and blinders on your eyes and ear plugs?(Could I make this up? Jonathan Franzen said he needed something of the sort while writing The Corrections)If that's the case, do it.

You might find that different pieces or parts of the story require different internal or external stimulation. You might be the type (pardon the pun) who writes for 24 hours straight and then collapses. You might be the type who writes for an hour and leaves the thought hanging so you can begin again the next day. WHATEVER WORKS!

Some of you wrote that you find Dorothea Brande's Becoming a Writer is a bit too pure and artsy and internal and touchy-feely. Try Stephen King's book On Writing. It's down to earth, fantastic, real and really gets you going whether or not you're one of his rabid readers.

And for those of you who have asked me whether or not I'll ever compile all the workshops and writing into a book on creativity and writing. Thanks for asking - it's in the works but no idea when it will be ready... and that's a workshop for another day.....

Enjoy the day,
RK

Coaching and Orthopedic Medicine

2007-10-24T06:29:00.000-07:00

Huh? Yes I know what you're thinking. Something like "huh"? I get lots of emails asking what goes on in coaching and how I could coach in so many different areas and with people of different ages and how is it different than the one-size-fits-all and do-these-ten-things-and-your-
life/career/schooling/creativity/relationship-will-be-completely-fixed-and perfect. I never would have thought of Orthopedic Medicine as a metaphor to describe the coaching I do except that I broke my foot and had the opportunity of spending time in the Orthopedist's office and see the things that he does. First of all my deepest gratitude, respect and thanks to my doctor. He is the best.

So the waiting room is jam packed, I take my usual spot right near the door, take the latest issue of Outside magazine and wait. People of all ages, shapes and sizes come in. From senior citizens to juniors in high school to babies. People in lots of pain, moderate amounts of pain or discomfort. People walking in on crutches, being wheeled in in wheelchairs, walking unassisted but limping, walking in leaning on someone else. People at all stages of their injuries, just happened yesterday, fell last year but still bothering me, healing very well and even a pair of mirror injuries.

What's different about everyone there? The people are all different, at different stages of their lives, the circumstances that brought them there are different, the injuries are different, the way that they'll heal is different, what they'll need to heal will vary, how long it will take them to heal will vary.

What's the same about everyone there? For the most part the people's internal musculature is the same, bones, ligaments all the internal stuff we can't see.

What else is the same? The doctor's knowledge of that internal network and the ways to figure out what's wrong and how to fix it. How to get people back on their way. Whatever way that was/is and whatever way they want that to be going forward.

Not everyone came in there needing to be able to walk for hours and hours every day like I do. Some people might have come in because they want to do the Ironman (I've often wished I wanted to....) some people might just want more range of motion, flexibility, to lessen pain, to increase mobility and on and on.

I didn't even know how many things an orthopedist does until I left and took a look at my receipt. It was a full page of all the different areas and treatments that a patient might need treatment for. Truly I had no idea. The doctor is trained to know those areas, the injuries, how to detect them and how to treat them. Everyone left his office in better shape then they were when they came in.

How does that relate to coaching and TIER(c) coaching in particular? Well, I work with people of all different ages, at different stages of their lives, who come in with different life experiences and want different things moving forward. How could that possibly be one-size-fit-all? How could there possibly be a magic bullet that works for everyone? Believe me I wish there were, I would have tried it myself years ago.

The TIER(c)system is an outgrowth of my training and experience as an educator, mental health professional, director, planner and developer of programs, the creative arts and a vast vast insatiable curiosity about people, what they want and how to help them get it. TIER(c) stands for Temperament, Intellect/Intelligence, Expectations and Reality. Everyone has different combinations of them and they work in different measures at different stages and depending on what people want.

One of the great challenges for most people is figuring out what it is that they want. For example last week I was speaking to a journalist for an article on work satisfaction. She asked terrific questions and mentioned the one-size-fits-all how-to articles about how to know when to quit a job. I was telling her about two of my clients who work at the same company and are struggling with that issue in their lives yet the coaching experience is so different for both of them. One of them is at her job as a stopgap, she's focusing on building a business on the outside and needs her current job to support her until then. Her level of tolerance for unpleasantness is much higher than the other woman who is searching for meaningful work, thought she'd found it and now realizes that she was looking for something else.

With one client the coaching task is to manage the discomfort and continue to have energy and drive to build her business. The other client's task is to explore alternatives and not take any measures until such time as she's able to do what she needs to do and know what that is.

Using the TIER(c) system we find out WHO you are, WHAT you like and want, WHERE you want to go, WHEN you'd like to be there and HOW you're best able to get there. Whether that's work/career, transition, education, creativity whatever your unique set of circumstances and desires are.
(Yes, yes it's that all I needed to know about coaching I learned by teaching first grade again - can't seem to get away from that.)

Coaching helps you manage your life today, explore your dreams, options and wishes for the future, focus on the tasks necessary to achieve them, and get you on your feet to, and into, the life you want to lead!

Enjoy the day!
RK

Barnes and Noble Writing Workshop - Rescheduled for November 12th + Nanowrimo Info

2007-10-22T10:31:00.001-07:00

As I mentioned, tonight's Barnes and Noble Writing Workshop has been cancelled due to foot breakage. The next one is on Monday, November 12th at 7:00pm.

I was going to talk about Nanowrimo and many of you have been asking about it since I posted on it last week. NaNoWriMo is an annual (November) novel writing project. It's a great way to kick-start your writing, break through some blocks, practice some automatic writing, try out new styles or a new genre and all around have some very intense and creative fun.

I've gotten some emails and questions asking for suggestions. Here's the rub. Every one of you has a different style of writing, a different writing process, different reasons for writing, different subject matter that you're writing and lots of other differences. What you have in common are the tools of your creative endeavor. Words. Even the way you go about putting them down is different. I work with writers who use pen and paper, some dictate to someone or to a tape or podcast, some type on old favorite typewriters or computers, some on newfangled PDAs or even their phones.

The challenge is to assist YOU whoever you are, in getting what you want to say on the page. In articulating your thoughts, emotions, ideas and anything else and getting it from inside to the outside. Ok. That means you've got some thinking to do about the who, what, where, when and whys of your material and process. Having said that - I can answer generally here - Susannah H. posted a comment and question about it last week.

Susannah, thanks for the kind words and comment. The first thing I would do is check out Nanowrimo and register. As for getting ready. A great book that I recommend is Becoming A Writer by Dorothea Brande. It's great for beginning writers as well as experienced writers and it's the kind of book you can go back to over and over.

It was written in 1934 and isn't a how-to or about the ins and outs of fiction or other forms of writing. It really is about becoming a writer. Harnessing the inner and getting it out there. It has a beautiful purity about the process and writing, in my opinion because it was written in 1934 when writing and reading were so culturally different than they are now. Especially since the advent of personal technology and the immediacy of writing and electronic publishing that it has brought with it.

Brand's book is a great place to begin. Please email or comment with more questions - I'm not sure what kind of writing you do or how you go about getting it on the page. It's easier to make recommendations if I have more info.

As for Nanowrimo if you decide to do it - have fun! I'm doing it this year and looking forward to the insane pace of it and to see if I can accomplish what I'd like to.

Enjoy the day,
RK

The Amygdaloids New Album - Art and Science

2007-10-22T10:18:00.000-07:00

Because you've got to see it to believe it - or hear it to believe it... Dr. Joseph LeDoux and his merry band of Neuroscientist Rockers have just released their album, Heavy Mental.

Dr. Ledoux is the author of The Emotional Brain and The Synaptic Self-as well as one of the founders of The Amygdaloids.

I'm guessing this band has got stage-fright covered!

Here's some info -

THE AMYGDALOIDSBAND INFO: BIOS, NEWS, CLIPS, ETC:
www.cns.nyu.edu/ledoux/amygdaloids

SHORT VIDEO:
www.cns.nyu.edu/ledoux/amygdaloids/videos/uhc/flv.htm

Enjoy the day,
RK

Previous Posts from Daily Life Consulting Blog

2007-10-19T14:53:00.001-07:00

Hi Hi!

Just changing things around so the old posts aren't here yet. To those of you who asked about them - we'll be putting them up again soon. Meanwhile, you can always check out Daily Life Coaching 4 Kids http://dailylifecoaching4kids.blogspot.com
for information.

Keep an eye out for The Dramatic Mind which will focus on creativity, the brain, mind, emotions and experience while experiencing and/or creating different art forms. Running Snail Edutainment and Development is also inching its way over.......

More to follow!
Enjoy the weekend,
RK

Kick Start Self Coaching

2007-10-03T08:51:00.000-07:00

"Begin from where you are" Rainer Maria Rilke

If you're here you're ready to start exactly now, exactly where you are. Now. To figure out what you want and how to get it. That is the challenge and we're up to it!

Congratulations on a great first step!